Men at baby groups...

[Foxmuffin]

I might be BU but I’ve got a 3 month old baby and have been going to a few baby groups. I find it a bit off putting when partners/husbands join Mum and baby. I totally understand that women who have had sections will need help driving and possibly lifting things but have also know partners drop off and find a pub/cafe for the hour groups go on.

I’m EBF and I’ve been to a group of 9 where I was the only one BFing, with groups of new mums I feel comfortable just getting my boob out to feed, but when babies are on the bottle with men there I feel a bit uncomfortable and it kind of spoils it for me. I suppose if their partner is BFing I feel a bit more like they’ll understand. Please understand I’m not looking down at FF, it’s more that if Mum’s OH is used to seeing BFing and babies feeding for comfort for what can sometimes feel like most the group I feel they’ll understand.

My own DH went back to work after a week so I’ve been doing all these things on my own for some time. He has never been one to pander over either of us so I’ve had to do the food shop etc myself and get on without support (actually a little pandering would have been nice, but he’s not like that).

I’m probably being self conscious, I don’t mind feeding in public but in enclosed spaces I feel the need to be more discreet which then spoils baby bonding time which is why I go to these classes.

@Contraceptionismyfriend
*I think that until the NHS stops being so shit and new mothers neglected in post natal wars fathers are going to have to stay sometimes.

And if I end up with a Csec I would prioritise my needs above the wants of someone else*
Of course I understand the motivation behind what you're saying, but it's really shocking when you think about it. You are completely removing other women's ability to restrict who sees them at a time when they are highly vulnerable and exposed. For lots of reasons from religion to women having a history of sexual abuse, men being on maternity wards could bring up a whole lot of issues beyond just the fact that women should have the right to control who does and doesn't see them in such compromised situations.

Surely there is a better answer!

There is. But nobody is going to fix the NHS. All I could say to those women is close the curtain.

Because I guarantee that a majority of women when faced with the serious lack of post natal care that's on most wards now would prioritise their pain and their baby over someone else's dislike of their partner being there.

YABVU we as a society need to realise that more and more families are choosing to have SAHD's and generally more hands on dads. I love taking my son to baby and toddler groups so why shouldn't his father have the option to go when he is taking care of him?

Also ... aside from specific breastfeeding groups all the groups where I live are not "mum and baby" groups. They are just groups. We have mums, dads, childminders, grandparents etc all bringing their little ones and that's to be applauded surely!?

Your issue is more to do with feeling comfortable with bf in public. That's a different matter entirely as you will need to bf in public in a range of situations, not just baby groups (eg. Meeting friends for coffee) so it's something you'll likely become comfortable with over time.

Any half decent man wouldn’t bat an eyelid being in close proximity to a mum breastfeeding. Don’t make it weird, just do it.