Don't want to breastfeed.....

[Zaplolly]

Hi everyone!
I'm 25 weeks and have made the decision not to breastfeed when I have my baby. It's my decision but I feel like I'm being to made guilty by not even trying.... did anyone else just go straight to FF? Did you try in the beginning? Is it wrong to not want to?
It's not that I don't want the connection with my baby, just the following reasons-
-they need feeding much more frequently, which can be exhausting through the night
-it is very draining both mentally and physically for Mum
-it hurts
-I don't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public
-can be trying to do it for potentially hours at a time
-no involvement for Dad/freedom for Mum
-can't measure how much baby is drinking on each feed
Would love to hear everyone's thoughts
Thanks x

Oh bloody hell there's no paragraphs! So sorry, I'm on my phone

@mrs2468, not being judgemental at all, just offering a different point of view, one that is backed up by the NHS.

Not sure what my eating / drinking habits have to do with it. However in making choices for my dc, they eat at least 5 a day and stick within the recommended units.

It's interesting that we have so many more Labour saving devices - disposable nappies, ready made formula, dishwashers etc, supermarket deliveries, ready meals. Are our lives as parents any easier than 30 or 40 years ago?

OP - your baby, your decision - try to make it an informed decision.

Go for it OP. I did and we were all fine. I think you need to stop listening to other people so much because that is where the guilt is coming from and instead listen to yourself. You must do what is best for you and only you know the answer to that.

Good luck and congratulations

@Nutkins24 another poster brought up perfect prep I was responding to that when you jumped in with your comments. Unless someone is sitting with a thermometer checking the temperature there is a risk that even using boiled water can not get rid of the bacteria. (However a much smaller risk I get that) I chose to use a prep machine as I felt that's what was best for my child. We don't need people like you telling mums that our choice is unsafe. It's my child my choice. We should be supporting each other as it's hard enough as it is without having go about someone's choices. So it was a twatty thing to say.

@SentToTheSynByn you were telling op what not to do on a post that wasn't even about the prep machine ffs. Well you win the award for mum of the year then don't you.

I chose to use a prep machine as I felt that's what was best for my child.

More like what's best for you.

It makes me feel so sad that these posts always end up with people saying others are wrong despite them just saying it was their experience. I found everything you said to be true. I hated cluster feeding, hated how responsible I was for everything, it was all on me and I hated how my partner couldn't help. Sure the burping and nappy changes are great but lol if you think doing that is the same as feeding for hours every day

Breastfeeding is the biological norm. I think we need to change the way we word things and then maybe more people would choose to breastfeed. Rather than breastfeeding reduces X, Y & Z we need to word it that FF increases the risk of X, Y & Z. Because if the biological norm is the starting point then formula does in fact increase the chances of your baby becoming poorly. Just google 'NHS save money breastfeeding' and there are articles about how many hospital admissions wouldn't occur if more people BF. Personally it wasn't a risk I was willing to take when I didn't have to. If I had a physical or mental reason to need to then that would have been different. Or if I'd have tried my absolute best but not managed then fine. I can't understand not trying to give your baby your milk but choosing to give them an inferior unnatural product. Please OP, do research and I agree with the PP who suggested going to an LLL meeting before you give birth.

I did it for a week with the first but it was shit and I hated it. Didn’t even attempt it with the second. My only regret is even trying in the first place, I wish I’d never bothered.

Are women in the UK made differently to women around the world? UK breastfeeding rates are shockingly low. Our obesity problem is the worst in western Europe. Women have a low life expentancy compared to other parts of Europe. What the hell is going on.

Oh FFS, these threads always go exactly the same fucking way and always descend into whether someone thinks it is wrong not to "at least try to breastfeed..."

OP, it's not wrong not to want to breastfeed, of course it's not. It's YOUR body and YOU decide what to do with it.
The only disservice you'd be doing to yourself, is listening to anyone who tries to tell you your choice is the wrong one.
Have courage of your convictions - believe your reasoning for not wanting to do it, if you don't wish to be persuaded otherwise (although your OP leads me to think you do want to be persuaded otherwise...).

It is also NOT wrong to want to make life as easy as possible for yourself as a new parent.

I was lucky that I found nursing easy. But I know only too bloody well how hard it can be for some. The amount of women we read about who drove themselves near crazy trying to breastfeed and not being able to, the amount of women who STILL beat themselves up about not being able to, years down the line.

I don't think anything is worth that level of insanity if your heart isn't truly in it.

