' Chronic overparenting'......is it something MNers recognize ?

[mozhe]

...and by that I mean the persistent/long term/almost obsessive preoccupation with providing ' perfection' for their DCs....

Do you think this is something you are prone to ?

Is it more likely to occur in parents of first/only children ?

More likely in previously high achieving SAHMS ?

And what do you understand by the term ' benign neglect ' ?

my post is to mozhe... aloha overtook me with speedy typing....

oh was the term chronic overparenting used before this thread? Hmmm seems a bit nasty......

TBH I struggle too understand why people who appear to feel contempt for so many users of this site (not thinking of Xenia btw; I think she's quite fond of a number of us!) post on here. Baffling. Surely they have something better to do.

That's tortuous....and wasn't my intention..I don't ' diagnose ' on mn btw...I am a parent like everyone else

I post because I find a lot of posters views interesting...in fact ALL interesting...though some difficult to understand.

if it wasnt a diagnosis it was a label.... and an emotive, critical and offensive one at that.

It was not meant as such but I did apologize to HER if that was how it was interpreted...I am interested in the way people think and that is my principal reaso for coming on mn....and I shall continue in that vein.
I have lots more thread ideas....and am looking forward to discussing with others...

But Mozhe the problem is that most of your threads appear to be about your incredulity that some women choose not to work full time outside the home for a percentage of their children's childhood.

I appreciate that you may be bewildered by that choice and that it isn't one you would take, but you don't appear to me to approach the issue in the spirit of enquiry, but in the spirit of incredulity and disbelief at the very best, and contempt at the worst.

Hence the boredom, eye-rolling and scepticism when a question appears from you - because it is so predictably going to turn into a WOHM/ SAHM bunfight. The first one you see on mumsnet may be exhilerating and eye-opening, but the tenth is tiresome and the hundredth is just sad.

Overparenting has been in the news a lot in the UK recently with concerns children are taken to too many clubs and not given the chance to be bored and relaxed. It's a perfectly good topic to talk about. One solution is have a lot of children and then you don't succumb to it.

There was an offensive post but it has been deleted now.

I don't fight.

I am interested.

ah, dino.... the voice of reason.....

am struggling to see how "chronic overparenting" can be as bad as neglect

hmm

no regular food, no bed, very little adult interaction, no regular school attendance (or homeschooling in its place)-which, btw is what social services classes as neglect

vs going to ballet, football and scouts a bit too often

Mozhe - I'm still waiting for your responses/insights on the debate you launched.

There is something really quite ironic about a massive debate about what's the best use of one's time on an internet chat forum, I have to say.
Just to add my pointless comment - I have a PhD, used to be an academic, and frankly find my 8 month old daughter better company and often more stimulating conversation than many of the mind-numbing high achieving ex-colleagues I had. At least she's not constantly whining about how busy she is, and bitching about toddler group politics (yet). A couple of years out of my career will do me no harm (maybe a tiny bit financially but luckily I'm in a position not to have to worry about this). It's also giving me time to think about what I might want to do in the future, and to maybe plan studying/training in something else. Right, running for cover, and then off to breastfeeding group.

LOL at fillyjonk

Ballet is very abusive you know. Look at those tutus!

... and over enthusiastic participation in football can cause physical injury....... and toddler french can mess with your mind.....ssd up and down the country reaslly should be doing more about this sort of parenting.... it clearly isnt "good enough".

Please can anyone summarise for me. I keep thinking - ah, must read that epic between anna and mozhe. But it is too long and I am too fainthearted. Please, salient points.

There are various ways we can damage our children psychologically. One will be never giving them any attention at all. Another would be constant criticism of them and shouting at them. Another way has always been with us and it's the obssessed mother whichis probably what over parenting is. I remember mothers like that from the 1960s when I was growing up. I doubt it's really new - someone whose life is the child as it were (and I don't mean with a small baby when it woudln't be an issue) but never letting a 5 - 8 year old say have a minute's peace, not allowing them any privacy or life apart from the parent, wanting to know everything they do at school, total involvement and control over their life. probably also doing the things I wrote about below - living out your life and hopes through the child.

well.......
mozhe started thread using term "chronic overparenting" she had previously described anna as exhibiting...... likening same to neglect....... anna and others tried to engage in reasoned debate...... mozhe's posts provoked anna.......(particularly that sahm's are "less cerebral")..... things got rather personal ...... mozhe denies any bad intent...... anna (and i) don't believe her....... oh, and the usual prescription from mozhe and xenia that all women should be wohm in full time or more jobs otherwise their children / dp's / other women / themselves / the world will despise them and they will die penniless and alone after surviving on a diet of cat food and discarded pizza crusts.......

(mozhe may have a different summary to put forward.....)

hth.

No that's pretty much it....I DID apologize to Anna if I had hurt her feelings but she etold me to feck off.....or words to that effect.
I love Anna

LOL at living off catfood

Have searched the cupboard and none there.

Will put it on my home delivery list.

i genuinely find your post puzzling mozhe.... to (a) start this thread in the first place as a follow on from your personal criticism of anna..... (b) to post on this thread as you did and then (c) to say "i love anna ". i genuinely don't get it.....

Can I add my boring opinion a week too late.

I think I am prone to an almost obsessive preoccupation with the DD's mental health. Whenever I can I err on the side of Doing The Right Thing i.e. I have not slept for 5 years due to refusing to hear them scream at night because I can't bear the idea of them Not Having Mummy when required.

On the other hand I have pretty much given up things like music groups and toddler groups and when I do attend, I am always the only mum there reading a novel/newspaper (occasionally dads do this, I have noticed). And my children are also mainly naked and pissing on the floor / eating woodlice etc.

I guess most of us aim to be perfect in some ways - whether providing an obsessive diet / no TV / organic lifestyle etc. But in the main, I think that the descriptions in the OP are a few stereotypes/cliches, and nothing very helpful in understanding how we parent.