Don't want to breastfeed.....

[Zaplolly]

Hi everyone!
I'm 25 weeks and have made the decision not to breastfeed when I have my baby. It's my decision but I feel like I'm being to made guilty by not even trying.... did anyone else just go straight to FF? Did you try in the beginning? Is it wrong to not want to?
It's not that I don't want the connection with my baby, just the following reasons-
-they need feeding much more frequently, which can be exhausting through the night
-it is very draining both mentally and physically for Mum
-it hurts
-I don't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public
-can be trying to do it for potentially hours at a time
-no involvement for Dad/freedom for Mum
-can't measure how much baby is drinking on each feed
Would love to hear everyone's thoughts
Thanks x

*throw a blanket

Some people just don't want to do it and that is completely fine.
All your reasons are valid. They matter to you. You're the mother. You decide.
You don't have to feel guilty.

Try not to overthink it. You've obviously created a list of pros and cons based on what you have heard about bf and ff, and you've posted asking if it's okay not to breastfeed. Follow your gut instinct, and try and block out the opinions and perceived judgement of other people.

That’s fine formula isveey clever stuff and it’s your choice but have you considered that breastmilk

• has antibodies from you that can boost baby’s immune system
• can protect against allergies

-can adjust to your babies needs eg more watery if it is hot/baby is thirsty

• is free
• bf helps your womb contract after birth making for an easier recovery and can help you lose weight
• helps protect you against certain cancers
• you don’t have to adjust your diet and you can still drink a bit of alcohol at least after the first few weeks
• bf babies are much less likely to suffer with tummy problems eg wind and it’s virtually impossible for them to be constipated unlike ff babies

Lots of people don’t know this stuff so thought I’d share.

I breast fed my bio kids and bottle fed my foster babies. I found breast feeding much easier and was quite shocked how hard bottle feeding is. The guidelines regarding how to make up feeds mean trying to calm hungry baby whilst waiting for bottles to cool and feeding uses both hands so you're basically stuck in front of the TV whereas with breast feeding you have a free hand for reading, scrolling, dressing toddlers... Also, it's not necessarily true that bottle fed babies feed less frequently or sleep through the night sooner. One of my bottle fed babies fed little and often so was constantly sterilising bottles! Whatever you choose though, it's your choice. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone.

I didn't want to bf my dd. I made the decision shortly after finding out I was pregnant. I had watched a close friend driven to the verge of suicide over the medical profession brow beating her to continue bf even though it was harming both her and her children.

I informed by midwife early on, i suspect through my pregnancy I got off lightly due to other health issues as no one pushed it. They respected my decision and honestly I found ff very easy. Bottle's can be premade and kept in the fridge for up to 24 hours and then warmed when needed. I used to microwave mine and shake to ensure no hot spots, a friend used to boil up water, fill bottles with an once less water than needed, let cool and then just add the last ounce as freshly boiled water when needed and that worked great for her.

Dd is a very happy, healthy 5 year old.

My only problem was the first hv after birth who treated me like a child abuser for refusing to bf. Her comments and actions were obscene. To the point that I threw her out of my house and refused to have anything to do with her. The second hv we had was amazing. Didn't give a flying fart how I fed dd, only concerned over whether she was gaining weight.

Do. What is best for you and your baby!

No one should make you feel guilty if that's the decision you've made, and you shouldn't need to provide reasons as to why you don't want too either. I chose to FF with DC1 and I have no regrets over my choice. I will be doing the exact same when DC2 arrives too.

Bottle's can be premade and kept in the fridge for up to 24 hours and then warmed when needed.

No they can't. That's out of date advice. They should be made up fresh when needed. Water needs to be 70 degrees when mixing with the formula to kill bacteria and then bottles need discarding after 2 hours maximum before harmful bacteria start to grow.

Just buy a perfect prep machine... simples!

Bottle's can be premade and kept in the fridge for up to 24 hours and then warmed when needed. I used to microwave mine and shake to ensure no hot spots, a friend used to boil up water, fill bottles with an once less water than needed, let cool and then just add the last ounce as freshly boiled water when needed and that worked great for her.

This is appalling and dangerous advice.
No one on their right mind would make or warm bottles like this

It was the instruction on the boxes when I had dd. Having just looked on cow and Gate site they have changed their recommendations since I had dd.

