Don't want to breastfeed.....

[Zaplolly]

Hi everyone!
I'm 25 weeks and have made the decision not to breastfeed when I have my baby. It's my decision but I feel like I'm being to made guilty by not even trying.... did anyone else just go straight to FF? Did you try in the beginning? Is it wrong to not want to?
It's not that I don't want the connection with my baby, just the following reasons-
-they need feeding much more frequently, which can be exhausting through the night
-it is very draining both mentally and physically for Mum
-it hurts
-I don't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public
-can be trying to do it for potentially hours at a time
-no involvement for Dad/freedom for Mum
-can't measure how much baby is drinking on each feed
Would love to hear everyone's thoughts
Thanks x

If you're happy with your decision, then that's fine. I think you could consider doing a few feeds on the first day as it won't be much bother and could really benefit the baby, then just start formula. Google colostrum benefits if you're interested.

Who is making you feel guilty?

Tell them to fuck off. I never wanted to. Because I didn't want to. I don't need to justify it, and I've a happy healthy 21 year old.

Feed your baby as you please and ignore anyone that tries to guilt trip you or anything else.

Don't stress it's all good.

So don't then. Your body, your choice.
Lots of people will have an opinion, but the vast vast majority really won't care.

I tried for a day with my first and hated it, so stopped, my next two I went straight to formula, it’s your decision if that’s what you want don’t worry about what anyone else says

I loved breast feeding.
NO bottles to make.
Food always ready for baby.
Never running out of formula.
But friends loved bottles..
Your baby, your way.

I breastfed both of mine for 18 months, so obviously I didn’t decide to ff. But the decision was entirely mine and I do agree it was quite draining and overwhelmingly responsible.

The decision that you make is entirely up to you. You have no reason whatsoever to justify that to anyone, once you are happy with it, go ahead.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and your baby once born.

Have you fed a baby before?
I'm pro-'do whatever you need to', but a lot of those reasons you posted are just untrue.
*It shouldn't hurt! It does sometimes but the convenience outweighs a lot of the drawbacks tbh!

*Plenty involvement for dad burping & changing.
*Bottle or breast, baby will need to be fed during the night!
*No reason you need to measure what they're drinking, unless baby is not thriving. A baby will feed when it needs to, you just provide a boob :)

As I said, it's your decision but make sure you're making an informed one. You could also give it a go and stop it it's not working for you or baby. Congrats anyway!

No one's gonna force you to breastfeed ird your decision but there are a lot of misconceptions in your reasons not to so it doesn't seem like an informed choice

There is a thread going on this at the moment...
I'll try and find the link

It's obviously your choice, but most of your reasons seem a bit doom and gloom - it doesn't always hurt, BF babies aren't feeding loads more than FF babies (and if they are, think why... tiny babies are designed to have little meals), and you don't need to measure how much they eat
You can combi feed if you want someone else to help with feeds or avoid feeding in public

I didn't find bfing dc2 exhausting or draining, it didn't hurt, I had plenty of "freedom" and took v little time during each feed. I measured how much he was taking by his happiness, nappies and weight gain.

BUT

If you don't want to breastfeed, don't. It's not obligatory.

Totally reasonable. Didn't manage more than two weeks with either of mine despite loads of preparation and good intentions. We are all way happier and the children are doing brilliantly. Please don't feel guilty. Do what's right for your family. All your reasons are exactly the same as mine.

I didn’t breastfeed DD1 and I won’t DD2. Never considered it. I am well aware of the benefits and did feel guilty, but also aware of all the drawbacks and I thought that a happy mum = happy baby. Resentful tired mum = unhappy baby and unhappy rest of family.
I don’t regret my decision. If breastfeeding came without cluster feeding and mastitis and my DH and parents etc could all do it too, then yep I would have gone ahead. But I see that I have given up 9 months to be miserably pregnant missing out on so much, and I want to enjoy my baby and time with her and not feel chained and restricted for another 6 months. Combination feeding seems a great ideas, but you need to establish supply first which can take weeks and the baby can refuse bottles. Plus you can pump, but then still stuck to baby or pump so no let up. I think breast feeding is absolutely best and I salute everyone who does it, and appreciate for some it’s easy peasy. But it wasn’t for me.

