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Missing Children

285 replies

Scared · 07/08/2002 19:38

I don't know about anyone else, but the latest story of the two missing girls just terrifies me. I don't want to turn into one of these mothers who won't let their child out of their sight, but think that it is a distinct possibility.

I tend to look at the parents of children who go missing and wonder how they let it happen, but I know that it wasn't their fault really. It's just the unfairness of life that allows a child to wander off when the parent looks away for a second.

I watched a programme on James Bulger, and it broke my heart. I still cry when I see news articles about the killers being released. It scares me for my ds. I know I would never get over it if anything ever happened to him. I don't think that I would want to carry on living if it did.

As a child I went through a stage where I was really obsessed with strangers, because we had a 'funny' man (weird euphamism) outside our school gates offering money to girls. I wouldn't go anywhere on my own, and it reached a stage where my mum despaired about me. I still worry about being out on my own in certain situations.

Anyway, I guess that I am asking how people on this site have ensured the safety of their children, without making them scared of everyone in the town!

OP posts:
MABS · 07/08/2002 20:31

Very well written - I wholeheartedly agree with you. I can't give any advice I'm afraid as I'm in the same boat. As a matter of fact I just had major row with dh as he wants our dd to go out for the day with his parents. Hiss mother is as batty as hell and his father falls asleep every 5 minutes so I said no - I don't trust them. This, as you can imagine, went down like a lead balloon but I'm sticking to my guns. Mabs

WideWebWitch · 07/08/2002 21:12

I asked about this too here . I know how you feel!

scared2 · 07/08/2002 21:31

I've been having the chat about "nasty people" etc... with ds (4.5) today. This topic is foremost in my mind as the two girls only live a few miles away from where I do.

At the moment he doesn't really go anywhere without me, except to friends and family who I know I can trust. It worries me when the age comes when he wants to exert his independence and go out with friends, etc.... I just hope that the little chats that I have with him sink in.

jenny2998 · 07/08/2002 22:47

This is worrying me a lot too. I still have a newspaper cut-out from when Sarah Payne went missing which tells you how many paedophiles there are in various towns. Mine has around 200. I walk round looking at people and thinking "is it you" when people talk to my children I question their motives.

I don't mind when they're with me but I am yet to leave them with anyone other than my parents, and even that happens rarely. My sister offers, but I would just not trust her with them. Her boyfriend (who I know and like) is keen as he very much enjoys playing with the kids (who also adore him) but theres always that lingering, nagging doubt. I have evn for split seconds questioned whether i can entirely trust my dad. How awful is that? I feel ashamed to admit it.

And yet this is what society has come to. ANYONE could be a suspect. How do you let go of the fear?

I love my kids desperately, and couldn't bear if anything happened to them, but like you Scared, I feel as if I might be in danger of smothering them.

jenny2998 · 07/08/2002 22:48

This is worrying me a lot too. I still have a newspaper cut-out from when Sarah Payne went missing which tells you how many paedophiles there are in various towns. Mine has around 200. I walk round looking at people and thinking "is it you" when people talk to my children I question their motives.

I don't mind when they're with me but I am yet to leave them with anyone other than my parents, and even that happens rarely. My sister offers, but I would just not trust her with them. Her boyfriend (who I know and like) is keen as he very much enjoys playing with the kids (who also adore him) but theres always that lingering, nagging doubt. I have evn for split seconds questioned whether i can entirely trust my dad. How awful is that? I feel ashamed to admit it.

And yet this is what society has come to. ANYONE could be a suspect. How do you let go of the fear?

I love my kids desperately, and couldn't bear if anything happened to them, but like you Scared, I feel as if I might be in danger of smothering them.

threeangels · 07/08/2002 22:58

I dont let my kids out of my sight much (in stores, at home in the neighborhood, etc )unless I take them to a close family friends house. I have to know them quite well. As long as my kids are young and not at a reasonably mature age this is how I feel. I dont want to be one of these careless moms who let them do whatever they want and go wherever they want thinking theyll be fine or not even thinking at all. The world is corrupt and anything that you would not even imagine could happen, happens. These last few kidnappings and murders of the little girls makes you weary even more. I really hope they find that Elizabeth Smart girl taken in Utah. Dont know if you all know of this but I feel sad when I think of this.

