My mother in law has been feeding my baby behind my

[Lisburnlane219]

So I’m going to keep this short. I would like your honest opinion on how you would react or cope with someone feeding your baby before you have started or wanted to start weaning your baby yourself? My babies first food was a rusk and she’s been being fed rusks for the last 5 weeks without me knowing. My baby has just turned 6 months old and I’ve been waiting until I thought she was ready or if not until she turned 6 months

Personally, I would say that small babies with working parents are at risk of far more damage than babies weaned on rusks.

What a fucking ridiculous statement.

@BloggersNet agree that there must be backstory. In itself, it's meh personified.

I really think the problem is the lying and feeding the baby in secret.

Amazed some people don’t see it as a breach of trust?? It’s not about an ideological debat about when to feed solids, it’s about whose choice that should be.

I relied on my MIL for childcare when I first went back to work but she constantly ignored my wishes and because she was doing it for free, I had to suck it up.

Stuff she suggested: leave newborn in a pram outside, put her dummy in ice cream/tea at 2 months, wean her at 3 months - it didn't harm me(!?), I had a dummy til I was 5 and it didn't harm me, not giving her chocolate cake at 8 months is just cruel.....

Things came to a head and although I was really stressed we wouldn't have any money after childcare-I worked it out.

She barely looks after her now but the last time she did, she gave my DD a bottle of juice to bed, even though I had asked her never to do this. When I pulled her up on it, she said 'Its only an inch'.

I would look at other childcare options because it's imperative to trust the person who is looking after your kid.

Completely understand you being upset though!!!

Im sure MIL loves her grandchild to bits and also the childs parents.

Tough shit. She has taken away a 'first' from the child's parents. There's no way I would trust her again.

She has gone against your wishes, she had no right to do that.
It would probably be best to find other childcare arrangement as she does not have any respect for your role as mother.

@Hillaria..you're speaking a crock of shit right now! Of course there's more to it than half a risk once a week. It's all about the fact the MIL lied and broke her trust.

Also, how helpful is it to say working parents are more damaging?! Jeez!

I would be furious and trust would be lost

Today I was dressing my baby and grabbed a babygrow from what got bought back from his mums and it had orange dot stains all over the neck, hands and down the sides. So I asked her if she’s fed her anything else other day rusks (because what else would explain orange dots)
and she said no and I said it looks like she’s had her hands on spaghetti and she said “I’ve only gave her a rusk once a week, criminal I know” then rang my partner crying saying I’ve said she’s been feeding the baby spagbol and that I’m not letting her see the baby. My partner told me she feels to awkward to minding the baby Friday and to find someone else to mind her which I have?

It's the secrecy that's dangerous. If she had a conversation, said baby seems hungry can I give her something, you may have said yes to a bit of carrot. Instead she lied. What if your child has an allergy or special need will she think that's all nonsense too? Arrogant and potentially risky. Ger a minder who will work with you, and tell your oh he is an idiot.

I do think that anyone who's thinking this is a 'breach of trust' and all this other sanctimonious bollocks needs to grow up a bit. It's a rusk, FFS. Nobody died. I was possibly a bit silly about PFB (can't remember now, but I do know rusk was his first food), but I have no idea what the subsequent DC ate, or when. I'd not give it a second's thought, OP, unless you have other issues with your MIL, in which case it's part of a bigger picture.

Sorry, does your previous post say you left your baby for 2 weeks? Why? In these circumstances, if you left her as primary carer, she made her own decisions.

I may have interpreted this wrong so feel free to ignore me if I have.

If someone took your child to have their ears peirced without your blessing would you still think this is “a crock a shit”. It’s completely a breach of trust

I left my partner... I took my child with me

Having a baby's ears pierced (a permanent and unforgivable scar) is hardly on a par with giving a baby a rusk. Please get real.

If you left your partner when you have a small baby, I think there are probably other things going on, and rusks and spaghetti bolognese are a drop in the proverbial ocean.

So how did she use the opportunity to feed him if he was with you?

Feeding a baby and not telling the parents completely dangerous. If she choked or had an allergic reaction it’s something you ask permission before taking something into your own hands. Whether it be my mum or my partner who was feeding my baby behind my back I’d still be the same

I don’t understand your question

If anyone did anything with my child and purposefully omitted that information regardless of it being my PFB or not, I'd hit the roof. My kid is my responsibility.

If MIL is willing to lie about a rusk... imagine what other things she will lie about. That.is.the.breach.of.trust.

Nah...YANBU. Don't listen to the condescending bull some are posting.

I wouldn't be bothered, as long as the baby was o,k and Mil provided good care, then I'd just let it go. Theres worse things than feeding a baby a rusk.

@Newmum201888888 I assume you are the same person as @Lisburnlane219 ?

Assuming you are, I recognise the fact that you didn't post in AIBU, so the responses will be a bit more measured.

Have you Googled 'babies choking on rusk'? I haven't, not least as Google didn't exist when mine were babies. But if you have, and rusk is a proven risk factor, you might have good reason to ask your MIL not to feed your baby on rusk. I still cut up grapes for my DC (who are all 15 plus), so am not averse to risk factors. I have one who is severely nut allergic, too, so also know about avoiding allergens.

FWIW (which is not much, I'll grant you), DC1's nut allergy became evident on my own scrupulous maternal watch. I gave him a piece of nutty bread, because I love the stuff. I had absolutely no idea that it would produce a reaction in him, as we had no family history of nut allergy. Not quite sure what this shows, other than that you can never rule anything out, however careful you are, and that there is more to making a child feel loved and safe than whether or not they are fed rusks at 5 months.

If it's just about you thinking you wanted to be the first to do X, Y or Z, then you either need to get over yourself, or you need to look after your own baby, all the time. The latter would mean that you could make sure your baby is only ever fed the way you want it to happen.

If she genuinely thought it was OK to feed rusks, she would have told you the first time she did it. Something like 'oh she loved a rusk I gave her, it was everywhere, I had to wash her hair!'

She knew she shouldn't do it, she did it anyway and hid it, that makes it not OK at all imo

Being a parent is hard enough, without twats who think they know better ignoring your parenting rules.

I’m sorry when I’m my posts have i suggested that I’m upset because I haven’t been the first person to feed my child?

Im upset over the fact I’ve been lied to and that my baby has been fed whether it be a carrot or a rusk she has been fed before I thought she was ready because someone else thought they knew best. It’s a total disregard to me as a parent. A mum knows best.

I want to monitor my baby in case she does have any allergies hence needing to know what she is eating

Bear in mind that current 'good practice' will be regarded as a crock of shit in 20 years' time.

That's irrelevant Hillaria even if it turned out to be the case. OP is following current guidance and her MIL was fully aware of the fact. It's an issue about trust not simply a difference of opinion on weaning.