Don't want to breastfeed.....

[Zaplolly]

Hi everyone!
I'm 25 weeks and have made the decision not to breastfeed when I have my baby. It's my decision but I feel like I'm being to made guilty by not even trying.... did anyone else just go straight to FF? Did you try in the beginning? Is it wrong to not want to?
It's not that I don't want the connection with my baby, just the following reasons-
-they need feeding much more frequently, which can be exhausting through the night
-it is very draining both mentally and physically for Mum
-it hurts
-I don't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public
-can be trying to do it for potentially hours at a time
-no involvement for Dad/freedom for Mum
-can't measure how much baby is drinking on each feed
Would love to hear everyone's thoughts
Thanks x

Honestly, the experience of breastfeeding is different for everyone. You might as well give it a go (colostrum is wonder stuff so at least a couple of days is a good idea).
If you don't like it then stop. If it's not as bad as you thought then keep going. You can always do combination feeding to give husband a go, but babies often protest at anyone but their mothers feeding them...
For me one of the main incentives for BF was better health - in a selfish way, I preferred to BF than nurse DD through endless colds, ear infections, tummy bugs etc. Having a strong immune system is better for everyone. Not to say that FF babies necessarily have bad immune systems, but breastmilk definitely boosts immunity. Being up all night with a baby who spews actual sick in a fountain every 20 minutes is a new kind of hell.

I BF my first for 15 months. And intend to BF my second. Personally I was always amazed at watching friends faff with bottles etc or having to go and buy emergency formula while out and about - I couldn’t be dealing with it. It’s a personal choice but there is (sorry) a degree of irony of people saying well, I’m not going to have this, this and that during pregnancy because of the chemicals etc.. but how baby is fed is then different?! Controversial maybe - but true! For me it was easier, more pleasant and more convenient.

My DSIL and I had our babies within 4 weeks of each other, I EBF she FF.

I did have sore cracked nipples which we quickly resolved when I found MN and they told me about Lansinoh which fixed that within a day or two.

ds was sleeping through the night (11pm - 6am) from 8 weeks, dn didnt sleep through until 6 months - every baby is different and ff or bf wont define this for you

by the time bf was really established around 8 weeks, when visiting DSIL, by the time she had prepared dn's bottle, fed, then winded I'd finished ages ago. Feeds once established could take just 5-10 mins and ds rarely needed winding. There was no looking at the bottle and worrying about the fact she had only drank x ounces when she should have drunk Y and will I now need more bottles for later.

Our kids are teenagers now, but back when they were babies bottles were prepared in advance, but DSIL struggled to know how many to prepare as she would try to feed one and dn would refuse and would need to prepare more during the night. With bf it is always ready.

My dh was very involved with our ds, he put him down to sleep, he bathed him most nights, changed a lot of nappies/clothes, took him for walks around the park while I grabbed a nap etc etc etc. Feeding is only a tiny bit in the first 6 months before weaning.

Don't agree with mentally and physically draining anymore than having a baby and ff would be. bf releases feel good hormones, your body is designed to bf so as long as you take care of yourself and all goes well it shouldn't be any more draining.

DSIL didn't bf just because she couldn't get her head around it and it just didn't feel right, I did not judge her in anyway, her body her choice. She is happy about her choice and I mine. If you just dont want to bf your choice, but if its for the reasons you stated above they are worst case scenarios for everything and no consideration for benefits if bf actually works for you.

If that's your decision good for you. I'd be very clear with all midwives up front in the hospital that you are formula feeding, so they don't try to encourage you to breast feed.

(I wanted to breastfeed and struggled, but they were really pushy trying to get me to establish feeding and at one point wouldn't let my husband have some formula milk when he asked for it - 'I was on the BF list!')

Since not breastfeeding, I always say it's the best thing I never did. I had a very difficult birth and my husband was able to help out with feeds right from the beginning and helps with father/child bonding too. Agree with your point about having some 'freedom' - I found popping up the road on my own to grab a basket of groceries liberating in the early days.