Maybe the up shouldn't have posted this thread. Look formula is cows milk fortified with vitamins. Breastfeeding is the only natural food for baby however formula has its place too. Your mental health is very important. So do what is right for you

It's your choice of course but...
-I didn't necessarily find I was feeding loads more than anyone else.
-I didn't find the feeding draining - having a baby is draining 😂 least with bf you are the only one who can feed so you get to sit down more often

• I only found it painful for a while but it settles down

-my babies dad had one of the closest bonds/relationships I know of. He just didn't everything else except feed.

• you don't need to measure feeds, just go with the flow so to speak. Bottle feeding mums were always stressing amounts etc and trying to force baby to have more
• don't think people knew I was feeding in public most of the time, easy to be discreet if need be.

So many benefits and it's just a lovely experience. Get that it's not for everyone but every feed counts so wouldn't rule it out totally 😊

@mrs2468 by the time a baby is crying with hunger you have already missed all the cues. Perhaps anticipating a feed might prevent that.

You seem really angry that I have offered information that doesn't support your choice to use the prep machine. If you are confident in your decision, crack on. No need to take it so personally.

Unless someone is sitting with a thermometer checking the temperature there is a risk that even using boiled water can not get rid of the bacteria

There really isn’t. Boil a kettle, wait 30 mins, and it will be at least 70 degrees, hot enough to kill the bacteria.

I chose to use a prep machine as I felt that's what was best for my child. We don't need people like you telling mums that our choice is unsafe. It's my child my choice.

It is unsafe. You can’t just deny facts when they don’t suit you. It’s against nhs recommendations and has been found to be to cool to effectively kill bacteria when independently tested. I fully acknowledge the risk of serious bacterial contamination is small, but actually the risk of bacteria growing in an open box of formula stored in a kitchen isn’t that small. I’m all for ff if it’s mums choice, but I’d never be able to ignore someone suggesting unsafe ff, just as I’d never ignore someone giving out advice on, say, unsafe co sleeping. I think the best way to support parents is to spread factual info. We don’t need more marketing shoved down our throats thanks.

@SentToTheSynByn I'll stay up all night watching for hunger signs shall I.

@Nutkins24 im perfectly aware of the risks thanks. It's like all things sids recommendations, breastfeeding co sleeping etc I'm for a parents right to choose and even if I don't agree with something I support that's their choice to make. Once they have made that choice I don't go on about it being unsafe etc as a parent they have made a choice in what they think is right for their child. The op didn't even ask about prep machines yet someone felt the need to throw their opinion in for no reason.

@mrs2468 a couple of posters recommended the prep machines, I was offering another opinion.

I chose to use a prep machine as I felt that's what was best for my child.

im perfectly aware of the risks thanks.

Perfectly aware of the risks but chose it anyway.

So i breastfed two babies and when I have my 3rd I'm no chance doing it again. I understand not wanting to try and going straight for it. But as someone said try the 1st couple days of colostrum but it's your baby your body. Crack on and ignore anyone who makes you feel bad

@SentToTheSynByn yes thanks and I'm happy with my decision if only everyone was as perfect a mother as you

I'm sat here at 5.30 am with my 6 week old on my chest trying to stay awake as he won't settle anywhere else, he's formula fed.

I desperately wanted to breastfeed but got home from hospital in the heatwave and we just couldn't make it work, he was dehydrated and needed food so we gave him formula. For what it's worth when I did manage to feed it wasn't painful in the slightest, just sitting there with him feeding was perfect.

When we were struggling and found ourselves moving towards fully formula fed the midwives were all supportive and didn't pressure to bf, they just want baby fed.

I now find myself incredibly jealous of mothers who are breastfeeding at groups or clinics, I'd love to go back and try again. I'd say keep your mind open and try it, at least while you're producing colostrum. If you don't like it then move to formula.

IME bf (the first time in particular) can be incredibly tough in the first weeks but the payoff thereafter (in terms of convenience and general freedom from faff, alongside the ability to comfort the baby) is immense. I also found it easy from day one ith subsequent dc. It very much paid to get through that first difficult month.

Fed is not best, Informed is best

It makes me really sad that people who can breastfeed won't even try.

But Cosmoa - why should your emotions dictate what someone else does wih their body?

I don’t care how other people choose to feed their babies. I do care very much indeed that they should be able to make proper, informec decisions, and get the support they need in whatever choice they make. If, for example, the OP made her decision based on the statements she made in her opening post, she would not be making an informed decision.