To choose not to work after DC? Why?

[Marghe87]

I totally get it. Childcare costs are ridiculous, better to spend time with the family than with colleagues as those years will never come back etc... But, in the long run, aren't the risks too high?
I mean, being a SAHP means:

• giving up one extra income that can make a big difference in a family life (ie: being able to afford a better house, family activities, travels, pay for the children's education etc... obv it is different for those with a partner that earns a big enough salary to cover all the above)
• giving up a job/career that was build with efforts and dedication and no longer being financially independent
• putting the future of the family at risk in case the working partner either: decides to leave you, dies, gets ill, loses his/her job etc
• stop paying into your pension which means a very low income later in life
• what happens when the kids are older and no longer need you at home all the time?

I don't mean to be harsh will all of the above but I am really keen to understand why a person (90% of the times a woman) feels like giving up their job is the best option for themselves and their families in the long run.

I'd like to hear from women that made different choices.

Looking after their own children should not be restricted to women. It benefits both children and adults if both parents are spending time with their children (and good quality childcare does no harm at all). It’s a feminist perspective to ask why so many women are not earning what they should and why their careers are over because they give up work to look after their children.

We need a different approach to childcare and work in my view which means that both parents can be involved and women don’t get pushed out of the workplace. These traditional gender roles lead to serious poverty and inequality for women- how many threads have you seen on here where women either can’t leave unhappy relationships for financial reasons or are fecked financially after divorce because their partner was the earner.

It’s a great thing to raise your children and ideally both parents should be involved (I’m a single parent - ex is involved but I’m the main carer)

@zsazsajuju I totally agree with this. For me it wasn't a matter of not understanding why one would want to be with their family as much as possible (who wouldn't) but not understanding why many people (mostly women, like it or not) don't seem to worry about long term consequences of giving everything up for their children.
You can still be a good, present mother and maintain a satisfying career outside of the domestic walls. It shouldn't be a matter of choosing one thing or the other, not in 2019.

It’s a feminist perspective to ask why so many women are not earning what they should and why their careers are over because they give up work to look after their children.

Why? Understanding why I decided to become a sahm won't affect those who decide to work. You need to ask why some people don't have free choice, that's the Feminist question.

I made the decision not to return to my previous job / career after the birth of my DD so that I could be at home with her during the week. I have never been overly ambitious or career driven and it’s always been the people in my life that have been the most important but I had been in my job 10 years, really enjoyed it, had worked up and it was a good job. It was a hard decision to give it up, but I surprised even myself with how much I wanted to be the one to be with DD all week in these early days and when DH and I worked out everything out and saw that it would be a viable option for me to do that we went for it. I have no regrets, I enjoy so much playing and learning and growing within DD all week long. It’s probably the most fulfilled I’ve ever felt, and our weeks are changing all the time as she reaches new stages, getting into new activities and exploring the world in new ways. I’ve stopped short of being a “proper” SAHM as I’ve started another job flexible and part time at weekends so that we have an extra little income coming in, the option of increasing hours if necessary which gives a little safety net and I have something outside of the home I’m doing even a small number of hours a week. DD gets quality time with DH when I work, we don’t pay any childcare and we still get some family time. It seems to be working for us at the moment and I’m really pleased with our decision as a family but it did feel such a huge leap to give up my career and I do think there’s a lot of stigma around it now. My plan is to be at home / working just the few shifts while DC are below school age and increase work from then on, and although it’ll be a few years without higher income / pension etc it won’t be forever.

I would be suicidally depressed within weeks if becoming a sahm (just as a was on maternity leave). I'm a teacher and even the the 6 week's holiday are pretty perilous for my mental health. So for me it's not something I would ever consider. But it works brilliantly for others. People are different. The only thing that scares me is when women become sahm without being married leaving themselves totally unprotected in the case of a break up.

Because it’s my life to live and enjoy, I’ll risk my place on the treadmill for happiness. I could be hit my a car or die by 40 for all I know, I want to know I’ve been the happiest I can be in every bit of my life- not just waiting and accumulating.

Also, I had a good career, I may be able to salvage some, if not at least it helped get a deposit. Money isn’t the be all and end all, I have a happy life.

Re letting the man drive- I sometimes do that for a rest of I can wing it! Why not, if I’ve driven to pick dh up I’m rewarded with a nap home. I don’t love driving for the hell of it. He’s also nice in letting me drink and him not, though obviously if he is ill/ tired whatever or I m is the route better I’ll drive. I do the motorways often as I know them better

Bit different for me as DD was born with a disability as well as other health problems. It was a massive shock and I had planned to go back to work but decided (until she's older) to be a SAHM.

She has regular hospital appointments (and other appointments) so me being at home makes all our lives easier. She thrives on our one to one time.

I don't regret my choice for a second.

You can still be a good, present mother and maintain a satisfying career outside of the domestic walls.

Yes, but it's not the same as being a SAHM, and for many women being with their children is more important. And before you jump on that, no it's not as important for (many) men. You can be absolutely completely sure that if men wanted to stay at home with the kids, they'd have figured out a way of doing it by now.