Unfortunately, the current climate is 'breast is best' so they're never going to promote the benefits of bottle-feeding - there are plenty!

I often pop to the shop on my own and have done since my ds was a couple of weeks old. Breastfed babies do not feed every minute of the day it's just not true. Some babies clusterfeed for hours but not all. My ds and dd both went for 2-3 hours between feeds from the beginning. Feed how you want but maybe do some reading on what actual breastfeeding is like before making sweeping statements. The best choices are always the informed choices.

You do what’s best for you! There will be always people who will disagree with you.
I decided to bottle feed as I was not wanting to breastfeed. My DD loves been fed by her dad but I did feel like everyone was saying something or judging me. now DD is 6 months old n i am kinda regretting not breast feeding and have decided to breast feed on the next baby in future.

It's entirely your choice however your reasons are beliefs not facts.

Everyone has different experiences of feeding babies as bodies and babies are all different!

In my personal experience I enjoyed bfing, I loved that it was something that only I could do (made me feel important/special) I loved the closeness, loved the fact it was convenient and there was no worries if we were out about making up bottles etc, also loved that it was free!! I also mix fed occasionally so still felt able to leave dd with grandparents if I wanted to go out.

Maybe wait till the baby is born and see how you go.

Personally I don't understand why people don't even try to breastfeed when it is proven to be better for mum and baby (although I've no doubt someone will argue this point) In the same way I don't understand lots of things that people do. Everyone is different.
Just make sure you have the facts before you make your decision. A lot of your reasons are simply not true.

She doesn't need a reason. Not wishing to is enough.

Absolutely she doesn't need a reason and just not wanting to is enough. But she has given reasons-and they aew potentially misleading to herself and orhers. Informed choice is vital.

I think the op feels like she needs a reason because she's listed a whole heap of them!
I agree she doesn't need one but she's started a whole thread on it so she clearly wants feedback.

It's fine to not want to, I don't think many people have said it isn't but I do think if someone gives reasons like the OP has done then they should be challenged if they are not true. If someone was undecided and they saw the ops list of reasons it might put them off trying. This is why there needs to be more information available rather than just saying breast is best or whatever.

I don't think she needs to be challenged. It's fine to say you don't want to breastfeed.

Sure folks can correct any erroneous beliefs, but that's different to challenging her. I can see why she feels she needs a reason based on some of these responses. They are challenging her and asking her to try it. If she doesn't want to folks should accept that, not urge her to change her mind,

She doesn't need a reason. Not remotely. She doesn't need to justify it to anyone.

And let's be honest, for many women, most or all of her reasons have an element of truth in them. Let's not pretend otherwise.

I don't think challenging her is what people are trying to do.

I agree, OP doesn't need a reason.

Other people might find not knowing how much baby has had not a problem, but if it is for the OP it is a valid reason. An over-anxious mum is not a good mum.

Modern formula is fed on demand anyway.

And no, not all babies feed all the time, but there will be a fair wack of them who do because that's how supply is established. Just like bf mums would maximise the faff with bottles, I'd maximise the psychological burden of needing to feed a tiny baby. Nights were the only time I ever thought how practical bf would have been. But then the overwhelming responsibility wouldn't have cut it at all. I would have found sitting with my baby on my boob in public much more of a problem than taking bottles and hot water.

Stop saying the OP needs to try it. Her boobs, her choice.

