MIL booked a weekend away

[poppet85]

My mother in law has booked a weekend away for her birthday for the family. Though she's booked it a good 5 hour drive away from us on a weekend term time .
For the rest of the family is about a 2 hour drive so easy to go up after school and their children are all much older . We have a 5 year old and 3 year old so traveling long distances isn't excatly straight forward.
I don't drive so my husband has to do it all ,he thinks we should take our son out of school on the Friday to make it easier and gets very defensive if I say otherwise. It would also me taking time off work
I really don't want to ,he loves school and we put alot of time getting him there etc .
I just feel it's very unfair on us she could have picked a half way place to make it easier or around the holiday time . She didn't check with us she just booked it .
I feel pressure to take my son out of school even though we've been put in this situation

Sounds more like the op doesn't like her MIL

we put alot of time getting him there etc .

What does this mean? Do you travel by helicopter or something? Is the trip to school more arduous for you than for everyone else?

What a load of fuss over a 5 hour drive. Go or don't go but at least appreciate your MIL is trying to do something nice for you all (imagine that!). Perhaps she did actually speak to your DH about it but he didn't tell you in case of any drama.

Just go. I took my two out of secondary school at Friday lunchtime in November as we had a 4 hour drive for my parents wedding anniversary. It wasn't ideal but it was a one off.
For a 5 year old it's not a big deal. You obviously dislike MIL but I'd do it for one weekend.

Personally, 5 hours is not such a hassle, it is not as if you are going there and back on the same day. You are not even driving and a 5 year old education is not going to go off rails for missing play time and a bit of reading time.

This is just an invitation, not an imposition, that you can graciously decline if you are not arsed to move out of your comfort zone.

You don't have to go.

God, just take the day off and go! Ffs, its not like your son willnbe missing much at school, he's 5!

I'm taking ds out of school on Friday but the trip is only 3 hours away and it benefits myself and Dh. That said, in Ireland nobody bats an eyelid when kids are taken out of school. So while taking your child out of school wouldn't be an issue for me, I do think it's pretty shit that your mil chose a destination so far away from you, especially when your kids are the youngest. I wouldn't be keen on a 5 hour drive for a couple of nights away and having to face into another 5 hours back on a Sunday.

5hours for a weekend away is beyond my limits of acceptable driving time I'm afraid (and that's without 2 small kids). IME the people who plan these sort of events are typically the ones who don't drive and wouldn't travel that far themselves, but expect it's ok for others to do so!
In terms of the 5 yr old missing a day or afternoon of school I wouldn't hesitate if you decide to go.

Go. Taking your son out of school for one day would have no impact on his learning and it probably wouldn't register with him that its not the weekend anyway. It does sound like you're making excuses not to go.

I would have hated having to do this - 10 hour round trip for 48 hours away...
Your MIL has done what she wants for her birthday and hasn’t considered you will need to take time off work etc - she sounds a little wrapped up in herself and her birthday.

I don’t think you have an option but take Friday off and keep your little one off school although it would irritate me if I had to take a days holiday from my precious 25 days for this, and before the keyboard warriors start I love my MIL very much - although she is a very considerate woman and would never presume to use my time like this.
OP - swallow down what’s happened and move on because in reality you don’t have much choice. Xx

I wouldn't go anywhere unless it had been run past me first. Let alone somewhere that involved 10 hours driving for a couple of days. Send a nice birthday card and let your husband do as he pleases.

Is she paying for this trip?

I would take the one in school out 5 mins after lunch for a dental appt so he's marked as there for the afternoon session and get straight on the road. We have done this before and will do again when travelling 10hrs to Scotland.

Birmingham rush hour is fine if you take the toll road.... It seems like your looking for excuses not to go.

taking a 5 year old out of school isnt a big deal.
this makes me think of my family in USA who literally fly over states or drive days through the night to get to the next 'village'!no big deal.
try not to see it as a chore.
instead flip it.mil has booked a nice place for you all to go meet up.little one get to have the day off school and you all get to be together.
i know ou family wouldnt book places nearer to us because to be honest where we live doesnt have the nicest of places ha.so to get to those lovely cottages we would deff be the ones to travel their way.
unless there is a back story.could she just have had a birthday coming,wanted to get everyone togther and found a place she liked and invited everyone.no malice. maybe a little too little thought but hey its her birthday so she went for it.

MIL has made a unilateral decision about dates, based around her birthday

Yes, that is generally what birthdays are about

School attendance is based on the AM and PM registers, so if you collect your child after the PM register, the school don't lose any attendance but you get to leave early and miss the rush. If you leave at lunchtime, making up the hours at work might be more palatable than booking a whole day off. Your 5yo misses the afternoon only and you'll be there by early evening.

What can help on longer journeys (time dependent) is that we sometimes look to stop for food just off the motorway at a pub or similar with a climbing frame/garden, just so the kids can run around. There are websites that can help you find suitable places. Obviously the speed of service is going to be slower than a service station McDonalds, but if the kids need a run, it can be worth it. We don't have a 3yo though (and to be honest I've blanked out what it was like!!).

We also gets the kids in their PJs after stopping for food for the last leg.

So how do you usually manage visiting your DH's mum? Presumably you do do the journey sometimes so what's the big deal?

Your children are so small taking them out of school and nursery for a day is nothing to worry about. Just stop being a grouch about it. Your husband wants to go, so go.

God, some people are never happy are they? Always have to find an issue with everything.

OP has said she likes MIL so that isn’t the problem

😂

It so clearly is

Oh for goodness sake, she’s booked it for the convenience of the majority and your son is 5, a day off is fine - more of an issue for the older ones. I think she booked sensibly and you are making an issue where there isn’t one.

Our school will fine us for taking a child out of school for an unauthorised absence.

I love these batshit threads whether all theMIL haters come out.

My daughter's 5 children are ages 2, 4, 6, 8, and 10. When she comes down from her home, 250 miles away, she leaves about 3am. The children sleep a lot of the way. Is there somewhere to go if you get there early? you could maybe get up and leave when the five year old wakes.

If most of the family live in an area and one member far away I would expect most family events to be closer to the majority and a long journey for the outlier. That’s my situation and it makes more sense for us to travel even with a young child than for 20 other people to have to travel.

Ask yourself OP honestly, you don't need to tell us, if it were your DMs special birthday and she had booked a trip five hours away for a lovely weekend, would you feel differently?

Base your actions on your honest response.