Your baby, your body, your choice. I never breastfed, had absolutely no desire to whatsoever so I didn’t. FF worked wonderfully for us, the best bit was that Dad could share feeds and we all got more sleep. Anyone trying to tell you what you should do with your body should be told to fuck off.

I breastfed for 7 long, horrible weeks. It's not everyone's cup of tea. Stop giving yourself a hard time. Having a newborn is difficult enough without throwing a shed load of self-imposed guilt into the mix. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Also, received exhausting through the night...
BF means pulling the baby into bed with you, as giving a quick feed and then putting them back after a quick burp. It was 15 mins max for mine

Bottles meant getting out of bed, turning lights on, making a bottle, desperately trying to cool it down quickly while the baby howls, feeding, burping, and then trying to get back to sleep. Now that is exhausting...

It’s your choice. I bf for 6 weeks and then ff and comparing to my friends who did breast feed

• my child woke up for frequently for feeds and to an older age than my breast feeding friend’s babies.
• when I moved to ff I became obsessed with knowing how much milk DD was taking. Being aware of out put, wee, poo and weight gain is more important then how much goes in.
• many of my friends never bf in public. They either have formula or expressed milk.

It is your choice but make sure you are non based on myths.

To address your points with my personal opinion/experience. I breastfed three babies exclusively until 6 months ish, had them all pretty close together.
they need feeding much more frequently, which can be exhausting through the night I found breastfeeding much simpler at night than getting up to heat bottles. Simply rolled over, grabbed baby from basket, attached to boob, went back to sleep.
it is very draining both mentally and physically for Mum I didn't find it draining, but I was fortunate not to have any issues with attaching or sore nipples. Mentally it didn't cross my mind to find it hard.
it hurts I never had any pain, apart from when I got too full!
I don't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public I didn't think I would, but at 21 I managed it fine. However you don't have to do it in public if you want privacy.
can be trying to do it for potentially hours at a time we're built for it. Well, I am! Excellent excuse to avoid housework!
no involvement for Dad/freedom for Mum I expressed for the few occasions I had a night away from baby. My mum never had an hour away from any of us! I liked that it was something only I could do so not having DH feed wasn't an issue. He doesn't have boobs, that's my job.
can't measure how much baby is drinking on each feed why would you need to? If they're growing and having dirty nappies, all is good.

I massively admire anyone who is able to successfully breastfeed, but unfortunately I haven't personal experience as everyone I know had an absolute nightmare and gave up for different reasons. I know there's millions of positive stories out there but I could only go with the (15 or so) people that I know closely. For that reason I decided to go straight to formula myself after a huge amount of consideration. However I was going to do a few days in hospital to give the colostrum first but then ended up sick and on antibiotics so couldn't anyway.
I think guilt is something internal that we put on ourselves. I'm constantly being asked if I breastfeed my new baby and when I say no I always feel the need to give a list of all the reasons (including some of yours above) plus being sick etc.. but inevitably at the end of my waffling the other person will say "Oh yeah my friend/mum/sister did the same".

I have a singleton and twins. I attempted to BF my first but gave up after 2 days. I had a difficult birth (emergency section) and to be honest I was grateful that hubbie could help. It was not happening and I was getting very stressed. Then with the twins I also had a 17 month year old and so decided from day one she needed me too so bottle fed from day one. Making bottles is a pain but it was right for us.

I found night feeds a doddle. Especially when my husband did it. At least every other night 🤣

Roll over plonk bottle in warmer, pull baby into bed with you, feed, quick burp, put baby back to bed. Ten mins max.

Once a night for eleven weeks, then she went straight through thr night.

No sore leaky boobs, I could enjoy some wine, oh and I wasn't tied to her and could go back to work. Hubby did half the feeds. Joy.

