My mother in law has been feeding my baby behind my

[Lisburnlane219]

So I’m going to keep this short. I would like your honest opinion on how you would react or cope with someone feeding your baby before you have started or wanted to start weaning your baby yourself? My babies first food was a rusk and she’s been being fed rusks for the last 5 weeks without me knowing. My baby has just turned 6 months old and I’ve been waiting until I thought she was ready or if not until she turned 6 months

Wise Yoda 😂😂😂

Yes, that's me.

If not, I just think it's not that big a deal. And several children and years down the line, lots of people would agree with me.

OP, if you don't want your MIL to be your CM while you're at work, that's fine. Find someone else, and give them precise instructions about feeding etc. If that's what suits you, do it. A CM will probably be more responsive to your exacting requirements, though s/he won't love your baby in the way that blood relative will (even if the latter insists on poisoning her with rusks).

Regardless of anything else, I think the comments about 'lost trust', 'fuming', 'incandescent', 'fuming' etc are just ridiculous. Your baby is absolutely fine. I'd agree with @mumofblueeyes

I'm sorry but ignoring your wishes on something so fundamental would be a massive problem for me. There's actually no way I would be allowing her to look after the baby again until and unless she accepts responsibility, apologises and I was confident she would never ever do anything like that again.

@hillaria/yoda
I'm more gobsmacked at the comment that a DC is not allowed to be alone with granny after she let him suck a twin 8 yrs ago!!
The stuff you read on MN astounds me; especially the scoffing at 'who cares how you done it 20 yrs ago'
The minutiae that is gone into over every single thing with babies is insane.
P.S my now 6ft4 18 yr old son was on solids at 14weeks!! The horror!!

**TWIX not twin 😂

I too would be incensed by this and, while I appreciate its not possible for everyone, I’d organise alternative childcare as soon as possible. It’s the lying and I know better than you that would drive me crazy, and I also don’t feed my dc sugar under 1. I totally understand they may be mainlining haribos at 8 (although would definitely not be often in our house) but a tiny baby is a different story.

Seems the the shit parent brigade have invaded the thread.

Most normal, intelligent parents would be as furious as you op.

Apart from these race to the bottom, dragged up their kids in a cardboard box parents.

Mine were too, @Bookworm4 (though my DC are only 6 foot apiece and ridiculously healthy, so I definitely defer to you).

This is all crazy. Babies need love, cuddles, care, responsiveness, attention. A bit of rusk/Twix/whatever is completely irrelevant, so long as they grow up knowing that someone loves them regardless of anything at all. Obviously love isn't the only thing that matters, and they need to be looked after, housed, clothed, read to, educated, etc. But if they have parents or carers who are themselves reasonably well educated, interested, caring and loving, and who put their DC first, this is most of the battle won. If all of this is in place, why get hung up on a flipping rusk?

@pinkgloves What a ridiculous statement. I can't believe you actually mention 'intelligence' in the same sentence as this pile of tripe. Do by all means feel free to disagree with the 'older generation' of parents about weaning and who should do it. But don't write us all off as thick and abnormal people who 'dragged their children up in a cardboard box'. This just makes you look very silly and quite childish.

Bookworm4
You weaned your child in the way you wanted, based on advice given at the time and your personal opinion.

The OP simply wanted to do exactly the same as you.

@Hillaria I work in a community that has lots of love and attention and massive rates of childhood obesity, diabetes, heart disease and early death. All food related. One woman told me, laughing, that she'd never shopped around the outside of the supermarket.

You might think rusks aren't an issue but the only solids OPs baby has had are sugary crap.

Oh and my DD doesn't like Haribo. She's 8.

Thank you @hillaria
I fear we are being targeted as the shit parent brigade 😂😂
@pinkgloves
Just because people can be parents without being hysterically obsessive doesn't make them shit, it makes them reasonable sensible adults. There's no need for the huge fusses you see on MN, is it worth destroying family relationships over what in the grand scheme is fairly trivial.

I started solids closer to 4 months than 6 but that is not the point--she should not have gone behind your back.

@Raffertyfair
We all do what is best but to start a potential family feud over a rusk is ridiculous. The baby is well, she hasn't had a reaction, she hasn't choked or suffered anything. Sometimes you just need to let things go and move on, ranting and falling out isn't going to change things.

