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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

5 year old is still in nappies, Am I failing as a dad?

193 replies

Downhillrider · 05/03/2019 20:35

I'm still trying to get my head round this form so I apologise if this is the wrong place.

I am a single dad to 3 children ages 5, 8 and 12. (2 girls and 1 boy) I lost my wife 2 years ago.

I really don't know how to start this I feel embarrassed and that I'm failing my son! He's 5 years old and is in mainstream school, the school have been great with him and we are under assessment for EBD? and Autism. Ok so lets get onto the whole "why the hell is he still wearing nappies at 5 years old"

We tried potty training at the age of 3 not long before my wife became ill, but things didn't work so I went back to nappies, I tried again in a few months again he just wasn't getting it this went on for just over a year as I wanted to get him in underwear before starting school. I ended up taking him to the doctors to see if there was maybe a medical reason but nothing. I thought ok once he sees all the other kids using the toilet at school he might understand but I'm not having much luck!

I have tried not buying anymore nappies this just lead to many accidents, reward stickers he wasn't interested. Sitting him on the toilet but he will scream and get himself in such a state and ends up making himself sick.

So where do I go from here? He's in the last size nappies that I can buy so I really need to get him into underwear ASAP.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Downhillrider · 14/03/2019 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Downhillrider · 15/03/2019 17:58

I've done a week and things are a hit a miss still! We've only had 1 poo in the toilet. He's moved from the potty to now sitting on the toilet but I'm having to remind him to go to the toilet still.

I'm getting frustrated a little with the poo's he knows when he needs/going and gone for a poo! We had 2 poo in school but I think that was because he couldn't hold it. He pretty much poo as soon as he's out off school so today we sat him on the toilet at pick up time but nothing. I said to him that he if poo his pants he can't go swimming tonight the second we get into the van he tells me he's doing a poo!! Do I stick with the no swimming? Is he doing this for attention? I really thought after the first poo on the toilet we had cracked it. I've tried bribing which doesn't work

OP posts:

nespressowoo · 15/03/2019 19:13

I don't think punishing him will help. Have you a potty in the car?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds Families General parenting Potty training

Original poster

Downhillrider · 15/03/2019 19:46

Hi yes I've got a potty in the van but it's to late to use as he tells me he's pooing

OP posts:

Original poster

Downhillrider · 15/03/2019 21:58

I did stick with him not being allowed to go swimming and me and him watched while the girls went swimming with friends and he didn't seem to care! He had a little paddy to start with. I'm just at a real loss with this! Just fed up with having to chuck away new underwear and sometimes trousers and T-shirt's.

I've tried sitting him on the toilet when I know he needs a poo but not long after getting off he's gone in his pants. It just doesn't bother him. The school are using pecs cards with him and have sent a copy home to explain where poo goes so he know where to go.

OP posts:

Spiderbanana · 15/03/2019 22:13

There is some great advice here and you seem to be doing amazingly in a really tough situation.

I just wanted to throw in that with our DS we found that preparing for the accidents really helped. Having everything to hand to change him, getting a nappy bucket to throw wet and dirty clothes into, layering sheets on the bed for easy changing when you get to that stage. Anything you can do to make it less stressful for you. We were advised that it is important not to tell our DS off when he had accidents or make him feel like a failure. By being really prepared, we were less stressed and he was made anxious.

You are clearly a great parent x

Spiderbanana · 15/03/2019 22:14

less anxious of course!

Original poster

Downhillrider · 15/03/2019 22:22

Thank you at home It's not as hard to deal with it's the in the van, out in public. I've got spare clothes, wipes, potty, bags ect ect in the van. Then it's the struggle with having to take the car set out wash it and try and dry it then reinstall it.

OP posts:

danni0509 · 16/03/2019 08:46

Haven't read the full thread, I will go back & read now.

But just wanted to say, my ds was 5 in January, he is still in nappies in a mainstream school, he has autism. he wears them day and night.

The incontinence nurse said this isn't uncommon in children with autism / development delays etc & my ds' paediatrician said if we cracked it before he was 6 then that's a good job!

Will agree with the ERIC website it has lots of useful information.

You can also buy special needs vests from m&s online, the type with poppers underneath they go up to age 16, so it 'hides' the nappy, none of the children know ds wears one, only his 1-1 and the other teachers.

Does your son have an EHCP or any additional support at school? Do you have any additional support?

Bless you & your family

danni0509 · 16/03/2019 09:06

@Downhillrider do you receive DLA for your son?

If not something to look at ASAP, sounds like he is definitely eligible.

Original poster

Downhillrider · 16/03/2019 09:55

We are just going through with a EHCP and the school are using pecs card with him he's got his own TA but she's off sick and he's got a new one which he doesn't like! He will be moving to a SEN school soon so I'm hoping to get more help

OP posts:

Cherylshaw · 16/03/2019 10:04

My son has ASD and it was a bit of a struggle as he was non verbal at the time, he hates sitting on the toilet so when he was used to the potty we moved to him seeing standing up at the toiled and he was fine with this, it did take a bit longer for poos as he panicked when he needed a poo and we had to leave him with out a nappy untill he really needed to poo then pop him on the potty he did scream the first two times but then was fine. The thing I have learned about having a child with ASD is not to compare with other children things might be delayed but he might also be advanced with some things too.

Original poster

Downhillrider · 16/03/2019 15:44

Thank you I have tried with standing to wee but he freaks out! I think that is kinda my problem most children after a week would off got it and that he know where poo should go but chooses is underwear. I've tried different underwear types and also without underwear but he still poo hisself

OP posts:

toddle · 16/03/2019 22:13

It's not unusual for children to struggle with poos for a long time after they are confidently dry.

Apple23 · 16/03/2019 22:56

Children often don't like the splash when they poo on the toilet. Try putting some scrunched up toilet paper in the pan first.

Original poster

Downhillrider · 16/03/2019 23:08

While I've been children free I've been looking into ASD and toilet training the same thing keeps coming up and that is children asking for a nappy to poo in and then encouraging them to poo in a nappy but in the bathroom and finally removing the nappy.

However my son is happy to poo in what ever he is wearing, he poo around the same time each day which I've been sitting him on the toilet or potty. He's at nanny's house today and has done fantastic with weeing but again he's poo hisself!. So at least I know it's not just me causing the problem.

OP posts:

danni0509 · 05/04/2019 16:02

@Downhillrider how's it going now?

Attempting to Toilet train my 5yr old ds again....

Youngmumoftwoboys · 29/01/2022 16:08

My son is 5 and still in nappies but he has mild autism. He goes to a special needs school and most of the kids in his class still wear nappies. Maybe your son is on the spectrum.

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