Totally your choice.

But for what it’s worth, my experience with DC1 was

they need feeding much more frequently, which can be exhausting through the night
My DC did 6 hour stretches from 6 weeks old. Before that we co-slept and feeding at night was minimal fuss.

-it is very draining both mentally and physically for Mum
First 2 weeks were hard, after that it was fine. Easier than making up bottles in the middle of the night and it was extremely reassuring to have a ready source of comfort at all times for my baby. I had FF friends who had different experiences.

-it hurts
Not after the first 2 weeks for me.

-I don't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public
FWIW, I never had any comments whatsoever and I fed everywhere. You really can see nothing.

-can be trying to do it for potentially hours at a time
Or, you could see it as beneficial for a mother to sit down and rest as her baby feeds, helping with recovery from childbirth. I enjoyed a lot of Netflix during early evening cluster feeding.

-no involvement for Dad/freedom for Mum
There’s plenty of other ways for dads to be involved. My DH did every nappy change at night, every bath, settled and walked with baby in the sling.

-can't measure how much baby is drinking on each feed
There’s no need to do this, so long as baby is having plenty of wet and dirty nappies and gaining weight well.

-they need feeding much more frequently, which can be exhausting through the night
Not true, you'll be up feeding either way and BF means it'll be much quicker than prep of a bottle.

-it is very draining both mentally and physically for Mum
Not true at all in most cases

-it hurts
Not true at all in most cases

-I don't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public
Have you ever tried it?

-can be trying to do it for potentially hours at a time
It can be but it could be easy and a really lovely time to catch up on TV. And the key work in your statement is potentially.

-no involvement for Dad/freedom for Mum
Rubbish, my DH is very involved with our children

-can't measure how much baby is drinking on each feed
*Why would you need to do this?
*
OP I'm presuming this is your first baby? Please do some proper research on this subject. Please do not just believe what you read on Internet forums about how hard it is. Look at Kellymom, LLL, The breastfeeding companion etc. If you don't want to even try breastfeeding then at least make it an informed decision.

I didn't want to breastfeed any of mine and I'm glad I didn't. They are healthy and happy children. Do what you feel is best. I was never judged by anyone not even any healthcare worker. They would of been told to fuck off if they did.

I'm currently breastfeeding ds (3months) after breastfeeding DD for 6 months, so I'm pretty pro breastfeeding- for me. But it's been entirely my choice. If you've looked at the options and thought no that's not for me then that's ok! We are all different and what works for one doesn't work for another!

It's completely your choice and no one should make you feel guilty. But, as other people have said, many of your reasons aren't true, so it's better to be properly informed.

Breastfed babies don't always need feeding more frequently, and certainly not much more frequently. My younger son slept from 12 to 6.30 by 3 weeks and from 9 to 6.30 by 9 weeks, exclusively breastfed.

It doesn't have to be draining. It is physically actually good for the mother as the oxytocin released during breastfeeding helps the uterus contract back into its pre-pregnancy state more quickly. And you can lose loads of weight when breastfeeding which is an added bonus for many people.

It doesn't always hurt. For some people, it never hurts. For some people, it hurts for a few days or a couple of weeks.

You don't have to breastfeed in public and how do you know you don't feel comfortable if you've never done it?

It is true that it can take a long time particularly in the early days but then you are recovering from labour too so it's a chance to rest and cuddle your baby.

Just because the dad doesn't feed the baby doesn't mean they're not involved. They can change the baby, bathe the baby, take the baby out for walks, sing to the baby, carry the baby, settle the baby to sleep at night. You can also express milk for the dad to give or give the occasional bottle of formula alongside breastmilk. But feeding in itself is not essential for a close relationship.

You don't need to measure what the baby is eating because they take as much as they need and then they stop. With a bottle you determine how much you think they should have.

And it's so easy. No bottles, no sterilising, no taking bottles out with you. And it's so cheap. No expensive tins of formula, sterilisers, bottles, teats, carrying cases.