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Original poster

MIL booked a weekend away

354 replies

poppet85 · 07/01/2020 07:16

My mother in law has booked a weekend away for her birthday for the family. Though she's booked it a good 5 hour drive away from us on a weekend term time .
For the rest of the family is about a 2 hour drive so easy to go up after school and their children are all much older . We have a 5 year old and 3 year old so traveling long distances isn't excatly straight forward.
I don't drive so my husband has to do it all ,he thinks we should take our son out of school on the Friday to make it easier and gets very defensive if I say otherwise. It would also me taking time off work
I really don't want to ,he loves school and we put alot of time getting him there etc .
I just feel it's very unfair on us she could have picked a half way place to make it easier or around the holiday time . She didn't check with us she just booked it .
I feel pressure to take my son out of school even though we've been put in this situation

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ConstanceL · 07/01/2020 08:03

Your son is 5, taking him out of school for a day or half a day won't cause him to fail his a-levels in the future! I think you are being a bit mean towards your MiL. I understand annual leave is precious but I'm sure you can spare one half day. If not just tell you husband to go alone and deal with the fall out.

Original poster

poppet85 · 07/01/2020 08:04

I think I'll suggest we do a early/late drive thing . FYI our kids are really bad sleepers the 5 year old still wakes at night and wakes early and we don't normally do late night drives etc but I do actually like mil dispute what people may think !

OP posts:

ArthurMorgan · 07/01/2020 08:05

Everyone's going on about the 5 year old being fine to be taken out of school but the op has said she also has to take a day off work when she already has to save leave for the holidays, and given that they're only just back to school her employers might not be impressed...

I'd probably go late Friday though, after work, but I prefer to travel at night.

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Straycatstrut · 07/01/2020 08:05

Can you not take the train with the kids? I don't drive and am a single parent and have to travel with my youngest to a specialist hospital. He thinks the train ride is super exciting, and you could book it so there are changes. Just breaks it up a bit rather than motorwaaaaaay. There are toilets on the train, they can move around a bit etc.

At 5 you can just say he has a temp/isn't himself etc and the school won't question it. He won't miss much.

Ex & I took our 4 year old out for a week for a holiday to Spain before we split up. I don't think I'll be going abroad for 10 odd years at least now so I'm glad we did.

Original poster

poppet85 · 07/01/2020 08:05

Also leaving at lunchtime may mean we hit Birmingham at rush hour !

OP posts:

Redwinestillfine · 07/01/2020 08:05

I regularly travel this distance with young children. Put them in school in the morning and pick up just before you leave at 1.30. That way they will be marked as in and can still get 100% attendance. You can also ask the teacher to give you anything they may have missed if you're worried about that. If you start at 2, you can take a break at rush hour in a service station for tea and get them into pyjamas then, get back on the road for 6, and arrive about 8.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/01/2020 08:05

When DS was little he would sleep in the car, so he would sleep for the whole 5 hours and be no problem in the car - yay! Problem then was he wouldn’t sleep at night.

5 hours is a long journey if you don’t travel well. Also if you have a stressful, tiring job, then driving 5 hours after it, if they drive up in the evening, might not be a good idea.

champagneandfromage50 · 07/01/2020 08:06

I took my DC out of school on a Friday as we were travelling 500 miles for my DM big birthday. I took a day off work. You have a DH to share holiday cover with so I am not buying that you need to save all your leave. I certainly don't need to and I have 4 DC. My DC had a great time with the family after a long journey . I downloaded movies onto the iPad, colouring books and plenty of snacks. Not surprised your DH isn't happy with you. Doesn't sound like a regular occurrence and if your MIL has invited all the family I have no doubt her choice of venue was down to availability and size not one that would take you longer to drive to.

Shouldershrugger · 07/01/2020 08:06

It's one day!

CosmoK · 07/01/2020 08:06

Reading some of the responses on here I can see why so many people have poor realtionsips with their families.
It's a big birthday. Make the effort.....who knows if you relax and go in with a positive attitude you might actually enjoy yourself. Your child will probably enjoy it too ....a chance to spend time with extended family.

chumbawum · 07/01/2020 08:07

If you're going to the trouble of taking him out at lunch time and risking rush hour Birmingham (no fun I assure you) just take the whole day and get there in good time with a nice stop in the middle.

