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Original poster

MIL booked a weekend away

354 replies

poppet85 · 07/01/2020 07:16

My mother in law has booked a weekend away for her birthday for the family. Though she's booked it a good 5 hour drive away from us on a weekend term time .
For the rest of the family is about a 2 hour drive so easy to go up after school and their children are all much older . We have a 5 year old and 3 year old so traveling long distances isn't excatly straight forward.
I don't drive so my husband has to do it all ,he thinks we should take our son out of school on the Friday to make it easier and gets very defensive if I say otherwise. It would also me taking time off work
I really don't want to ,he loves school and we put alot of time getting him there etc .
I just feel it's very unfair on us she could have picked a half way place to make it easier or around the holiday time . She didn't check with us she just booked it .
I feel pressure to take my son out of school even though we've been put in this situation

OP posts:
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clarehhh · 08/01/2020 19:24

Go late feed them, bath and pyjamas then do the drive traffic will be easier and they will sleep.Just lift into bed when you arrive.

Alsohuman · 08/01/2020 19:35

My parents would never be so thick as to organise something without checking we’re available and finding a date and location that suits everyone

I’d never be so thick as to consult with a big family because nothing would ever be organised. In this family a date’s set, usually six months in advance, and the invitation is issued. They either come or they don’t. Their choice. Big birthdays come round every ten years and they’re not exactly a surprise.

TheYearOfTheDog · 08/01/2020 19:36

I would just take the day off and roll with it

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ineedaholidaynow · 08/01/2020 19:38

Alsohuman I am assuming the MIL has booked a cottage, it won't be a cast of thousands, so not that difficult to give everyone a heads up before booking.

Also not everyone does a big party etc for a milestone birthday. I haven't had a birthday party since I was about 8.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 08/01/2020 19:40

We did several trips to Scotland when ours were that age, they were pretty good but i wouldn't want to do a 10 hour round trip for a weekend.

jannier · 08/01/2020 19:56

Presumably this means you dont make the effort to go see her unless it school holidays as it must be at least a 3 hour drive. Get over it and go. Would you object if it were a wedding that hadn't been asked about before hand. ...your mil might not be with you in years to come....all my childrens grandparents died inside 2 years of each other so my daughter lost the last age 3. I'd drive 24 hours to give her time with any of them....and my mil was hard work

AutumnCrow · 08/01/2020 20:20

Fucking hell the OP has said repeatedly she's going, and first said so ages ago on this thread

Alsohuman · 08/01/2020 20:28

it won't be a cast of thousands, so not that difficult to give everyone a heads up before booking

We have four kids, that’s not a cast of thousands and it’s bloody impossible if we ask them all. Which is why we tell them, give them six months notice and they can decide if they’re coming or not. I haven’t got time to spend weeks negotiating.

Mumgonenuts2020 · 08/01/2020 20:32

Wow these threads are so interesting and about managing families. DH is stuck in the middle of all of this, they have probably your family as well, I don’t see the good in mine all of the time either. The 5 Hour journey if you are picking up at 3.30, just be packed up the night before, DH can drive straight from work and stop half way for a break for half an hour. Only a suggestion. Good questions as well would be is it a special birthday. I have been accused of social gatherings at the MIls if I suggest I don’t go and he takes the kids it looks like I am running away, which is probably right as they have clarified you being awkward, then you miss out lonely and not enjoying time with your kids away. A hard one been going on for years with both sides of our families.. 😄

TryingToBeBold · 08/01/2020 20:56

I do wonder (as a PP has posted)..
Would you have the same annoyance if this was requested by your DM rather than MIL..

howabout · 08/01/2020 21:24

I agree Alsohuman. My DH is one of 5 and we live further away than the rest. Absolutely impossible to accommodate everyone's schedule especially now everyone has partners and DC. No problem with MiL setting plans without consulting us. Otoh she would let us know what is planned but never expect us to attend on demand, especially if it meant taking time off work and school and long drives for short stays.

DH has 4 sisters and it is just a reality that they are closer to his DM when it comes to party planning than he is. Otoh because he is a bit more distant he is very good at the role of honest broker or deaf ear to sound off to.

In similar situation to the Op he would probably suggest a separate date just for us with his DM and touch base with his sisters to square it away.

