My mother in law has been feeding my baby behind my

[Lisburnlane219]

So I’m going to keep this short. I would like your honest opinion on how you would react or cope with someone feeding your baby before you have started or wanted to start weaning your baby yourself? My babies first food was a rusk and she’s been being fed rusks for the last 5 weeks without me knowing. My baby has just turned 6 months old and I’ve been waiting until I thought she was ready or if not until she turned 6 months

That’s exactly what I said to her... if you didn’t think it was wrong then you would of told me the day you fed her a rusk like “I fed the baby a rusk today she loved it.

My partner has rang me while I’ve been in work the last 3 Saturdays complaining that the baby won’t go down for a nap and that she’s being hard work (his mum has her in the morning) and no wonder if she’s being fed sugar for breakfast. I just thought it was him being impatient because she goes down so easy for me

I'd be raging!!

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. As long as they came back healthy and happy.

That's the way MIL was taught when dp was a baby. 4 months was the time to start weaning and you started with little tastes of rusk mashed up in milk or baby rice. Did dp suffer any digestive problems? Does he now?

Having said that, it's a bit disrespectful just to go ahead without clearing it with you first.

I wouldn't let her see the baby again for a considerable amount of time!!!!

My mum was very like this. She's competitive and interfering and everything has to be her way only. She did it with my sister's DC too. Sneakily stuffing the childrens' faces with food we wouldn't have chosen, completely over-invested our choices as 'she knows best'.

Our DCs get on with her and that's fine, but I am very low contact with my M and I'm glad.

Good luck OP, you'll need it with your silly MIL ringing her son crying etc. Those apron strings must be really tight.

I'd be absolutely livid.

@Newmum201888888 Has your baby gone into aphalaxis? Has she vomited after having a rusk? If so, she must not have one again. If not, she's not allergic.

Babies are a communal matter. Of course your little one is special to you, but she needs other people too. So long as they're not poisoning her or abusing her, she's fine. She needs you most of all, but she needs other people too. Nobody will match up to you, because nobody will love her as you do. But she still needs other people in her life who love her (even if a bit less than you do). If they feed her a bit of crap, that's fine. It isn't an existential issue. Honestly.

That's the way MIL was taught when dp was a baby. Did dp suffer any digestive problems? Does he now?

FFS guidance isnt developed on the basis of individual experience. By your logic Singlenotsingle I should have been happy if my mil had put my dd in a laundry basket on the back seat of the car because that's what she did with DP when he was a baby and no harm was done ...

My partner actually struggles with digesting food

your baby gone into aphalaxis? Has she vomited after having a rusk? If so, she must not have one again. If not, she's not allergic.

But had the baby had a reaction, OP would have gone to the doctor and said, "no foods at all, only milk" and been given bad advice as a result. It's not OK.

Slightly different, Rafferty! The baby used to travel in a carrycot on the back seat, and I'm sure OP's MIL wouldn't dream of doing that now! She'd get arrested, for one thing!

I think the poster is annoyed about the lying and possible upset to her child. You wouldn't dream of it doing it to a random child so why is it ok because it's family? OP I'd be furious too. There is a lack of respect for you as baby's mother. The MIL was aware baby was not on solids yet so took it upon herself to do so and never informed mother at the time. She clearly knew what she was doing was wrong and that baby's mother wouldn't be happy. Next thing shell be sticking her on a potty to train her next. You've every right to be mad and not youre definitely not being unreasonable.

I had eczema was I was a child really bad which can be prevent by not feeding a baby before they are ready, my partner struggle with his stomach and so does his sister, his nephew doesn’t eat 1 vegetable and has really bad teeth. I wouldn’t eat my tea unless I had dessert when I was a child.

All the reasons above I’d rather not start my child on sugar so she doesn’t develop a sweet tooth, I’d like her to not be a fussy eater which can be prevented by not being introduced to shite the first thing she eats before a vegetable. I’m sorry if other people don’t agree but that’s how I’d like to raise my baby while she’s a baby and I don’t feel like those closest to me should disregard that and do what they feel is best

I used an extreme example to illustrate the flaw in your logic Singlenotsingle

I had eczema when I was a child really bad which can be prevented by not feeding a baby before they are ready, my partner struggled with his stomach and so does his sister, his nephew doesn’t eat 1 vegetable and has really bad teeth. I wouldn’t eat my tea unless I had dessert when I was a child.

All the reasons above I’d rather not start my child on sugar so she doesn’t develop a sweet tooth, I’d like her to not be a fussy eater which can be prevented by not being introduced to shite the first thing she eats before a vegetable. I’m sorry if other people don’t agree but that’s how I’d like to raise my baby while she’s a baby and I don’t feel like those closest to me should disregard that and do what they feel is best

I am wondering a bit about how you are all going to cope when your precious babies are older. Once they're mainlining Haribos, a bit of rusk will be a distant memory. And once they are teenagers, mainlined Haribos will seem like a fond aberration.

OP, the main thing is for your baby to be loved. If she has a solid foundation of love, rusks/Haribo/smoking/vaping will be horrible but just about tolerable things for you. But they are not at the foundation of who she is, and why she matters. I promise you this. When your DD is a teenager, you might 'get' this a bit more.

@hillaria. I'd fully trust my parents to look after mine. That is not the issue. They would not do something behind my back and not tell me about it. The OP has every right to be annoyed. It's not your thread to project about women and their "pfb".

Hillaria it's not about a rusk.

Why was it so important for the mil to do something she knew full well was against her dil's wishes. That's not being communal - that's making a deliberate point and choosing to undermine her dil.

Why would anyone do that?

That's outrageous op, she obviously knew it was wrong because she tried to hide it. And now she's trying to bully you and minimise it!

I would be so angry. And she wouldn't be childcare anymore.

It's a rusk. Maybe I have spent too long with starving children in Africa but please keep it in perspective.

I was very careful with what I gave DD when she was weaning because I wanted to give the best start in life, just as OP said. What's actually wrong with that? Ok-she might want to eat my weight in cake when she's older, but at least I can say I tried!

@Hillaria you may think you are some wise yoda passing on your knowledge as your children are now older, but I think it's more cause you've completely forgotten what it's like to deal with small babies. Every stage is a struggle/pleasure in it's own right. No parent was born perfect. And every parent has the right to learn their own way without condescending comments!

I have mentioned on here before the time my (now ex) MIL took two of her GC to get their hair cut without permission. OMG, it rocked the family, literally for years.

mumofblueeyes I'd have thought that with your experience of starving children in Africa you'd have been more disturbed by the mil's insistence on feeding a baby a totally unnecessary food item .

Stop and think before your react. As wrong as I think your mum in law is, I do not think her actions are malicious. I am sure back in the past the advice was VERY different regarding weaning. I have no reason to believe that she wants to harm your baby.
Talk calmly with her. If you need her for child care, find a solution.

I say this from the position of a mum of an 11 and 13 year old, who has had many family differences, and wish I had stopped to think first.

Best of luck x