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Original poster

MIL booked a weekend away

354 replies

poppet85 · 07/01/2020 07:16

My mother in law has booked a weekend away for her birthday for the family. Though she's booked it a good 5 hour drive away from us on a weekend term time .
For the rest of the family is about a 2 hour drive so easy to go up after school and their children are all much older . We have a 5 year old and 3 year old so traveling long distances isn't excatly straight forward.
I don't drive so my husband has to do it all ,he thinks we should take our son out of school on the Friday to make it easier and gets very defensive if I say otherwise. It would also me taking time off work
I really don't want to ,he loves school and we put alot of time getting him there etc .
I just feel it's very unfair on us she could have picked a half way place to make it easier or around the holiday time . She didn't check with us she just booked it .
I feel pressure to take my son out of school even though we've been put in this situation

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PullingMySocksUp · 07/01/2020 07:19

So what’s the alternative?

OverByYer · 07/01/2020 07:19

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Inanothertime · 07/01/2020 07:22

What birthday? A big one or just any old birthday?
YANBU, she has been thoughtless and inconsiderate.
Do you have to go? If so, make it easy for yourself and take the Friday.

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Kubo · 07/01/2020 07:22

I wouldn’t go. If your DH would be doing all the driving anyway, he could just go by himself?

CosmoK · 07/01/2020 07:23

It's her birthday so her choice. Take the 5 year old out of school. It's not a big deal.
A 5 hour drive isn't that bad ...set off to avoid the traffic and plan a couple of stops.
It just sounds like you don't want to go so are looking for an excuse to get out of it.

SeaViewBliss · 07/01/2020 07:24

Would you compromise and pick DS up at lunchtime?

At 5 it’s not a massive deal as a one off.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 07/01/2020 07:24

Ffs .no wonder families fall out!
She has done a nice thing!
Suck it up, do the drive, have fun with the family.

NothingIsGoing2GetBetterItsNot · 07/01/2020 07:24

Sounds like you don't like mil....? Otherwise there's no way you're be so uptight about taking a very young primary school age child out for One day to spend time with family! It's inconsequential at that age. Don't be mean it's your husband's family. Unless there's a massive backstory with mil just do it, it'll be good for the kids too it's their family as well after all.

Kubo · 07/01/2020 07:25

It's her birthday so her choice

Well, it’s her choice what she does for her birthday, but she can’t insist on attendance.

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 07/01/2020 07:28

Wait ... she didn't even check first that you'd want to go or be willing to do a 10 hour round trip over the weekend with two very young children in the car?? Is she nuts?

MyNewBearTotoro · 07/01/2020 07:29

Personally I feel like one missed day of school isn’t a big deal, especially at 5 and even more so on a Friday. I get that your DS enjoys school, but I’m sure he will also r joy a holiday with his cousins and grandparents?

If you really can’t relax and just let him have the day off can you compromise, send him in for the morning and pick him up at lunchtime? In my experience as a teacher he won’t miss anything of any importance on a Friday afternoon!

reallyrandomwords · 07/01/2020 07:32

I would say that missing the day isn't a big deal, however, she's still BU! Two hours for everyone else, 5 for you, and not even checking you're available?! Nuts!

CosmoK · 07/01/2020 07:32

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GiveHerHellFromUs · 07/01/2020 07:32

Don't go if you don't want to take time off work.

DH can take the kids and you can get a weekend to yourself.

MsChatterbox · 07/01/2020 07:34

I would be equally annoyed that this would be booked without checking. That amount of travelling on a school weekend is not fun. Especially as you will need to lose some annual leave or some pay.

However this is one of those situations where I would let it go to keep the peace. I think you missing it will cause bigger issues than your son missing a day of school.

PityParty4one · 07/01/2020 07:35

At 5 I would take DC out if school for the day.
The 5 hour drive sounds unpleasant but doable.
Are you really putting all the importance on a 5 yo missing 1 day of school or is there something else?

Aderyn19 · 07/01/2020 07:35

Who has to take the day off work? And do you normally save that time to cover school holidays? I disagree with the majority - travelling for 10 hours over the weekend with 2 small kids and which also requires you to take annual leave is a big ask and it shouldn't just be assumed that you can go.
I've done it and it's a pita.

Wonkydonkey44 · 07/01/2020 07:35

Take the day off!

Spacedust1 · 07/01/2020 07:37

Could you travel in the evening? That way the children will most likely sleep all the way and you won't need to take time off work?

Aderyn19 · 07/01/2020 07:37

I wouldn't send my DH by himself with 2 small DC - I always found with mine that one parent was needed to look after the DC in the car while the other was driving.

MzHz · 07/01/2020 07:38

You know what? Thanks ordinarily I’d think that it’s a bit of a liberty to book something that means others have to take time off work and take kids out of school etc, but your son is 5, and if you were family minded and wanted to spend time with you h family this wouldn’t have been an issue! We’d not have even known about it, you’d have said “ok, I’ll book a day off, we’ll tell the school he won’t be in that day and job done...”

I took a day off so I could get my 9yo to a rugby tournament weekend far away, school allowed it, and your school would allow this as it’s a family event.

Unless there is a VERY good reason for you to have no or low contact with your dh family, you very much need to give yourself a shake and get yourSelf, you dc and h part of the extended family

MzHz · 07/01/2020 07:38

Random thanks inserted there. Sorry Blush

GiveHerHellFromUs · 07/01/2020 07:39

@Aderyn19 so the children and DH should all miss out because it's a bit of a faff for OP?

I'm sure he's perfectly capable of caring for two children.

A couple of stops along the way and there'll be no issue.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/01/2020 07:40

If you don’t want it to impact his attendance rate you can take him out of school after lunchtime registration on the Friday afternoon.

I hate being in the car so 5 hours of travelling each way is not much fun for me. How do your children travel? I used to be horrendously travel sick at that age (which I am sure influences why I hate being in a car for a long time)

I do think it odd if someone is booking something for a weekend they don’t check whether other people can come before they book it. For some people it is not that easy to book a day off work.

TillyTheTiger · 07/01/2020 07:40

Get the kids into pyjamas and leave at 6.30pm. You'll arrive before midnight, they'll sleep most of the way and you'll avoid the awful Friday rush hour traffic. Plus you won't need to miss work and your son won't need to miss school.