Sirzy · 07/01/2020 08:07

Well then leave an hour later or earlier.

It’s pretty obvious you just don’t want to go but remember your husband and children probably quite like the idea of spending time with extended family

rudolfsquiffy · 07/01/2020 08:08

Is it her treat, is it a beautiful place?

It's a one off and aged 5 it won't matter. Just take the time off, is there a backstory?

Straycatstrut · 07/01/2020 08:08

Ahh the work problem might not be as easy. Sick day I suppose but I KNOW it's not that simple.

I'm not working currently but will be soon and I am dreading having to juggle childcare issues with it. I have no other help and I just can't see how it's going to work with school holidays and when the kids are ill. I am exhausted with everything I juggle already as a single parent.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 07/01/2020 08:10

Rush hour in Birmingham - motorway or non-motorway?

Non-motorway isn't bad and motorway is ok. Which direction?

crustycrab · 07/01/2020 08:12

"he loves school and we put alot of time getting him there"

What does this even mean? You put a lot of time getting him there? Just take him out for the day, he'll miss nothing. He is 5!

And the rush hour stuff is just dramatic. Pack the car up and leave by 10, stop for lunch, you'll be there by 3 🤷🏽‍♀️

ineedaholidaynow · 07/01/2020 08:12

If people only get 4 weeks holiday, even with 2 parents covering school holidays that does not cover all school holidays, so taking leave can be problematic for some.

speakout · 07/01/2020 08:12

I wouldn't go.

A 10 hour return drive with young children, taking a day off work and a whole weekend lost.
I can't summon up enthusiasm for adults who see their birthdays as a big deal.

If OH insists on going could he either go alone or take the 2 year old and you have a weekend at home with both kids or the the 5 year old OP?
Could you travel on the Saturday morning by train with the older child?

Too much time and hasssle all round for a birthday. And very unfair of her to expect you to be able to easily attend.

babybythesea · 07/01/2020 08:15

The only thing I’ll add is I regularly travel 5 hours with my 2 DC to see my parents. 5 hours actual driving door to door. The journey is never 5 hours. We average 6.5. Best has been 5.5, worst has been nearly 10 due to standstill traffic.
If it is five hours driving then by the time you have stopped for wee breaks etc (and they take longer with little people, not much but it all adds up) the actual journey time is easily an hour or more longer than that. We often put aside a day to travel. This Christmas, we left their place at 10 and stopped for lunch and for toilet breaks and got home at 4.30.
Plan your travel time. The person who suggested going at 3 to be there at 8 is unrealistic. That’s rush hour and it will take forever. Better to either go late (leave at 7ish), hope the kids will sleep in the car and this will also minimise stops, or very early (like 5am) the next day.

This is a special thing and I have travelled with my kids for similar. But I don’t usually do it - it barely feels like you are out of the car before you are back in again.

Fochit · 07/01/2020 08:15

I find it so sad that people don’t prioritise family and feel that celebrating a big birthday is some sort of crime.

TryingToBeBold · 07/01/2020 08:16

Do people not go on holidays further than a few hours from their home because the kids get restless?

Just take the day off. Take the 5yo. Leave at 10am after morning rush hour and get there before afternoon rush hour in time for dinner.
This doesn't have to be as stressful as you're making it.

CosmoK · 07/01/2020 08:17

I forgot this was MN .... apparently you aren't allowed to celebrate your birthday. And God forbid you ask others to celebrate too.
Family time is precious.....if you don't live near each other these are important things to attend.

Longdistance · 07/01/2020 08:18

Take the train.

speakout · 07/01/2020 08:21

Family time is precious.....

No one is suggesting the OPs OH does not see his family.

Orangedaisy · 07/01/2020 08:22

I wouldn’t take my 5yo out of school either. Would travel in the evening and suck it up though.

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