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Original poster

Taking in a child for 3 months?

183 replies

Ivy44 · 16/05/2019 13:19

It’s looking like DP’s ex might be going to prison for 3 months for fraud.

DP and I have 1 child and we’re currently trying for another. We also have DSD - DPs daughter with the ex that might be going to prison. Of course we have said that DSD will come and live with us if her mum goes to prison. She stays with us 2 nights a week anyway and we live quite close to her school and friends.

DPs ex has another child, an older boy, who is not DPs child. I’ve never met this child, DP never sees him anymore (DPs ex stopped them from seeing each other when she split with DP). From what we hear from DSD, the older boy is quite badly behaved. DPs ex has asked us to take the older boy as well, if she goes to prison, so that the children aren’t separated. I can see why she’s asking but I’m not comfortable about it all. I feel bad for the boy but don’t think he is our responsibility.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ivy44 · 17/05/2019 14:20

@elsabadogigante
Spot on.

OP posts:
MrsFoxPlus4 · 17/05/2019 14:22

Ivy it just seems as though your using the fear as an excuse not to take the boy in, it can still be addressed right now wednesdays news doesn’t really make a difference to the conversation. Like I said if you don’t want to take him in dont, don’t expect strangers on the internet to validate your excuses or convince you other wise

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/05/2019 14:22

elsabadogigante just weird

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law General parenting
Original poster
Ivy44 · 17/05/2019 14:47

@mrsfoxplus4

So why do you post on Mumsnet?

OP posts:
MrsFoxPlus4 · 17/05/2019 15:02

That’s irrelevant it’s pretty clear you don’t want to, so stop trying to find an excuse or have someone change your mind. Just say no Hmm

Original poster
Ivy44 · 17/05/2019 15:06

Mrsfoxplus4

So you disagree with Mumsnet but still post on here?

OP posts:
MrsFoxPlus4 · 17/05/2019 15:16

Iv never said I disagree with mumsnet please quote where I said that thanks.

Iv said it’s clear you don’t want to do something that you’ve never been asked to consider anyways and are looking for people to validate your excuse just incase. No is suffice. None of this “DSD is scared of him but we haven’t mentioned it the her mum at all”

MrsFoxPlus4 · 17/05/2019 15:18

Oh correction you were asked to take him on, either way no is a whole answer.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/05/2019 15:18

OP try to ignore the people clearly just having a go at you Flowers

MyYe · 17/05/2019 15:24

And to all the people who would definitely take him in and shower him with love and turn his life around... the foster care system is full of innocent children who have been let down by the adults in their lives and may really benefit from a loving home such as yours.

Original poster
Ivy44 · 17/05/2019 15:40

Another thing to consider is that DP and I both work full time so we may not be able to give him the attention he needs. Yes, he would come into a loving home (but he is already in a loving home - his mother isn’t nasty, just not very sensible) but with two full time jobs and a toddler, plus DSD we potentially don’t have the time to give him the attention he needs. DD is at nursery, DSD is at primary and DSDs brother is at high school. That’s 3 drop offs and pick ups from different places 5 days a week to start with. If I could afford to be a SAHM then things may be a bit different.

OP posts:
elsabadogigante · 17/05/2019 15:42

Just say NO.

Original poster
Ivy44 · 17/05/2019 15:42

@myye

I’m surprised there are any kids left in the foster care system. Based on this thread, they should have all been taken in by mumsnetters.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 17/05/2019 17:22

It did occur to me this morning that I could offer, but I live in Essex and the OP lives in Scotland. Wink

HJWT · 17/05/2019 19:48

@Ivy44 heres a few reasons why... 1. He isn't your responsibility 2. His mum hasn't even offered you X amount of money to FEED him and run him to and from school etc 3. you DON'T know for certain how long she will be in prison 4. If you look after a child for more than 30 days you HAVE to inform social services 5. The child you ARE responsible for has expressed concern about her sibling....

Take your pick of which you would like to use, if people honestly think there won't be repercussions from this young boy being dumped on 'strangers' then your all blind, why do you think the UK had the lowest adoption rate for children over 3 🙄🙄🙄

If you do consider it because there is no other option contact SS and see if you can foster him for the 3 months, thats the only way you will get money to look after him

Original poster
Ivy44 · 17/05/2019 20:31

@singlenotsingle

It’s the thought that counts!

OP posts:
Bringonspring · 17/05/2019 20:43

Oh my goodness you’re saying you couldn’t take in a 11 year old boy for 12 weeks who is the brother of your step daughter and your DP has a relationship with him. You would see him go into care.

I understand your concerns but there is nothing you can’t work round. So you spend 12 weeks on a camp bed, this compared to a frightened little boy going to stay with strangers is a pain you should put up with. Also your 2 year old will be fine (I presume you don’t regularly leave her alone with a 11 year old anyway). Hell my 2 year old doesn’t even get left I a room by herself

Crikey, your uncharitable nature has really upset me. The state of humanity

Contraceptionismyfriend · 17/05/2019 21:13

How many children are you currently fostering @Bringonspring

Phuquocdreams · 17/05/2019 21:30

I can’t believe the amount of people lambasting the OP for not taking in to her home a troubled child to whom she has no biological link, and who her dh (who also has no biological link) last saw 4 years ago. Jeesus, if this was a reasonable ask that everyone would do, as people have said above why doesn’t everybody foster? I know I couldn’t do it.

Bringonspring · 17/05/2019 21:33

It has hardly the same though is it. This isn’t a strangers child. It’s her DP’s daughter brother????

If it feels like I’m judging you, it’s because I am

Contraceptionismyfriend · 17/05/2019 21:36

So that's a no?
Then sit your arse down.
The OPs husbands Ex's family planning has nothing to do with the OP.

You want to play the bleeding heart liberal because of this poor defenceless boy then get off your arse and get to the council and find out how you can help children in a hell of a lot worse state then him.

I'm judging you.

Bringonspring · 17/05/2019 21:43

so I take it I’ve made you feel bad about your lack of care of others and you lash out at others (as you just did to myself) with sentences like ‘sit your arse down’ beautiful individual

Contraceptionismyfriend · 17/05/2019 21:46

Not at all. Why would I feel bad? I just find it laughable that people like you will berate OP for not doing this massive ridiculous ask. Yet you do nothing yourself.

Bringonspring · 17/05/2019 21:51

If I was in the same situation as OP I would take him in. I would therefore reach a different conclusion.

The question is ‘would you take him in?’ My answer is yes.

Your answer is no.

How would that be doing nothing. The question here isn’t ‘would you foster a child?’

Now your right, whilst we sponsor 3 children children, 1 in tower hamlets and 2 in Cambodia. But no we don’t foster currently, potentially that, alongside provide respite care for families is also something we might consider in the future.

Cottonwoolmouth · 17/05/2019 21:51

You’ve been given lots of good advice and ideas on here OP

But fundamentally you’ve already made your mind up so why canvass for opinions.

I’d be so disappointed in my husband if he didn’t offer a bed to a child that he had been a parent to and a sibling to his child.

Some of the mentally off posters on this thread is really fucking depressing.