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Original poster

MIL booked a weekend away

354 replies

poppet85 · 07/01/2020 07:16

My mother in law has booked a weekend away for her birthday for the family. Though she's booked it a good 5 hour drive away from us on a weekend term time .
For the rest of the family is about a 2 hour drive so easy to go up after school and their children are all much older . We have a 5 year old and 3 year old so traveling long distances isn't excatly straight forward.
I don't drive so my husband has to do it all ,he thinks we should take our son out of school on the Friday to make it easier and gets very defensive if I say otherwise. It would also me taking time off work
I really don't want to ,he loves school and we put alot of time getting him there etc .
I just feel it's very unfair on us she could have picked a half way place to make it easier or around the holiday time . She didn't check with us she just booked it .
I feel pressure to take my son out of school even though we've been put in this situation

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FoamingAtTheUterus · 07/01/2020 08:33

Can your husband take them and you make your own way on the train after work ?? If you pre-book you can probably do it really cheaply.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 07/01/2020 08:33

Yes, it's one weekend. All the more reason for MIL to have discussed arrangements with family before making them, to be sure they could all come.

Bluerussian · 07/01/2020 08:36

Do go, the journey can have sufficient stops; take your child out of school - at that age t won't matter.

It's a pity the venue is so far away but MIL couldn't please everyone. Most people drive long distances for holidays with children (we did - endless 'are we nearly there yet?], think of it as a mini holiday. You might have a great time.

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MsTSwift · 07/01/2020 08:36

In laws live 5 hour journey. Best to leave after 6.30 then rush hour mostly gone.

Iggly · 07/01/2020 08:37

We had a similar arrangement and I was annoyed because it was done sneakily - we were asked if we were free that weekend then it turned out we were all expected to travel away for that weekend (and pay for it!)

In the end we went and it wasn’t as bad as we thought. Still grates a bit though.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/01/2020 08:37

For people saying don’t you go on holiday, yes and usually there is more than one day in between spending half a day in the car.

MIL lives that sort of distance from us. On a good day without young DC it might take 4.5 hours, more usually 5.5hrs. One memorable journey with a toddler DS took 8 hours. It was horrendous. It didn’t help that when we arrived MIL moaned at us for taking so long! The thought that we were going to do the return trip the next day wasn’t great either.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 07/01/2020 08:37

OP doesn't say they are paying nothing towards accommodation, so that's an assumption. I would have thought they'll be paying for meals out or contributing to self-catering costs. Taking a day off work is a cost, as it will either be unpaid or comes out of annual leave, which the OP and husband need for school holidays. But the cost isn't the issue, the time and effort is.

A long journey with little ones is a long journey with little ones, regardless of whether it's to Granny's house or a holiday cottage.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 07/01/2020 08:39

Most people don't go on holiday on Friday and come back on Sunday. Long journeys at the start and end of a fortnight are nothing like as tiring and boring as at either end of a long weekend with two very young travel sick children.

ellenpartridge · 07/01/2020 08:43

Surprised at all the people saying it's not a big deal, 5 hours not that bad, just take him out etc. WTF. I would not be agreeing to this in the circumstances you've described. Given that it's all been arranged without you actually being asked if it's suitable and it's not actually suitable, I would personally say we can't make it. A 10 hour round trip in the car for a weekend is ridiculous.

Aderyn19 · 07/01/2020 08:46

My DC was horribly car sick, and prone to crying in the car - there's no way I'd have considered a 5 hour (min) trip each way to be a good idea. And definitely not for one parent to do on their own. You can't just stop when you are driving on the motorway or even down little country roads. I wouldn't have considered my family to be missing out if they didn't do this trip.
Holidays are different in that you do the horrible journey but get a week or two of fun in the middle before coming home. A weekend trip is 10+ hours in the car for one clear day in the middle.
It's not to do with being unadventurous or not valuing family, it's about knowing your kids will hate the journey, you will both be knackered when you get there, will likely have no meaningful help with the kids because everyone else will be drinking and you will have to lose a day's annual leave for the privilege!

Fochit · 07/01/2020 08:46

I must be in the minority to not find travelling stressful. Too much negativity imo. I would be excited at the prospect of this weekend away. An opportunity to spend time with family and demonstrate to your DC that family and birthdays are important and a reason to celebrate then maybe, in years to come, your own children will maintain these family values.
If you’re starting the journey with a negative attitude and resenting the weekend away already no-one will have fun.
I feel sorry for your DH.