OP over night feeds are easy if you use the premade stuff, it's not hugely more expensive that the powder and can be resealed and kept in fridge (just check cow and Gate website)

I personally find it toe curlingly repulsive but I would keep an open mind until baby is here. Dc2 wasn't going to have any breast milk due to the fact that I struggled with it for 3 months with dc1. I changed my mind after she was born. As it turned out, I still hated the sensation of feeding and she had a terrible latch but I'm glad we tried.

Just do what you feel is best for your family.

I’m not trying to talk you into it however breastfeeding is easier in a number of ways, not having to get out of bed/ sterilise for night feeds etc. My BF baby is 10 weeks and sleeps through the night already whereas I know plenty of formula feeders are still up every 3-4 hours. They also have more problems with colic.

I’m shy and didn’t think I would feel comfortable feeding in public but tbh no one cares if you breastfeed and you can just wear two tops so no one sees anything.

I was similar to you in that I wanted to give it a go but thought I’d go straight to formula. When she arrived I was surprised how much I wanted to feed her myself, it only hurt for about a week. Now it’s lovely and we having such an amazing bond.

Everyone is different though, if that’s your decision then don’t worry. I know plenty of happy/healthy formula fed babies!

I think you are over-explaining your reasons. As a lot of people have said on this thread, my experience of breastfeeding was that it didn’t hurt, was easy and quick, very convenient.

If you just don’t want to breast feed it’s totally fine but when you tell people your rationale they will think you are making a poorly informed decision and try to explain why. That makes you feel judged. If you just say ‘I just really don’t want to.’ I think people will find that a lot harder to argue with.

Ok think you should whatever works best for you and baby, in the long run it's just important that you are both happy and healthy. I have so far (4 months) been lucky and had little to no pain, my baby also only ever woke once per night and is now sleeping through. However it's different for everyone, I have friends who hated it and were exhausted from lack of sleep. I wasn't breastfed myself and I honestly don't think it did me any harm.

Also just do add. It helps me settle her and get her to sleep almost straight away. Like a PP said it’s a good comfort which can mean less walking around/ singing/ bouncing in the middle of the night.

I choose not to breast feed with my second child (after learning the hard way how awful breast feeding can be)
I just told my midwife and she said it was nice I knew my own mind and would respect my decision and she did. It was great!
I felt so relaxed and able to enjoy my baby, it was wonderful! I was not wrestling with feeding or leaking. I just enjoyed holding and kissing and loving my baby.

For me the benefits of ff were:

• baby slept for much much longer. I was up all night every night bf and only once with ff. It was a game changer with two babies to care for and made the whole thing doable.

• My dh was far more involved and bonded with our baby much more. I know people will dispute this, but that was definitely my experience. He loved feeding her and rocking her in the night and grew to love getting up with her (a big bonus)

• I am very shy and not someone that could bf anywhere, so I stopped going out and felt very depressed at home all of the time. There are no real bf friendly places in my view apart from John Lewis and I couldn't spend every day in there! FF gave me freedom to go wherever I wanted to and I really enjoyed taking my baby out and about.

• My breasts did not suffer and become empty. I still have great boobs now even if everything else is heading south.

• I didn't feel like a feeding machine, but I got my identity and felt whole again once I didn't have to bf. I could go out with friends in the evening for drinks. I felt free again!

• I never ever ran out of ff and always kept a stock of organic baby milk, it was great!

You can do what you want op. Try breast feeding or don't. The choice is always yours. It will not make one ounce of difference to your baby if you ff. They all grow up healthy and happy! Good luck with your baby!

I managed 7 weeks and it isn’t bloody easy at the best of times I was hallucinating from tiredness but reflux and EBF was impossible for me so I had to stop. I felt guilty for ages and it really affected my mental health. Do what you want to do and don’t let nobody come between you and your child’s happiness- a fed baby is a happy baby x

It's fine to not want to breastfeed but I also think that whatever way you choose to fees your baby then it needs to be an informed position. I chose to breastfeed because nutrionally it is better, it's free and doesn't involve faffing around with sterilizing. Others choose to bottle feed for similar reasons I'm sure.
Nothing anyone ever seem a to talk about it mix feeding. My dd was mix fed from 3 weeks cause I got sick after birth and had to readmitted. It is possible to do both, you don't need to feed in public and it shouldn't hurt.
Make a decision based on facts not misinformation and don't feel guilty

I breastfeed and my 4 month old slept from 9:30pm- 6:30am and then woke for a feed and then slept till 9:30am.

