My mother in law has been feeding my baby behind my

[Lisburnlane219]

So I’m going to keep this short. I would like your honest opinion on how you would react or cope with someone feeding your baby before you have started or wanted to start weaning your baby yourself? My babies first food was a rusk and she’s been being fed rusks for the last 5 weeks without me knowing. My baby has just turned 6 months old and I’ve been waiting until I thought she was ready or if not until she turned 6 months

Bear in mind that current 'good practice' will be regarded as a crock of shit in 20 years' time.

Not weaning till 6 months isn't new advice, it has been the advice for at least 10 years.

Yanbu who on earth gives babies rusks?

It's the lies and secrecy and going against my wishes that I would be going mad over.

You wishes aren't at all unreasonable and Waiting til 6 months has been the recommendation for nearly 20 years so your daughter is hardly a science project!

I'd make her read every single one of these before she even breathed near my baby again and make her do a written analysis of it

www.evidence.nhs.uk/search?q=baby+weaning+evidence&s=Date&Route=search&ps=250

She'll be buying a secret forward facing seat next, then putting in potty, then telling you your child should be reading, Seriously stop the childcare.

She's had her chance to parent. She's being sly and devious. It won't improve! Your partners a man child too.

I'd be furious and she wouldn't be looking after l the child again after lying.

Our child won't be given meat. MIL knows this and I'm only 20 weeks... If she, knowing this, was secretly feeding my child meat for weeks, that would be it! Is a bit of meat going to kill them? No but that's completely not the point!

I would never bad mouth someone on how they have fed their child or wanted to feed their child. Every one is different, If you have fed your son from 15 weeks well done that is what you decided to do and what you felt comfortable with. I however wanted to do things a certain way and for someone close to me to decide that’s inadequate and start to feed my baby behind my back without me knowning is awful

My baby has never been a hunger baby. She takes the full 2 hrs to finish her bottles. She drinks 5 bottles a day and never wants anything more

I would defiantly be angry! Set some boundaries with her!

She wouldn’t be alone with my child at all for a good few years as she obviously can’t be trusted.

I'd be furious. It's the fact that she has done this with secrecy. It shows she knew what she was doing was wrong. It's a betrayal of trust and I would be absolutely looking for alternative childcare.

My mum has my son two days a week. I'm relaxed about most things but I am strict with certain things. For example, car seat safety. My son is 2 and still rear-facing. She knows how strongly I feel about him remaining as such for as long as possible. If I found out she accepted a lift from someone with a FF car seat or a very old car seat (she doesn't drive) then I would be absolutely furious and would not hesitate to stop her having DS unsupervised even though she adores him.

I'm sorry OP, she's done this maliciously, it appears. I wouldn't be leaving your baby alone with her again.

I really don’t want to go to the lengths of not letting my baby’s Nan look after her I understand Nan’s spoil babies. I was spoilt by my Nan too and loved her but a baby is a baby they don’t need sugary treats or anything unhealthy as they don’t know what they are anyways. When my child is old enough I will most definitely be getting her things like happy meals because I remember the joy and excitement of having one myself as a child (not a baby). Not every day obviously but My partner and I live a healthy lifestyle so I want the same for my small baby too. I doubt stopping my mil minding my baby would be healthy for my relationship either as I’m sure she would play the victim card and my partner doesn’t want us to not get along and neither do I

I’m overall upset over the lying and her disregard to what I think is best for my baby and her doing what she thinks is best instead. There has been no apologies or “hope that’s ok” it’s just she think she hasn’t done no wrong and I’m being over the top because it’s “only half a rusk”... once a week.

From day one she has tried to manipulate everything i do. I was breast feeding at first so the teat on my mam bottles where number 1 (slow teat) and she would say “nothing comes out of this” I would say it’s a slow teat because I’m breast feeding so she doesn’t get confused they recommend number 1 so they don’t become lazy (also number 1’s are meant for babies 0-3ms old anyway regardless) and she said “I know we googled it to make sure” instead of taking my word for it.

The nappies I use have been highly recommended by other mums I know and are amazing (Aldi nappies) I don’t know if she thinks I’m being cheap but I have told her multiple times that they are the nappies I use (a big bag is £1:50 is something around that) and she would bring me bags and bags round of other brands and ring me that there’s an offer on pampers or whichever (which is fine, hasn’t took on board what nappies I use but assuming she is being helpful and nice rather than thinking I’m a cheap skate for buying Aldi nappies) but then if she minds my baby she will come home in different nappies and I asked my partner why doesn’t your mum use the nappies I put in the bag and he said “she doesn’t think they’re big enough”. My baby has never leaked nor are the nappies I used too small.

I used to use water wipes while she was fresh and extra sensitive but have switched to Aldi sensitive baby wipes as I’ve used them on my own face and found them gentle and other mums have recommended. I would never use Johnson’s wipes on my baby as my face would flare up using them and I feel they are very harsh and rough (chemically) and shocking reviews online too. Also my friend said her baby reacted bad using them so why would I risk it? I have told mil this. Even when I put a full packet of my wipes into the nappy bag a packet of Johnson’s wipes will come back in the bag where she swaps them

OP, take it from someone who has had similar in law issues and is now a year further down the track than you:

Nip. This. In. The. BUD.