GU24Mum · 07/01/2020 08:47

At your son's age, I'd be less bothered about taking the time off school but annoyed about having to take annual leave. We constantly juggle/struggle and never attend any school functions together so for me taking a day's AL for a family party means not attending a nativity play/sports day or paying for another day in holiday club. Doable but less annoying if the arrangements have been discussed rather than decided unilaterally!

notacooldad · 07/01/2020 08:49

It's her birthday so her choice

Well, it’s her choice what she does for her birthday, but she can’t insist on attendance
Did anyone say she had?

Jesus wept, it's a big birthday celebration, of course she can choose where she has it and presumably she has chosen somewhere either very special or has always wanted to go.
What's the harm in going out of your way for a family member once in awhile? I think nearly everyone on MN lives in their own zone bubble and will find any way to resist something that takes them out of that zone.
The child is 5 , half a day won't affect him and he will be with his extended family which will be exciting for him.
Annual leave are for things such as this as well as planned holidays
So you are coming through Birmingham,you know what it's going to be like so plan around it. Or don't go.
So she didn't check with you, Boo hoo. If she started doing that with everyone, nothing would get arranged. Someone is trying to arrange a meal in our family, never mind a weekend and messages are just getting complicated. It would be much better if some said, 2nd Saturday in January or February, which one and went for the majority.
We have a 5 year old and 3 year old so traveling long distances isn't excatly straight forward another block? Are you serious, how do you think 1000's of families get to France or one end of the country for their holidays every year. With a bit of planning and thought that's how!You plan stops, pack snacks, games etc.

I may be in the minority but I would be excited about having a weekend away for a party 🎉 with everyone together.

FredaFrogspawn · 07/01/2020 08:50

Another vote for sending dh with the kids on Thursday night and getting the train yourself to the nearest station (where he can collect you) after work on Friday. Then a leisurely drive with a stop somewhere nice for lunch on Sunday. The dc will remember a great weekend away. Missing a day of school aged 5 is no biggie if he’s usually a good attender.

SleepDeprivedElf · 07/01/2020 08:50

Is is possible to go by train? We tend to use it instead of longer journeys (with kids of a similar age) as it's a bit more fun. You wouldn't have massive bags for a weekend trip either.

Fochit · 07/01/2020 08:51

I suspect it wasn’t booked without prior knowledge. Location may not have been known but the weekend away will have been discussed.
Perhaps the OPs DH knew the location too but anticipated the OPs reaction and prioritised his DMs wishes for her special birthday.

lowlandLucky · 07/01/2020 08:51

5 bloody hours drive! What is wrong with that ? I had 3 aged 20 months 3 and 5 had drove from Germany to Scotland via Dover. As for a day off school, he is 5 it is not major.Personally i think your nose is out of joint because your MIL had the audacity to book without clearing it with you first. Maybe your Husband sould take the kids and leave you at home for the weekend, that way you wont spoil it

TatianaLarina · 07/01/2020 08:53

Jesus wept, it's a big birthday celebration, of course she can choose where she has it

Of course she can choose where she has it. But if she chooses without consulting the rest of the family and one part would have to take time off work and school to accommodate the drive, of course they can’t go.

If she wants her whole family there - she needs to consult them.

My parents would never be so thick as to organise something without checking we’re available and finding a date and location that suits everyone.

SilverOtter · 07/01/2020 08:53

It's HER big birthday....why on earth would she pander to other people instead of doing what she wants?!

Fochit · 07/01/2020 08:54

Maybe your Husband sould take the kids and leave you at home for the weekend, that way you wont spoil it

😂 and MIL can do a merry little dance

TatianaLarina · 07/01/2020 08:55

It's HER big birthday....why on earth would she pander to other people instead of doing what she wants?!

Because she wants them to attend? If she’s a dim, selfish and inconsiderate enough not to consult them she can’t complain if they can’t go.

crustycrab · 07/01/2020 08:58

"Don’t enable thoughtless people"

You sound nice

She's booked a weekend away that suits the majority. She can't control where OP lives. It's a 5 hour drive not a trans Atlantic flight

CassandrasCastle · 07/01/2020 08:58

Oh gawd, you clearly really really don't want to go - bit weird to go on about how important your son's school is to him, you etc. when you'd just need to take him out for 1 day/half a day though...

Aderyn19 · 07/01/2020 08:58

She can do what she wants - she just can't expect everyone else to!

TatianaLarina · 07/01/2020 09:00

She can do what she wants - she just can't expect everyone else to!

Quite.

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