Rhiannon · 07/08/2002 23:02

Sadly the story on the girls only made about 4th billing on the News at Ten tonight. Apparently a paper (prob. The Sun) has put up a £1m reward for information. My Mum thinks they've fallen in the local river, who knows. R

Rhubarb · 08/08/2002 00:03

Very very distressed to hear that they have arrested a local man with a van.

Tortington · 08/08/2002 13:41

my kids were watching the news and when they said " abducted" my nine year old said in all seriousness "by aliens?" then i had to explain that those girls were about her age, they were biggger than her probably stronger than her, so when i dont know where she is ....this is the reason i worry
also i came home yesterday to find a houseful of kids, my son brought them in to watch a video, and my mum who is minding them didnt object to the extra 8 children in the house

it was after that i had to explain to my mum that i dont like kids in the house, not because i dont like kids ( although i dont ) but because of any accussations that could be levelled at us, and as dh and i are both community workers, even a sniff of a lie could put both our careers at risk
our society is sick
and im sick of being paranoid about it!

ionesmum · 08/08/2002 14:56

When I was little the Yorkshire Ripper was big news. I was convinced that he was going to come and kill me and my mum, and so in consequence I can remember spending a lot of time really scared out of my wits, having nightmares etc. It's difficult to know how to protect your children from the realities of life but still make them aware of danger, and TBH I don't know how I will do it.

pupuce · 08/08/2002 15:42

I sometimes wonder why the UK doesn't ever talk about the fact that VERY similar events happened 7 years ago in Belgium (there was actually a BBC2 documentary on that a few months ago). I am talking about the Dutroux affair where young girls were kidnapped and twice they were kidnapped in pairs.. all by Daniel Dutroux who was using them/selling them to pedophiles !

Warning this part of my text is upsetting :

Most of them died, 2 (Julie and Melissa - 10 yo I think) were found to have starved to death as he had been arrested for car theft while he was hiding them in his basement... BTW the police came to search, heard children voices but didn't find them!!!! He had also burried 2 others. He was finally caught and 1 girl was found alive...
After that they started talking about a major conspiracy involving high ranking people (the King ?) being involved in pedophile circles and protecting Dutroux... it was and still is a big scandal - far from resolved !

Why could this NOT happen in the UK... there are still children missing, Daniele ??? from Essex, Milly Dawler, and these 2....

What a sad sad sad world we live in !

Bozza · 08/08/2002 15:49

Thats really awful Pupuce. Maybe the police are following on leads like this but don't publicize it.

Croppy · 08/08/2002 16:07

Marc Dutroux got a lot of coverage at the time as did the street protests by Belgiums at the police handling of it. Radio 4 also did a programme on it around 6 months ago.

pupuce · 08/08/2002 16:10

It is Marc and not Daniel... when I was typing it I had doubts... thanks !
The bad news is Belgian police was and is in shambles.

I was at the protest - called Marche Blanche... I have never been to a protest but DH and I felt it was important (and we had no kids then)... it was a very moving day.

SueDonim · 08/08/2002 17:01

I think the Belgian story was very well covered in the UK, I was certainly aware of it a long time ago and there have been plenty of follow-ups. It's an ugly, disgusting tale.

pupuce · 08/08/2002 22:16

But could it be happening in the UK ? There are similarities !

Tinker · 08/08/2002 22:27

I suppose it could be pupuce. Pretty frightening thought because 10 is a very reasonable age to allow your kids to be out alone, especially with a friend.

I've read a lot about the Belgian case and the fact that it still has not come to trial. Hopefully, the total apparent corruption involved in that case a high level is a very, very unusual set of circumstances.

aloha · 08/08/2002 22:40

Me too. How dreadful it is that it is still nowhere near resolved. I cried about it. Still feel haunted by it, though of course, that's pathetic compared to the suffering of the children.

