MIL booked a weekend away

[poppet85]

My mother in law has booked a weekend away for her birthday for the family. Though she's booked it a good 5 hour drive away from us on a weekend term time .
For the rest of the family is about a 2 hour drive so easy to go up after school and their children are all much older . We have a 5 year old and 3 year old so traveling long distances isn't excatly straight forward.
I don't drive so my husband has to do it all ,he thinks we should take our son out of school on the Friday to make it easier and gets very defensive if I say otherwise. It would also me taking time off work
I really don't want to ,he loves school and we put alot of time getting him there etc .
I just feel it's very unfair on us she could have picked a half way place to make it easier or around the holiday time . She didn't check with us she just booked it .
I feel pressure to take my son out of school even though we've been put in this situation

@SaphfireRose It's the principle of it all. And as for lying that I'm a teacher ( now retired) would you like me to post my certificates and CV perhaps just so you can see ? why would I bother to lie?

God that would drive me mad I do love my IL's- (not actually proper IL's yet though as we're not married) but I wouldn't want to spend more than a day out with them!

Crap timing too, she should have at least asked when you were free.

Just send you husband and kids and say you have to work and can't get out of it.

Its just another Mother in Law bash thread - don't go, you obviously don't like her

I would phone MIL and ask if she can change the location. She may say yes!
I personally wouldn’t take my 5 year old out of school because I don’t want her to realise it’s potentially optional. Would start with ‘I don’t want to go to school today’ from her for sure.
Also, any more then an hour or 2 and she gets car sick.
My DS is 2 and I’ve never done a journey of that distance with him. Although I imagine it would be pretty awful.
In your shoes I’d decline the invite. I certainly wouldn’t take AL and travel 5hrs Saturday and 5hrs Sunday for a weekend away I wasn’t even asked if I wanted to go on.

@bert3400
She does like her and she is going. She’s trying to find ways to make it work and venting a bit. It’s not a huge mil bashing thread, just an understandable moan.

I wouldn’t drive 5 hours there, 5 hours back for a weekend away.

12 hours now? Crikey. OP must've moved to Inverness in the last hour

Journey of 5 hours with loo breaks/traffic = 6. 6 x 2 = 12. Estimate was 10-12.

Any other maths difficulties, feel free to contact me.

I suspect the OP has allowed time for breaks in her 5hrs

Tatiana spectacularly misses the point that the OP was exaggerating in the first place 😂

12 hours now? Crikey. OP must've moved to Inverness in the last hour

She's probably planning to come back home at the end of the weekend too.

YABU a 5 hour drive is nothing with kids, give them something to do, keep them occupied, maybe sit in the back with them.

A day off school at 5 is not going to harm your child, maybe a bit inconsiderate not to check, but maybe like others she feels it is no big deal. The other children being older makes no difference when travelling. They either behave or they don't.

Many head teachers are supportive of family time if it's occasional.

I would certainly they would be - and in my experience they are. I've worked in a primary school myself (in the office) and I cannot imagine any parent being impressed with a 'stickler-for-rules' at any cost. They are the worst type imo and experience. The best teachers and schools are those that are realistic, and take holistic approach by that I mean they see family time as important and would certainly not begrudge one lousy day. If they do, there is something very wrong with their mindset and I wouldn't want my child to be educated by them. I think there would be some extremely unhappy parents if any teacher in our area tried to come over as so strict and restrictive and unrealistic. Teachers simply don't risk taking that attitude, the fallout for them and the Principal is not worth it. And if a teacher did start getting attitude like that they would be dealt with pretty quickly by the Principal.

*hope

Yes barb, home to the highlands

Since when was a five hour drive equated to a trek across the Sahara? We travelled back and forth to/from Germany with young children , no problem.
As has been said the problem seems to be that its'the dreaded' MIL, had it been her mother the reaction would probably have been different,

jus tleave after school, stop half way for a naughter buger king dinner in the services and change the kids into PJS, they can be put to bed when you arrive. Do the same on the Sunday night. We always do this for long drives, it cuts down on moaning kids in the back as they are asleep for half the journey!

Tatiana spectacularly misses the point that the OP was exaggerating in the first place

Nope. You accused her of exaggerating without a shred of evidence, without knowing either location.

@JinglingHellsBells I'm sorry, I didn't actually mean I was questioning you or saying you were lying and I apologise if I gave you that impression.

Sometimes what one sees as 'principles' are actually unrealistic, and rule-happy. As I said before, the teachers who did well in their career as teachers knew, understood and respected that family time is as important as school time. I think those are the best principles a teacher can possibly have. It's the right way.

Just don't go, imagine the misery of being stuck in the car for 5 hours... and using holiday time up. No thanks. Let DH take them and sort everthing out and enjoy a nice weekend!

Funny, when I first read this I thought 'if someone booked a party 5 hours away without checking I could make it, I wouldn't go'. But actually, I love road trips and my kids are really good in the car so I think I was just being difficult out of principle. Maybe you're doing a bit of that? As in, it's not really that much of a terrible thing, to take a day off work/school and go on a trip, you're just annoyed that she didn't check with you first.

You're going to go anyway so your best approach is to make it a great weekend. (But yes, my first reaction would be indignation too).

One of my kids was terrible in a car. I wouldn't have driven 5 hours for a weekend party. The other was a dream
Do posters not realise all kids arw not the same. Can't you let you H go alone and say you can't get time off

SentimentalKiller my DD was dreadful in the car as a baby and screamed for the whole journey however it didn't stop me driving 3 1/2hrs to visit the inlaws regularly. It is what it is...This is a one off by the sounds of it and for a special occassion

@SentimentalKiller I would think the grandparents and extended family would love to see the DC, especially if they don't see them often. Having the kids there is part of the whole point. Yeah it can be a pain, but you can't stop life if your kids are difficult. I never wanted to go on those 19 hour bus trips as I suffered absolutely terrible bus sickness, I dreaded it so much I cannot possibly tell you how much I dreaded it, but it was too bad, I had to go and was given no alternative. Sometimes kids just have to do want they don't want to do, full stop. Later on when my parents discovered anti-travel sickness tablets, my travelling became a whole lot better and I didn't mind it so much.

And why are people suggesting trains and flying? What a ball ache

Agree. Time to airport, park and transfer, arrive 1-2 hours before check in etc Train may mean changing trains. It saves the driving but may take longer!

Just plan on best time to get on the road and how to break up the journey.

Have you said where you're travelling from and to? People may have better suggestions then.