my MIL slapped my child + told me

[hermykne]

they were spoilt.
not in material goods but in how i treat them.

its one day later and i am still quite hurt about her saying this to me and for slapping ds. DD got very upset when she did it to ds.
i was out food shopping.

basically she said a good sla p would stop the antics of a nearly 5 and 3 yr old.

i feel i can withdraw or send her a note, as a friend suggested. not good face to face.

Oops sorry LL - just re-read. My tired foggy brain misinterpreted. Up at 4.30 2 weeks in a row will do that for you....

My MIL smacked my son (incredibly hard, I might add) the other day and told me he was running rings around me and would never learn unless I used physical discipline. I was outraged and told her she wasn't welcome in my house if she couldn't accept that we do NOT smack our children - our decision to make and we have made it, end of story. Why is it so hard for people to understand?

My parents used to say my children were spoilt too (I think it is a grumpy grandparent thing to say!) It amuses me now because whenever they see them, they seem amazed to see that, on the whole, my children are actually pleasant and well-behaved. I feel like saying to my parents, "See, not quite as spoilt as you once imagined, eh?"

I'm not much in favour of smacking/slapping (but my DS is only 5 months so haven't yet been sorely tested) but surely if you expect people to look after your kids, they must be allowed to chastise or discipline them?

You may not agree that a slap is the right thing to do or that telling a child they are bad is right but if they're in someone else's home, they have to abide by their rules.

Personally, I'd have a polite (and calm) word with them and ask them not to do it again, saying 'when X is misbehaving, I'd prefer it if you did Y'. It's not a big deal. I can't believe some of you are talking about threatening grandparents with not being allowed to see their grandchildren again! Talk about overreacting!

LL - thanks! I love DS to bits but my goodness, it's hard work

That serves me right for trying to post on a non housekeeping thread (i think it's my first time). This is why I lurk....

TT x

well i'm sure some of my parenting choices would be vehemently disagreed with, but using physical violence ito 'discipline' your child is, yes, bonkers.

[it is also illegal]

Pardon me for the over reaction. He was doing something he has done 1000 times before, just because fil wasn't in the mood to be bothered by it he got labelled a "bad boy".

I am not precious, he is not a child who gets away with behaving badly. And, for the record, he has never thrown stones at anyone's child.

I'll leave now as my opinion obviously isn't welcome.

I apologise.

Bonkers to you and your perception of smacking Ruty yes. Not to mine.

only read teh OP and so mad i had to reply before reading further.

i would have gone mad. how dare she.

you need to phone her (if you haven't already) and tell her that she has behaved badly and that she had no right to smack your child, point out that they are your children and if you chose not to smacjk she needs to respect that decision.

personally i wouldn't allow any further babysitting from her until she understands that... if ever

Well, you know the way a child stands on an adults feet? And the adult walks around with the child standing on their shoes/feet? Like you would do with a child learning to walk?

Well, this is a game FIL plays with my ds. Walking around the house with dh being "carried" on his feet. They play it every time they see each other.

That day ds got onto FIL's feet and held his hand. FIL told him to get down, but of course ds was playing like he always does. FIL then shook his feet, knocking ds to the ground and said he was a bad boy.

I picked him up and left the house. I went into the garden, trying to quieten a sobbing ds.

There, that's the whole story, but anyhow, I mustn't hijack someone elses thread.

Hermykne - sorry this has happened to you. I agree with Oenophile's excellent post - it's easy to create rifts and not so easy to mend them. Also your DH does need to be involved to support you - to help demonstrate that it is not you being unreasonable, and that it is a joint decision.

littlelapin - obviously that would be dreadful. A slap is in no way in the same ballpark IMO. But I said that if you don't agree with others' methods of disciplining your kids, make that clear. I can't believe you would leave your kids with someone when you have no idea whether they would smack them or not in the first place? Surely you know if your mother/MIL is the sort of person who would do that?

I just think that while saying 'okay don't wear socks then' is today's type of parenting, it wasn't the way I was brought up so to expect anyone of that generation to react in a laissez-faire manner to what they are going to perceive as disobedience is probably a bit naive.

Cowardice, I don't think you being upset was unreasonable and now that you have told what actually happened I would say that your FIL didn't react well. However, walking out isn't the answer.

mamazon, you can't speak to an adult as if she were a child, telling her that she has behaved badly. that's going to really piss her off and it certainly isn't going to make for a good relationship.

I agree sazzy, the point is as a child you should blooming well do what you are told. letting them defy you over small points is just the thin end of the wedge. Adults are in charge, or a least the should be, but sadly the kids seem to be now.

No, I'm jut not namby pamby.

I don't know about terrifying. I think Kitty's posts suggest that she is actually afraid of children. She talks a lot about "kids being in charge" and what will happen if the adults lose control. She perceives the child as the enemy and brute force as the only means of maintaining control. It's interesting.

Oh Greeny, you know me better than that!