my MIL slapped my child + told me

[hermykne]

they were spoilt.
not in material goods but in how i treat them.

its one day later and i am still quite hurt about her saying this to me and for slapping ds. DD got very upset when she did it to ds.
i was out food shopping.

basically she said a good sla p would stop the antics of a nearly 5 and 3 yr old.

i feel i can withdraw or send her a note, as a friend suggested. not good face to face.

Cowardice, if someone thinks one of my kids has been 'bad/naughty' I don't have to walk off because I don't agree.
Other people are allowed to have differing opinions to me about the behaviour and attitudes of my kids, they are separate human beings with their own thoughts. It's not my way or the highway.

Oh & no, my MIL wouldn't smack my dd. But if she did I think I would explain that we didn't use this method of discipline & we do not expect you too either.

I do however feel that cutting all ties is a little harsh. Also agree face to face would be better & when better that at the family meal tonight where you & dh can put on a united front?

That is fine LL. All I am saying is, there is a definite fall away in the culture of people taking it upon themselves to reprimand other people's children, and there is a definite increase in a lack of respect shown by older children. There must be some link there.

ffs, she hit him because he didnt want to put on his socks when asked.

would she hit her dh or anyone else for that matter for doing the same?...i doubt it.. so tell me the difference.

I am not defending the smacking.

If she had asked her son (as an adult) to put on some socks, he would have complied, or would have been old enough to take the consequences of not putting on his socks. Her grandson though, did not comply and is not old enough to know what is best for his feet.

Discipline is not the same as smacking/slapping/hitting. Bad, anti-social behaviour needs discipline, I completely agree. (BTW, I actually do something when I see it, instead of staying quiet which is what the vast majority of people do). I have no problem with discipline or reprimands. The issue with corporal punishment is when to stop once you start.

LL have you not seen the threads on MN where parents have been outraged that their friends have told off their children? Or have cuased outrage amongst their friends for telling off friends' children? I am sure you are bringing your child up in a responsible way and I am delighted to know you would take charge if you saw another child misbehaving, but many parents seem to get very irate when someone finds fault with their child (and I do not mean hermykne - I am talking generally).

Your MIl is completely in the wrong. As others suggested she was having trouble coping with the children and it is easier to blame you for spoiling them than to admit she wasn't coping.

I think your MIl slapping your son was outrageous but I wonder if thereis a way to salvage the relationship here.

Second chance maybe? State baldly that you do not approve of smacking ever and that you are sure it won't happen again now she knows that.

I'm not sure if going in all guns blazing is going to cause anything but a massive rift. Do your children like spending time with her normally?

hermykne - Poor ds and dd. I dont think think you should leave children with her again. I would also say that you dont agree with how she discplined your children and that she is not to lay a finger on them again.

DG, dont think this is one of those threads tho.

Hermy - hope it goes all ok. Your are your childrens champion and need to speak up for them xx

Message withdrawn

hermykne. maybe you can also tell your mil how you deal with bad behaviour and let her deal with it that way. Only you know what works with them, afterall, forewarned is forearmed as they say

I cannot understand people who justify smacking their children. And smacking is a euphenism for hitting. Would you hit your dh and justify it? I doubt it. would you hit your dog and justify it? I doubt it. So why your child? Do you really think it does anything but breed resentment and fear? You're crazy.

I wouldn't label someone crazy because they parent their children differently to me though. Lots of people on here are anti smacking. I am not but am coming round to the fact that at nearly 4 I can reason with my DS rather better than I could at 2. I have said this before and will say it again. Each to their own. Providing you are not breaking the law as Zenia always points out, it really is up to you how you discipline your kids.

I think I would have it out with you MIL face to face and tell her how upset you are about this. I don't know how your DP/H will react as he could feel uncomfortable dealing with it if it hasn't upset him as much IYKWIM. Surely the way forward is to tell her not ever to do this again as it's not the way you deal with things. Obviously if she does it again, then different matter.

Is she normally a nice Granny?

I admit I've not posted much in the past (am the worst kind of MNer - a lurker!) but I'm reading this thread with interest. Agree with parts of what everyone has said on here. I agree wholeheartedly about the lack of respect today in general.

I agree with Fiofio that my grandparents didn't ever slap any of their grandchildren but isn't that because we knew to show them respect. You'd never dare not do what your grandparents told you. It was like the law...

Interesting though that some people agree that grandparents shouldn't be allowed to call their grandchild a "bad boy". This isn't a stranger, this is a grandparent and I agree that this is vast over-reaction. I wouldn't like to be in the playpark asking this kid not to throw stones at my son or something.

Oh and for the record my Father recently told me that DS was spoilt and that I have no control ovre him. I was devastated and terribly upset. It's horrible when your own parent says this.

I think he has forgotten what a little shit I was when younger