FelicisNox · 08/01/2020 21:37

I love how everyone is jumping on the OP like:

Let your DH go without you, he'll be fine travelling for 5 hours on his own with a 5 year old and a toddler....er no. Most men can't find their own ass with a map and a torch and what if one of the kids decides to scream the entire way or scream and puke?

Or how about "5 hours is nothing".... excuse me? It takes 5 hours to drive from Bedfordshire to Devon, that's BLOODY MILES AWAY. It's half a days travelling ffs.

Or my personal favourite, how the majority think it's totally fine that the OP was not consulted on anything and that there's no issue that unconsulted she should absolutely use up a day of her precious annual leave?

Oh. And to answer another poster, no. We don't all like our MIL and yes it would be WAY too much to ask of us to spend 5 minutes with them never mind travel 5 hours to see them.

You lot need a reality check. As usual.

joanne2020 · 08/01/2020 21:46

Personally I would weigh the trip up as being a memorable family trip and a valuable chance for you all to be close - a little more valuable in that you threw off commitments to make it happen - nothing bad will happen if you step out of the grind for a day or two Wink

GiveHerHellFromUs · 08/01/2020 21:50

@FelicisNox maybe you need a reality check rather than almost all of the other posters...

If your experience of men is that they couldn't look after two children by themselves for a whole 5 hours you're spending your time with the wrong men.

There have been plenty of suggestions that mean OP wouldn't have to take the day off.

And she does like her MIL.

Original poster
poppet85 · 08/01/2020 22:12

As an update we've decided to go up Friday afternoon so thank you for the advice on long journeys with children
You can all chill your boots now and carrying on judging someone else!

OP posts:
AlaskaElfForGin · 08/01/2020 22:14

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winkywonky · 08/01/2020 23:34

@FelicisNox
What a fucking sexist pig you are! I think you need a reality check. My husband and most men I know are more than capable with their children for 50 hours never mind 5. And travelling for 5 hours is not half a day - that is 12 hours. Don’t judge all men by your poor standards.

Bluerussian · 09/01/2020 00:11

I'm glad you're going, poppet, and hope a good time is had by all.

Elindab · 09/01/2020 01:02

Most men can't find their own ass with a map and a torch

Harsh but fair.

SaphfireRose · 09/01/2020 04:21

@ineedaholidaynow So you didn't have a 21st then? Or an 18th? Really?

FaveNumberIs2 · 09/01/2020 06:38

Sorry but why do your needs trump that of the person whose birthday it is?

It’s her birthday, her choice. If you can’t make it then don’t go, send your apologies and a nice gift and leave it at that rather than wanting her to change everything to fit around you.

And yes, I’d say the same if it were the other way around.

BabyEI · 09/01/2020 06:43

YABU. and ungrateful. Your MIL has planned and probably paid for this weekend away, so you could all be together as a family. Your excuses are just that, excuses, for what seems to be a lack of warmth towards you MIL. Your children are her grandchildren and to deny your MIL their company on her birthday is unkind. Try and be less critical and show more empathy.

MrsPworkingmummy · 09/01/2020 06:47

OP, this is exactly the type of thing my MIL would do. She's in her late 70s now and still makes a huge fuss of her own birthday. Wouldn't mind so much, but our daughter's is a few days later and she never remembers. I would begrudgingly go, but I would be so incredibly annoyed. A 10 hour drive with young children will be no fun. Hope it goes well OP xx

CasanovaFrankenstein · 09/01/2020 08:24

Hope you have fun OP. I do think 5 hours travelling twice over a weekend is a lot with children that age and it's a shame it couldn't have been arranged considering that. I have hardly any holiday so I sympathise most of all with taking the day off.

Scarriff · 09/01/2020 08:29

You have a difficult relationship with your husband's mother right? Both yòur husband and his mother know how you feel, and probably so do the rest of the family. Thats why the plans were not discussed with you my dear. You were expected to find fault with anything she wanted. So there is a choice here and think carefully. You can chin up , go to the party and do everything you can to make it a happy time for everyone around you. Or you can drop out and stay at home, perhaps going out with your own friends but making it clear to everyone that you dont choose to be part of the family celebration. Think about it. Marriage is for the long haul and the echoes of your choice will linger down the years.

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