Do not go along in the name of peace keeping, she will just grow bolder and find more and more ways to undermine you and walk over you as a parent. She doesn't respect you. She doesn't respect the basic boundary of you are the mother and she is not. This is not a one off- it is the one thing you happened to find out about. She will be doing other things (like the nappy stuff you described) and she will do more in the future. Most of it will be benign, nappy brands don't matter that much. But some of it will matter and it will build up over time.

Schedule a meeting with her and DH when no one is rushed. Say you are grateful for childcare but to make it sustainable you need to have a heart to heart about where grandmothering ends and where parenting begins.

Starting solids = parenting choice.

Her job is to follow your instructions especially when she disagrees. And to be completely honest with you.

This is not asking for anything other than basic trust and respect from the person caring for your most precious treasure.

Do not let this slide or you will be dealing with much worse to come.

I'd be fuming.

I've got 4 children between the ages of 13 & 1, I was the eldest of 6 and also had many many cousins a similar age. NONE of my family would ever feed my children anything without clarifying it with me first at such a young age.

For what it's worth, even with my 4th baby I would've been furious if this happened. So it's not a case of PFB at all! It still really really pisses me off that my step mother dipped her finger in a cream cake and shoved it in my 6 month old, already started weaning baby's mouth. At this point all he'd had was different veg and some porridge.

I know you don't want to rock the boat or stop her seeing her grandkid. I would never suggest that personally. But my mil will do what the hell she likes and only asks if it's ok after she has done it. Or just make out I'm being over the top. DD is 3 and I had to remind her whose kid we were talking about even recently. It will never end.

There's basically two options: Let her childmind, and suck what she does up. Or find a way to have a childminder or someone you trust. You get more money in child tax credits to help cover the cost of childcare if you both work 16 hours.

It's worth your sanity, as well as a way of keeping the peace cause she will have less opportunities to undermine you, and you will be less likely to get upset at her undermining you if it doesn't happen too often.

I understand it's a hard situation though.

If be pissed and tell her do plus rusks are full of sugar. It also could be bad if not showing all the signs of readiness and depends if you want to do traditional weaning (purees and finger foods) or baby led weaning babe has same food as you

All those bleating about how it’s not a big deal...

ITS NOT THE FACT SHE WAS FED RUSK. IT WAS THE FACT IT WAS DONE BEHIND THE OP’S BACK

And I say this as someone who weaned their daughter at 16 weeks on baby rice and rusk

I won’t use pampers nappies or Johnson’s wipes either

Pampers nappies always leaked for me

I use pampers sensitive wipes though. I swear by them and have for nearly 6 years now

Your mil is wrong and she is making it all about her. The fact she did it on the sly means she knows she did wrong and now she's playing victim.
She's not got a rerun of her son so shouldn't be making any parenting decisions.
I would seriously look to review childcare arrangements. This will be an ongoing issue with other things based on her reaction. Her answer of 'not a science project' is undermining you.

And for those saying get over it, it doesn't matter etc....its actually awful that the OP has this reaction from other mothers.

You are right OP your mil AND I must include your DP are in the wrong. If something happened to your baby you wouldn't even be able to give the correct info to the GP or hospital. They don't seem to grasp this.

You shouldn't have to sit and explain why you have different parenting to what your DP had.

My sister's nephew told her that her MIL had fed her baby before she had. My MIL took my baby into another room after we had had ice-cream and he came in the room and threw up ice-cream! My mum said she forgot something and came back to her MIL house to see her putting sugar in my bottle! I think grandparents want to be the favourite/ be around for firsts and it brings about these issues! I didn't say anything but I understand your anger.

Tell her you are introducing a few foods at a time from 6 months to avoid allergic reaction. That you will tell her what foods and she can join in the weaning process. Just say how dangerous it is if baby had a allergic reaction and you didn't know she had been sneaking her food and that that is the main issue, not that you are judging her parenting but the secrecy!

How do you know your DP isn't telling you the whole truth here OP? Your overreacting, it's sounds like a discussion was had between mil and your DP about feeding the baby, hence why he stuck up for her.

I would not be so quick to blame your Mil, and no harm clearly came to your little one, so now you know baby is ready, enjoy your time feeding her instead of making an issue over this.

I would be fuming my exes mil is like this and I wish I had cut down contact years ago especially since I've found out the reason my 10yr old needs one of his adult teeth pulling is because hes been given coke and other sugary shit behind my back. I have never let him have those things and she knew it. I let smaller things go when he was younger where she tried to hide things and how this.

Could it be a genuine misunderstanding. Our parents generation weaned us much earlier. Abs putting risks in bottles was very common from a few weeks old. Of course she shouldn't have done it without permission. But she might not be aware of current guidelines.

Completely unacceptable behaviour by mil, sly and devious, disrespectful and manipulative. Boundaries have been crossed with no acknowledgement! Find alternative childcare and ensure your mil has only supervised access. My fear is that your partner is not supporting you and as such, you may find that he secretly gives unsupervised access to mil, so I would be mindful of when he is alone with dc also.

Finally, I would share this thread with partner and his mother, they need to understand the magnitude of disrespect which has been levelled against you and look to repair your relationship pronto, comments like "criminal i know" when they have caused upset is not on!