If she has sticky eye or the odd little spot on her skin it's always cleared up within the day bu using breastmilk.

These are the benefits for me along with all of the previous mentioned. Her Dad does loads and because I'm feeding her myself he also does most of the house work! Although I often do housework too as I get bored. She's also really easy to settle with breastfeeding.

I'm honestly too lazy to bottle feed 😂

Upto you though!

I wanted to breastfeed my oldest but I didn't have any support or encouragement from my husband and so changed to formula at 6 weeks. My son has grown into a happy and healthy adult and my relationship with him is no different to that with my other 4 who were all exclusively breastfed.

That being said I did not find formula feeding to be much better.

He was a poor sleeper even when he had formula.
The bottles took ages to wash and sterilise.
When he needed a feed in the night I had to get up, boil the kettle, heat the milk and then return to a cross and crying baby.
There was a financial cost to bottle feeding.

My subsequent babies were all breastfed and I never once felt "tied" or that my freedom was curtailed in any way. I was able to leave the house at the drop of a hat, stay out as long as I wanted and know that as long as I had a spare outfit, wipes and nappies I had everything my baby needed. No waiting for bottles to warm up or cool down, food constantly on tap, instant comfort for cross/cranky/tired baby, plenty of downtime for cross/cranky/tired mum!

Of course it is your choice how your baby is fed but don't underestimate how exhausting it is to be a new mum (or even the mum of an older baby). Balance your desire for freedom/dad's involvement against your need for rest. Having done both I would say the slight awkwardness in the early days is more than compensated for by the convenience and benefits of breastfeeding.

My husband was useless when our first was born but came to realise how to support me with subsequent children. He is and has been a fantastic father but never needed to feed them to do that.

It is totally your decision, but I think there are a few things that you might not have considered in your pros and cons analysis. Plenty of people have already mentioned the pros of breastfeeding so I won't recap them, but there are a couple of extra downsides of formula that you may not be aware not.

1 - Formula is more likely to cause constipation and associated stomach pain. I had to combi feed DS as he didn't gain enough weight with breastfeeding alone and he got terrible constipation which was sometimes painful for him, and of course anxiety inducing for me. A baby with stomach pains does not make for a restful night either! Obviously this isn't the case for all formula fed babies but it does increase the risk.

2 - In hot weather it's harder to keep formula fed babies hydrated (breastmilk adapts its consistency to their thirst level). You can give formula fed babies some boiled water to balance this, but that does rely on them happily drinking water! (DS didn't and as a toddler is still bad at drinking water)

Ariel Anna

My baby had awful wind and stomach trouble when I was EBF. The midwife even told me in hospital that I wouldn’t need to wind him. I assure you this wasn’t the case he was full of wind breast or bottle made no difference.
I think all babies will enjoy water if small amounts are given from a young age. My son has a small amount often.

Whatever decision you make, don’t allow others to make you feel guilty. I’m sure your baby will grow happy and healthy whether on breast or formula. My first and third were ff, my second bf. They are all healthy 20 somethings! I had no bonding issues, you can cuddle your baby when ff too! What matters is that you aren’t stressed and guilt ridden because that’s what your baby will pick up on. Good luck and hope all goes well.

Have you actually breastfed before? It seems to me like you don't know what you are talking about or you have had a bad experience. Here is my experience of breastfeeding two children:
The eldest breastfed a lot but then when I weaned him he asked for the bottle just as often as he used to ask for breast milk. The youngest breastfed an OK amount, mostly during the day, he mostly seemed to breastfeed a lot at once so didn't need to wake up too often etc.
The breastfeeding (waking at night aside which I had to do anyway to give bottles) wasn't remotely draining unless you mean in the literal sense.
I was uncibfirtable breastfeeding in front of others at first but this quickly passed.
It didn't hurt, at all (although my larger breasts gave me back pain but this was inevitable because they were big to begin with and got really large during pregnancy, the breastfeeding didn't make a difference as far as I can tell as they still haven't dropped back down in size).
It won't make any difference to your baby whether you breastfeed or not (unless they gave digestive issues) but it will make a difference to you. You may find it much easier like I did or you may find it really hard like lots of people do. You can't know without trying and I would think it a but silly bit to find out given that breastfeeding could make life much easier for you.