Bookworm4

Thank you@hillaria
I fear we are being targeted as the shit parent brigade

No. I'd say you seem intolerant of the idea that other parents may choose to do things differently from you and are judging them.

You seem to support the mil undermining OP purely on the basis that her view tallies with yours.

I'm biased my ex mil could have killed mine by giving him wrong foods he had issues with holding his sugar levels so we were told no refined sugar (sweets and crap) which was fine he was about ten months old didn't really eat it anyway she babysat made him a milkshake which consisted of Mars bars and mslteasers blended up in cows milk he passed out we could hardly rouse him then he screamed for five hours we called the out of hours service his sugar levels were through the roof and his stomach was killing him fortunately the crying brought his levels down the dr told us we were irresponsible for leaving him with her

Bookworm is a voice of reason here. Not that I want to denigrate the posters who currently have small children, and who are just acting on the current advice about weaning. I didn't think too much about it, as I had enormous and hungry babies, who finally calmed down a bit once I started giving them rusk (I tasted baby rice myself, and could understand why it wasn't that appealing). Obviously, rusk wasn't their only foodstuff, as I then started giving them bits of whatever we were eating (BLW before it had a name).

I suppose the difference is that I was choosing to do it, whereas the OP's MIL is the one who has gone down this route.

If, however, I had needed someone else to look after my babies, I would have had to suck up whatever they wanted to do. You can't have it all ways. The only way to make sure your DC are brought up in exactly the way that suits you is for you to do it yourself. If you can't do that - and loads of people can't, for all sorts of reasons - you have to steel yourself and accept that other people will do it their way. Your MIL might have transgressed in this way, but a CM or nursery would transgress in their own, different. ways.

@rafferty
I haven't said I agree with the Mil, I've said it's not worth the drama and fallout. Yes tell her you're unhappy but ppl here banning gp from contact over really trivial stuff IS nuts.

I suppose the difference is that I was choosing to do it, whereas the OP's MIL is the one who has gone down this route.

Exactly!

I personally wouldn't be bothered about a rusk. I drunk that much hot chocolate in pregnancy, I'm surprised she didn't come out with a tub of whipped cream in her hands but I would be bothered if someone I'd left my child with gave my baby her first solids without discussing it with me. Op had already expressed she didn't want baby on solids yet as she didn't think she was ready. That is where the issue lies. We all have different opinions. It's like a thread I was on and op was upset that she didn't know nurrsery were giving her baby tea at break time. I didn't see an issue with it as we were given tea in a bottle from under a year by my mother and grandmother. I didnt see the tea as an issue but i did say better communication was needed. There is a distinct difference being told not to do something as opposed to being aware something is being done.

You're right...the stuff I read on Mumsnet astounds me sometimes. I've never seen so much bile lately.

If parents want to wean their kids before 6 months on a diet of rusks and tea, it has f* all to do with anyone (even if they are absolutely fine now...lucky you) but this is her child. Making condescending comments directly to other parents who don't agree with it is just not cool. 'Oh you'll understand one day'. 'There are starving kids in Africa', 'No one died'. While it's your opinion, how do those comments help?

I'm FAR from a young parent.

I've been raising babies for over 20 years. Back when rusks were all the rage. I'm just un-arrogant enough to keep up with new developments and crazy science based info/common sense.

Bookworm4 Yes tell her you're unhappy

The OP told her mil in advance what the plan was regarding weaning and mil did not just disregard her request, she did so with deception.

The OP told her mil that she was unhappy after the event but wasn't listened to and it is the mil's action and reaction that has escalated the situation.

Mil has made it clear that she does not respect OP. I would find that very hard to deal with. Sod the rusks.

I'd be furious OP.

She has broken your trust. She does not respect you. She is trying to manipulate you and DP with this victimised behaviour 'oh it was only a little rusk, you're taking GC from me 😭' don't fall for it.

Don't leave the baby with her again. At least until the baby can speak and tell you what went on.

I'd be crying with rage and frustration honestly. I doubt I could leave my baby with her again.

"Shit parent brigade" love it