MIL booked a weekend away

[poppet85]

My mother in law has booked a weekend away for her birthday for the family. Though she's booked it a good 5 hour drive away from us on a weekend term time .
For the rest of the family is about a 2 hour drive so easy to go up after school and their children are all much older . We have a 5 year old and 3 year old so traveling long distances isn't excatly straight forward.
I don't drive so my husband has to do it all ,he thinks we should take our son out of school on the Friday to make it easier and gets very defensive if I say otherwise. It would also me taking time off work
I really don't want to ,he loves school and we put alot of time getting him there etc .
I just feel it's very unfair on us she could have picked a half way place to make it easier or around the holiday time . She didn't check with us she just booked it .
I feel pressure to take my son out of school even though we've been put in this situation

You can't say whether trains, driving or flying is better unless you know where someone is going.

I can get to most places quickest by driving, but if I wanted to drive to London, it's probably going to be a 5 hour drive (isn't every trip on Mumsnet a 5 hour drive, I think there was a thread about it ).

But I could get there on the train in under 3, because there's a fast train service, and I wouldn't have to worry about parking, congestion charge etc, but the train is bloody expensive, especially if more than one person and/or not booked months in advance.

@Cacacoisfarraige are you on the right thread?

@joyfullittlehippo The MIL isn't 'demanding' anything. Re-read the OP.

just to attend on silly little birthday party!

It is a milestone birthday. I'd say the selfish one is you, if you expect everyone in your family who has a party to consult with you first, when it is their party. Wtf? How entitled can you be!

OP can you say a bit more about this "weekend away" without being too specific?

Is it a posh hotel with a spa and fine dining?
Centre Parcs (or similar set up)
A luxury cottage?
A nice part of the country?
Do you get fed and entertained?
Will there be stuff for your little ones to do?

....or are you all going to be bunking down in a grim shepherd's bothy on a windswept moor and living off cold baked beans?

I think it makes a bit of a difference tbf.

Just have a "dentist appointment" Friday afternoon

A 5 year old isn’t going to know that they’ve got the day off school unless you tell them

If I was booking a weekend away with family I would talk to everyone who I was inviting to check whether they could come, especially if it could involve taking children out of school and days off work. It is just common courtesy but also common sense, as there would be a price difference between a cottage for 8 and a house for 20 say, depending on who could come. Also if OP is the only one with young children you might book different accommodation if they could or could not come.

@OverByYer mine absolutely would.

Im doing a 5 hour drive each way this weekend for my mils bday and the dc taking mon off school. Theyre older now but weve done it before for other occasions when they were as young and younger than your dc. Yes its hassle but if it were something you wanted to go to then Im sure youd find a way around it and put up with any annoyances

I’d feel a bit resentful too as it’s convenient for them all and five hours is a long time for children to sit in the car.

We have a MIL 4 hrs away, and when we visit I collect my children just after the afternoon register, at about 1.30/2pm. The school explained that once registered I can do this without having to risk a fine or get permission if it’s a rare event for family reasons. A special birthday with family who are a long way away is fine by our head teacher. I think whilst not ideal it’s better than taking a whole day as the hard work is done in the morning and afternoons are art/pe/pse.

Leaving at 2 misses the dreadful Friday traffic.

I do sympathise with you tho as doubtless you would be happy to celebrate and delighted to be treated to a break, but it’s common curtesy to check with people as to plans if you require their company.

I have not read every post on this thread.

On the assumption that MIL is paying all the costs of where you would be staying
It seems like she is paying out money, probably lots of money, in order to have all her family around her on her special birthday and all OP can do is moan and complain. OP is being treated to a weekend away and that is just not enough for her.

I think the family members should be treating her to a weekend away at their expense. Maybe then OP could have a say in the choice of location.

Your MIL sounds like mine - a selfish, thoughtless cow!
5 hour drive WITHOUT stops or traffic, or Friday traffic!
So realistically a seven hour journey with 2 young kids only to come back 24 hours later?!
Nah!
And then a ridiculously late arrival home on Sunday before a full week at work and school?!
Not a chance!

My MIL did something very similar and I was blamed when I refused to drive my toddler that far for such a short period of time.

She's very inconsiderate to not even ask if you may be free or to think about the pressure it puts on you

To be honest she maybe booked it so far away so you wouldn’t come. You sound like a proper wet blanket. No kid loves school as much as they love going on an adventure somewhere new and meeting cool older cousins. Don’t go if your going to have a sticking attitude and ruin it for others. It’s her birthday, not yours.

simple question... would you be as upset if your mum did same?

If I’m reading this correctly are a few issues.
Firstly, the OP and family has been invited to a weekend away which she is very grateful for (and would enjoy spending time with in-laws) but as it has been arranged without discussion about any limit to travel it will impact the amount of annual leave left for childcare during school holidays. I think that’s a fair enough gripe and would wonder why OP’s OH doesn’t explain to his mum that it would have been better to check with them if such a long journey was possible that weekend. Maybe she didn’t think of annual leave being an issue?
Secondly, the two kids are younger than all the other cousins, not great travellers nor sleepers which makes the potential enjoyment of the weekend less as they could be out of sorts with tiredness and parents stressed after a long and potentially stressful 😬 journey.
Thirdly, if the OP doesn’t like her kid missing school then that’s ok, it’s also ok to be a bit annoyed that someone else has “forced” the decision unless they travel at night and miss the first evening together. That’s what she is comfortable/uncomfortable with and we are all entitled to our own feelings. Personally, I would take the day off and make the journey a fun time with lots of stops. The kids will enjoy it much more (and adults!) and the 5yo will remember it more than what they did in school. Good memories are important to take when you can.
When you add up all the gripes it makes it worse so maybe just think of what would be most relaxing, travelling during the day with stop offs for the kids to get out and play, look out the window etc or travelling at night when (if?) they would sleep and then lifting them into a strange bed. Don’t let your gripes take away from what’s most practical and enjoyable for you all. Good luck OP. 🙂

Big birthday?
Yes.

Normal birthday?
Only if you can.

Don't take him out of school - she is being selfish and 10 hours in a car with children that age for two days away is just unreasonable

Surely MIL booked the weekend away where she did because its somewhere she wanted to visit and to spend her birthday in, not out of spite to OP?

Pick DS up on Friday afternoon after the PM register. If his school is like most he’ll only miss an hour and a half of golden time and it won’t affect his, or the school’s, absence stats.

Pick 5 year old up after lunch and take a half day off work ... drive up late afternoon stopping for tea and a leg stretch ... change kids into PJs and hope they get the idea and sleep ... hopefully you’ll be able to transfer them at the other end into bed .

It’s a big birthday so you probably need to try and do it . The fact that you tried will be recognised . If you don’t it will be remembered forever .

Do you want to go, yes or no?
If yes then I would do what I could to make that happen Including taking your son out of school.
If no, don’t go. But know it will have repercussions. MIL has been short sighted in her destination choice and I think ‘we can’t make it’ is a reasonable excuse for this reason.

We’ve family who live at the other end of the country. They moved from where we live now to where they are now but expect us to make the trip to see them all the time. We used to go there and back in a weekend which all of us (hubby and kids) hated. We could have stayed longer but a. Where they live is a shit hole and b. Both self employed so reluctant to take time off (and not earn anything) to visit.

Sounds like fun to me! Weekend away, celebrating as a family. Yes, a long car journey but hardly the end of the world....