5 year old is still in nappies, Am I failing as a dad?

[Downhillrider]

I'm still trying to get my head round this form so I apologise if this is the wrong place.

I am a single dad to 3 children ages 5, 8 and 12. (2 girls and 1 boy) I lost my wife 2 years ago.

I really don't know how to start this I feel embarrassed and that I'm failing my son! He's 5 years old and is in mainstream school, the school have been great with him and we are under assessment for EBD? and Autism. Ok so lets get onto the whole "why the hell is he still wearing nappies at 5 years old"

We tried potty training at the age of 3 not long before my wife became ill, but things didn't work so I went back to nappies, I tried again in a few months again he just wasn't getting it this went on for just over a year as I wanted to get him in underwear before starting school. I ended up taking him to the doctors to see if there was maybe a medical reason but nothing. I thought ok once he sees all the other kids using the toilet at school he might understand but I'm not having much luck!

I have tried not buying anymore nappies this just lead to many accidents, reward stickers he wasn't interested. Sitting him on the toilet but he will scream and get himself in such a state and ends up making himself sick.

So where do I go from here? He's in the last size nappies that I can buy so I really need to get him into underwear ASAP.

What have you done when out? I can't really take the potty as it's pretty big I have been offered this potty but it looks tiny for a 5 year old.

We are going to the woods and there is toilets there but they are right at the beginning off the woods

Tbh for a wee I'd just let him go in the bushes/by a tree when he needs it.

The potty is in the downstairs bathroom so he's got privacy. We don't stand to wee! Someone recommended the frog urinal which arrived yesterday but he doesn't relax when he's stood up and I've shown him how I go

My ds had a few goes at 'watering the plants' when he was unable to hold it for long. Much easier for boys than girls. You get portable potties with disposable liners but think they're quite small

Chuck a few bits of cereal in the toilet and see if he can hit them with his pee? Think you can even buy ping pong balls for this type of target practice

We've have a really good morning! He seams to do better fully clothes but does struggle with pulling his trousers up and down. I'm going to brave it out in underwear. I've got nappies incase things go bad again. Hopefully I've packed everything I need

I really won’t worry about pushing him to stand and wee. It took my DD nearly a year to progress to from potty to big girl toliet. She was fine with nursery/school size toilets.

He has come so far in just a few days. You’re both doing brilliantly.

No advice other than I think you need professional help here.

But in no way are you failing as a dad, sounds like you're doing great.

So sorry for your loss

A really positive day out! Only two accident second one was my fault as I didn't put a nappy on the way home and he fell asleep and he even did his first poo on the toilet after telling me he needed a poo. A few tears but after some talking and a cuddle he went. Well actually that was the first time he sat on a toilet as well.

What do I do about school tomorrow? Do I send him in underwear or a pull up? I will phone the school all the morning

DON'T PUT A NAPPY ON!!!
he's just sat on the toilet, and done a poo!!!! That's amazing progress and to put a pull up on would be a massive step backwards.

Send him with LOTS of spare clothes though. Toilet training children almost always have more accidents at school at first - facilities may be further away, too distracted by playing with their friends, staff even with the best will in the world may not remember to remind them as much as a parent at home who doesn't have 29 other children to keep an eye on.

I'm so happy for you and him to read how well today went

Aw op you're doing fantastic.
I'd send him to school in underwear tomorrow if they will change him if he has an accident, and could you ask the teacher to remind him to go to the toilet at break and lunch time?
Good luck, you're doing fab x

Great news, well done to both your son & you

Thank you! Ah I'm so happy/proud off him. I won't get my hopes up just yet incase it doesn't last!

What a brilliant thread! All sounds super positive :) Well done OP, potty training is so hard and U definitely think there are always some set backs. My son took a while to get there and in the end it took bribery! I printed a photo of a toy he wanted and made a reward chart with it at the bottom and after 10 days he got the toy, he never looked back thereafter but before that were months of accidents, he just needed something to concentrate the mind!

I've been lucky at the moment with needing to bribe him he seams to be doing well with lots off praise.

Definitely stick with underwear now. He’s come so far in just a couple of days, you need to keep up the momentum

Just spoken to the school and they are happy to following on with potty training but I'm no nervous about sending him in underwear now! Would you say 6 change off clothes would be enough?

If they need more then school will have a spares box.

I’m in a real shitty situation! After school on Mondays the girls have ballet. Finn had a wee in school before we left so I thought he’d be fine. Half way to ballet in the car he says he needs a poo but he couldn’t make it poor kid he did try! I’ve checked his school bag and I’ve got no spare clothes the school must off taking them out. Let’s just say it’s a bad poo! So I don’t have a option off just taking his underpants off and put his trousers back on. Ballet start in 10 minutes for my 8 year old and she crying as she doesn’t want to miss out.

How long to get back home and grab some clothes?

Half a hour but by that time she's out off class then the oldest goes in at 5 she isn't to bothered about going. He's fine but I'm just feeling terrible for him

Any parents you can talk to so they watch for a bit while you run home and when club ends? Maybe ask the venue if they have wipes/tissue and try to sort it out in the toilet.

Keep a change of clothes or two in the car from now on,so there's always something just in case.

Thank you a friend took the girls and is bringing them home I have out spare clothes in the car as I definitely can't deal with that again 🤮

School update
Actually he did really good at school with one accident and that was on the way to the toilet from playing outside. Sadly they had a incident when he was told off for hitting another child and that after he stood and wet hisself telling the TA he's weeing I'm not happy about that

Definitely specialist support. Does he understand language? Can he control his bladder? Can he follow instructions? Behavioural issues?

My DS is 6 and I’ve been training him for months and he’s nearly there.

Aside from that, are you getting one to one help for him? The sooner the better.