My mother in law has been feeding my baby behind my

[Lisburnlane219]

So I’m going to keep this short. I would like your honest opinion on how you would react or cope with someone feeding your baby before you have started or wanted to start weaning your baby yourself? My babies first food was a rusk and she’s been being fed rusks for the last 5 weeks without me knowing. My baby has just turned 6 months old and I’ve been waiting until I thought she was ready or if not until she turned 6 months

I'm a nana and a mother in law to 3 little granddaughters. I would never behave like this. I look after my three exactly how my daughter and son in law want me too.
I essentially do exactly as I'm told. I love them dearly but I am not their parents. I do not know better.
Your MIL is being very disrespectful. She is undermining you. You're the mum and you call the shots. She should accept this and apologise. I'm angry on your behalf.
I do think though that if you rely on grandparents to mind your children then you have to accept things aren't always how you'd like them to be. They will probably be spoilt a bit, or given too many sweets now and then at the very least. You have to balance it against the expense of nursery. Feeding rusk behind your back does cross a line though.

It's bang out of order BUT given the complicated situation with your partner and you not talking I would put it on the back burner for now and come back to it later.

Do you have any say in whether she looks after your baby? Ie does she only see the baby when your partner has her? If there's nothing you can do about it for now, then I would perhaps let her know which foods you are happy for your baby to eat and ask her to please stick to that. You don't want to burn bridges with someone that you can't prevent being around your child - you lose all power if you do that.

Figure out what is happening with your partner first. In an otherwise happy situation I would put my foot down hard about the rusks but it sounds like you have much bigger problems to prioritise.

Good luck, it sounds stressful

I'd be fuming!

I would go mental and she wouldn't have my baby unsupervised again.

I had already bought everything ready to start weaning my baby from when I thought she was ready or atleast when she was 6 months old. I haven’t bought rusks because I knew they weren’t healthy so she bought the rusks herself (I didn’t know this).

I appreciate his mum and everything she does but this time I feel she has completely crossed boundaries. She has disregarded me as a mother and my wants and wishes for my baby and is completely ignorant to the fact there are new improved ways on feeding babies and bypasses anything I say because she knows best. She is playing the “victim” card at the moment when at the end of the day I haven’t shunned her as a mother, she has went and done what she thinks is best because she doesn’t have trust in my ways

She’s broken your trust. I’d feel quite sad about it actually. It’s disrespectful and devious.

It’s actually irrelevant what research you’ve read - you don’t have to defend or explain yourself. She’s your baby and you make the decisions.

I would be annoyed, but I would have got over it easier if MIL had been offering vegetables, rather than f*ing rusk.

She wouldn’t have unsupervised access to my child again.

Yes when she said she isn’t a science project I said I’m not trying these random experiments on her, I’m doing what’s proven to be a better way for my baby

Yes i also wouldn’t be allowing access alone if I could help it

But I don’t think you will get away with that with your dp

Rusks? Is she sticking them in a bottle of tea as well?

Ah I'm sorry OP, I don't have nothing against rusks. They're quite nice as a sweet treat but sweet isn't really what you want to start them off on solids wise is it?!

For me it would be less about the food and the timing of the weaning but more about the undermining of your parenting decisions.

I wouldn't leave my kids with my MIL because she has form for this sort of shit.

Yes I’d be fuming whether it be a carrot or a rusk but would of been less angry if it was something healthy. She is being patronising saying “I’ve only fed her half a rusk” like it’s nothing, as if she hasn’t just fed my baby without checking it’s okay first

I Would be absolutely incandescent. She would not be having my child again unsupervised. Complete breech of trust and belittlement of you.

This is a huge breach of trust. She clearly doesn’t respect your authority over your child. As a parent you need to know whether or not your child is eating solids!!

I wouldn’t be concerned what else she would lie about - it could be dangerous. My daughter has a medical issue and I would be giving my doctor false information if someone was lying to me about what she was eating.

This would be a red line for me and I would not leave my child alone with her.

My sister took her EBF grandchild from her son's care because her son was tired of looking after him - said he had a cold. The baby's mother worked close by and was returning home every 2 hours to BF. (We're in the U.S. so she only had 3 weeks maternity leave). My nephew was unemployed. Probably still is.

My sister lived 30 miles away and on the way home with the baby she bought a can of formula and a bottle. She was yelling excitedly into her phone at me, "I have the baby. I have the baby"! I was appalled. Speechless.

I don't know what the mother did when she came home to breastfeed her baby and discovered her baby was 30 miles away - being forced a bottle. The couple spilt up shortly after and I haven't spoken to my sister for 12 years.

It still upsets me what she did/is. I had to get that all out.

I haven't spoken to my MIL in years lol and DH hasn't spoken to her since a few days after DD's birth, DD is 9 months and MIL has never met her (never expressed any interest in meeting her), sooo a very different situation. I dunno how I'd react in your situation really but I would be devestated and very very angry. I don't think I would want her to have sole care of the baby but I appreciate it may not seem like you have other options if you rely on her for childcare. I also agree with what PP said about your DP being complicit, I think this appears to be the case tbh .

Yes I read the sign of an allergic reaction toward food and one of the being wheezy. My partner would say my mum keeps saying the baby sounds wheezy.... so what if I took her the doctor and they asked if she’s had a change in diet and I never knew? It’s wrong in every way

OP, I am not unsympathetic.

But...

Bear in mind that current 'good practice' will be regarded as a crock of shit in 20 years' time.

Rusks will probably by then be regarded as the Holy Grail of Baby Weaning.

Personally, I would say that small babies with working parents are at risk of far more damage than babies weaned on rusks. If I had needed someone to look after my babies, I'd far rather have had a member of the family to do it, even if she fed them on rusks. They're hardly crack cocaine. But each to their own.

What's more, this whole 'precious first moments' stuff is just silly. If you have further children, you won't even think about their first precious mouthfuls. I would take a deep breath and think about whether it's more important for you to be precious about weaning, or whether it's more important to worry about who is looking after your baby. FWIW, I think your DP is right that you are over-reacting.

MIL wouldn't be seeing me or my child until I stopped having the urge to punch her in the face.

my mil gave my son a bit of a twix to suck on at 7 months when she was babysitting him.. last time she ever babysat him or was left alone with him agan. he is 8 now.

I don't understand the problem, but there's obviously a lot of backstory to this.

I would be furious