Agree, and let's look at her reasons.

they need feeding much more frequently, which can be exhausting through the night - hugely feasible, it happens often, poor latch, whatever, plenty of threads on constant feeding or expressing on here.
-it is very draining both mentally and physically for Mum - yup. You're solely responsible for feeding or expressing, and expressing can be difficult for many and very time consuming. Plenty of threads on this too, the sheer exhaustion of it, the constant ness,
-it hurts - totally for many women, sore or infected nipples is very common. The woman in the room next to me when I had my daughter suffered terrible mastitis, her nipples basically turned green and she was having to sit under a heat lamp and have treatment it was that bad.
-I don't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public - as do many, and that's fine. There is nothing wrong with your feelings.
-can be trying to do it for potentially hours at a time - totally. Especially in the beginning, or with a baby who doesn't feed well.
-no involvement for Dad/freedom for Mum - totally, unless you express, the responsibility of feeding is all yours. And if you express you could spend your time either feeding or expressing.
-can't measure how much baby is drinking on each feed - always a concern with a baby who doesn't feed well, or isn't gaining weight.

So although none of these things may happen with you, equally one or all of them could occur.

So all this "the reasons are a myth, she should be challenged" is total and utter bullshit and we all know it. Breast feeding is not some glorious simple experience for many women, it's exhausting, difficult, traumatic, and can be damaging for the baby if they don't feed well, and stop gaining weight.

So saying I don't want to, is absolutely acceptable, no reason is required. People would get a lot more credibility if they stopped denying the difficulties many women faced, that's what allows women to make informed decisions.

I was like you.....bought bottles, packs of formula and prep machine...no intention of BF....then 5 weeks ago I had my baby girl and I was kept in overnight the day I gave birth. She started to fuss in the night lunging for my boob, the midwife said pull your bra down and see what she does soon as she did it I was BF.
Since then it has been easier than I ever thought, she has had the odd bottle when I had to be admitted to hospital and when my mum/ partner has looked after her.
My advice would be do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Doesn't look like OP is coming back

But OP, a lot of your assumptions/'facts' are wrong.

You can make whatever decisions you want to re your dc, but it's always best to be informed.

they need feeding much more frequently, which can be exhausting through the night
Nope, not always true

-it is very draining both mentally and physically for Mum
Having a newborj is draining! I found bf relaxing as I could sit down and read while dc was feeding

-it hurts
Nope. Didn't with my dd

-I don't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public
Fair enough. But you can't really say that until you try. Nobody notices. You have the law on your side.

-can be trying to do it for potentially hours at a time
Nope, depends on the child.

-no involvement for Dad/freedom for Mum
Plenty of involvement for Dad doing anything else for the baby!

But it sounds like you've already made up your mind.

Is it only women from the UK who have breastfeeding issues? Why are our rates so low compared to the rest of the world? Why do we have a massive obesity problem? Millions and millions of women are breastfeeding around the world but yet only UK women seem to have issues such as dad may not bond with baby. Laughable.

I went straight to FF from birth. I just didn't want to breastfeed! I had no urge or want.

Make sure your have some formula or ready to use bottles with you as hospital won't supply any! Don't forget to take two bottles so one can be cleaned and sterilised while you use the other.

Another thing is that if you're sure, don't let them bully you into changing your mind. Every appointment my midwife tries to bully me into breastfeeding and so did the nurse on the post natal ward. She only stopped when husband told her where to go.

Title: 'don't want to breastfeed'
The end.

Why on earth should OP change her wants, needs, feelings and lifestyle to satisfy strangers on the web?

Personally for I didn't want to feed my baby dried cows milk. The thought made me feel uneasy. Breast milk is the only natural food for baby but if you have made your mind up about formula feeding, do it.

blanche she asked for everyone's thoughts.

Those are my thoughts.

What bewilders me about this kind of debate (and I'm not from the uk so my perceptions may be different) is that people suggesting she give it a go and stating that her reasons aren't their experience are shut down as if they're trying to push something on her for their own personal gain.
It makes no difference to me if anyone breastfeeds. I just know that trying and persevering with it was one of the best things I ever did and I don't think encouraging it based on my experiences (which were bloody awful in all honesty but sooo worth it a few weeks in) is a bad thing. But clearly it is as I don't feel like i can ever say anything positive about it without being criticised.