To choose not to work after DC? Why?

[Marghe87]

I totally get it. Childcare costs are ridiculous, better to spend time with the family than with colleagues as those years will never come back etc... But, in the long run, aren't the risks too high?
I mean, being a SAHP means:

• giving up one extra income that can make a big difference in a family life (ie: being able to afford a better house, family activities, travels, pay for the children's education etc... obv it is different for those with a partner that earns a big enough salary to cover all the above)
• giving up a job/career that was build with efforts and dedication and no longer being financially independent
• putting the future of the family at risk in case the working partner either: decides to leave you, dies, gets ill, loses his/her job etc
• stop paying into your pension which means a very low income later in life
• what happens when the kids are older and no longer need you at home all the time?

I don't mean to be harsh will all of the above but I am really keen to understand why a person (90% of the times a woman) feels like giving up their job is the best option for themselves and their families in the long run.

I'd like to hear from women that made different choices.

As a teacher you weren't earning more than minimum wage? How did that work?

Because my PGCE is in Further Education (16+). Salaries and budgets aren’t protected like they are for the under-16 sector. There have been massive cuts and moves towards employing teachers on term time only zero hour contracts instead of permanent salaried posts.

So again, it's happened that a woman took a qualification that would only lead to poverty if living alone, but men don't? Why?

There are plenty of men who work in minimum wage jobs inc FE.

And how many live with women who fund a mc lifestyle?

Exactly what @athrobbingpairooftrousers says.

Because it was our choice and we don't need to justify or explain it.

I'm sick of people judging stay at home parents for being inferior, less valued members or society or financially vulnerable. Absolute bollocks. Keep your nose out of other people's business.

And how many live with women who fund a mc lifestyle?

Sadly for them probably not too many, although probably more of the ones working in FE than the ones working in warehouses (for prejudiced classist reasons).

Teaching in FE you are better off on tax credit.
Paid by hour only for student contact. No pension, no overtime, no pay for marking, planning, producing resources, admin etc.
Take childcare and travel out of that and it can cost you to work. Fuck that!

Thing is Gin, it's not a personal go at you (although I appreciate it must feel shit and I'm sorry, but it is an important discussion.)

I genuinely want to understand why work is optional for mothers but compulsory for fathers.

I genuinely want to understand why work is optional for mothers but compulsory for fathers.

Well I guess because more fathers are willing to pay for a SAHM than mothers are willing to pay for a SAHD. What that says about their individual priorities and the social factors behind those is arguable over till the cows come home, unless you want to draw up a research proposal to look into it?

I have retyped and delted many replies to this post.
Fraid i cant seem to say what i want to without dropping all to many expletives.

Ignorant bitch

There was an article about this the other day, FairPlay to them I say. Why does it concern you what other people do? If it works it works ?

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-6620593/amp/Mum-one-revealed-financially-dependent-partners-income-age-24.html

I genuinely want to understand why work is optional for mothers but compulsory for fathers.

Because that's an individual decision that couples make, usually the best for their family, and career/ work

It isn't though, otherwise we'd see far more fathers staying home. There's a societal expectation in there about what women do and about what men do and if so many women are going to university yet despite this are unable to earn more than minimum wage, something is really badly wrong.

I left a year after returning from maternity leave because they wanted me to work full time and I didn't want to.
That was 4 years ago now. I've now got another child due to start school in 2020. No plans to go back to work but I'm going to give writing a good go, plus have a really tidy house and time to get my nails done. My dh works away every week so all household stuff falls to me, I think I'll keep busy. And if I don't well I bored my tits off at work so I'd rather be at home. If I'd loved my job and/Or they'd been flexible and given 2 shots about me things might be different. Dh is doing well in his career so we're comfortable and all happy with the arrangement.

Because fuck off :)

Question I am asked often: are you planning on going back to work?
My reply: why do you need/want to know? Are you planning on giving up work?

There then ensues an expression of bewilderment as they process this information before realising that it’s none of their fucking business and that when the question is turned back at them, they also realise how nosey and rude such questions are.

Artfully is making some excellent points, I wish people would read her posts on a societal level instead of taking it personally.

With divorce rates so high I’d caution anyone not to become financially dependent on someone else. You never think it will happen to you, until it does. More and more the courts are favouring a clean split over spousal maintenance, and once the DC have grown up there will be no child maintenance.

I was a SAHM until my youngest started primary school & had 8 years at home altogether.

I never had a career, I’m an administrator & my wages wouldn’t have covered child care costs. I’m lucky my DH has a good job.

I now work 3 days a week (school hours) in admin. I’m not ambitious & my job is just that a job. I might have made different choices if I had a career I loved & if taking a break would have impacted that,

There’s no right or wrong answer. Even if I hadn’t had children I doubt I would be earning a great wage or doing a job I loved so it was easy to give up.

My youngest DC is now in the last year of primary school so may look for a job with more hours.

For me I wanted the time with them rather than the financial benefits of working & due to my DH we were lucky enough for me to do that.

It’s just a personal choice but my job is and always was just a means to an end, nothing more.

With divorce rates so high I’d caution anyone not to become financially dependent on someone else.

Divorce rates aren't particularly high for university educated couples who's first marriage occurred after the age of 25.

I'm hoping to return to work 2.5 days to get the best of both worlds until our baby starts school. My career progression will have to go on hold but I should be able to pick it up where I left it should I choose to at some point in the future.

Thanks Kitten, I will reiterate there is no personal go at anybody here. But I am concerned that there is still a tendency for women to either stay at home or reduce their hours at work while this just doesn't exist for men.

Artfully

I can only speak for my own family and situation, and after dc there was no question of me going to work.
I couldn't give a stuff about societal expectations, I did what was right for me, and my family. My dh enjoys what he does and wouldn't have it any other way as we are both happy, and have raised a happy family.
You do what works for you, with free choice, and really shouldn't be bothered about anything else.

But that doesn't tally, does it? I mean, we should be bothered about other things because they impact on us all, albeit in a roundabout way.

Of course you can only speak for yourself but that's the same as everybody and a pattern emerges, which is, roughly speaking "although DH and I have degrees (often meeting at university on the same course) his career flew while mine went nowhere. I had children, and there was no reason to go back."

Individually, OK, fine.

Taken together, that's pretty bad. I'm wondering what the fuck is going on with our female graduates.

Stop injecting your gender ideology into a legitimate career choice.

You don’t give a shit about female graduates otherwise you wouldn’t be making them feel guilty for choosing to spend time with their children at no cost to you.