Scuba · 08/08/2002 22:53

I know it's selfish but I really can't bear to watch the news on reports about children suffering at the moment. I had my baby during the period when the news centred around the twins who were sold several times and ended up with the couple in wales then the parents who originally sold them wanted them back. I know they weren't missing children but I was stuck in hospital for couple of weeks after the birth of my ds and just cried my eyes out every time it came on.

Rhubarb · 09/08/2002 15:13

I still get haunted by the Jamie Bulger case, especially as my dd is now the same age as he was. Having children just seems to sensitise you to all of this doesn't it?

Tillysmummy · 09/08/2002 16:07

When I was a child I used to play up and down in my street. My mum was always cautios, erring on neurotic and would only let me go up and down a few houses on my bike and alsways knew where I was etc, etc. I was allowed this limited freedom and never to go any further and was very aware of not talking to strangers.

I remember being followed once and running straight to the nearest house with a light on (this was when I was much older, 16 and walking home from the station) as i'd been told to do.

I would never let Tilly out of my sight. It's a sad, sad place we live in today. And it's a shame she'll never have the freedom I did but I just couldn't risk it. I feel so sad about all those children and their families.

Re setting Jamie Bulger's killers free I don't think they'll survive long in the outside world when people discover them.
On this topic I think that child abusers, murderers, rapists etc should be put into the communal area of the local prison and Im sure they'd be aptly dealt with there. Instead we spend more money and protect them. What a load of rubbish.

Loobie · 10/08/2002 11:56

on a lighter note here's a laugh,i woke at 6 am this morning to go to the loo and the boys bedroom door was open(its always closed when they are in bed), after the loo i went to investigate and found J not in his bed,i checked that he wasn'tin the top bed with his bro or under the beds on the floor,he was neither,i went downstairs and searched even in the cupboards and everything,nothing, i went back upstairs rechecked the rooms even checking to see if he had climbed into the cot in the nursery,checked under all the beds etc and could not find him,by this time i was becoming a bit frantic and going to phone ex dp to come round,all the doors were still locked as i thought he may have even gone sleepwalking outside. My bed sits almost in a corner in my room with only a foot wide gap from the side to the wall under the window,underneath the bed is the extra pillows and winter duvet,as i reached over the small gap to get the phone i spied a very small foot sticking out from under the bed,there he was my little cherub wrapped up in the exrta bedding fast asleep,he is quite a big 4 1/2 so i have no idea how he fitted in there or what he was doing as he cant remember going in.Imagine trying to explain to the police how your 4 1/2 year old just disappeared at 6 in the morning or even worse trying to explain to his dad.LOL

Tortington · 11/08/2002 02:07

that actually did happen to me my youngest son was about 4 not started school but obviously wanted to imitate his older brother, so he got up at 3am went downstairs made himself cornflakes and strawberry syrup( which we found later onthe living room floor) climbed up on the gas box opened the front door and went to my sons school two men found him crossing the road took him to the police station, i was woken up with a torch in my face whilst i was in bed, the police had come with my son, front door still open and brought him back, i made sure the others were still in the house and was so relieved nothing serious had happened!!
its so easy i was very very lucky

sobernow · 13/08/2002 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucy123 · 13/08/2002 13:17

I read recently that the stats for children being abducted and killed by strangers (and I hope that this will not be the case with these girls) is avearge 6 per year and has been the same since Victorian times.

I feel really really sad that due to media coverage of these awful crimes, many children now grow up without knowing anything like the freedom I had - and it doesn't appear to have made a difference to the statistics anyway. It's the same with accidents in the UK. Every time a kid has an accident, they ban whatever caused it (remember Witches hats? they were great) and apparently now even tag and handstands have been banned in some schools.

In fact this is one of the things that makes me glad I'm bringing up dd in Spain - the paranoia here seems much lower, but of course children occasionally still go missing.

I really feel for the parents of those girls, but in many ways I hope their abductor turns out to be someone they knew or something as if not even groups of sensible girls won't be allowed out in small towns anymore.