Don't want to breastfeed.....

[Zaplolly]

Hi everyone!
I'm 25 weeks and have made the decision not to breastfeed when I have my baby. It's my decision but I feel like I'm being to made guilty by not even trying.... did anyone else just go straight to FF? Did you try in the beginning? Is it wrong to not want to?
It's not that I don't want the connection with my baby, just the following reasons-
-they need feeding much more frequently, which can be exhausting through the night
-it is very draining both mentally and physically for Mum
-it hurts
-I don't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public
-can be trying to do it for potentially hours at a time
-no involvement for Dad/freedom for Mum
-can't measure how much baby is drinking on each feed
Would love to hear everyone's thoughts
Thanks x

Do whatever you feel better with tho I would give your baby colostrum

Totally your choice, you do what you are happy with. I loved bfing mine, my best friend ff hers, we manage to remain best friends

I bottle fed from birth. I had planned to and had no intention of breastfeeding. I don't want to go into the reasons why i made that decision but I have no regrets about bottle feeding. I did feel pressured as i was asked about breastfeeding at every single midwife appointment, however the midwife that delivered DS accepted my choice without question. There was no pressure at all in hospital.

I didn't breastfeed. I thought I would but only for a few weeks. I has an horrendous pregnancy and just couldn't face it. I swear I would have slipped into PND if I had.

Be prepared for your MIL to accuse you of poisoning her 'poor precious grandchild' though. our relationship never recovered from that.

You are in charge of your own body. In the current batshit climate i can't support this enough.

This about seeing how much they drink is a load of bollocks though.

But it's your body your choice

The bit about involving dad is bollocks too

I always knew I never even wanted to try breastfeeding. It wasn't for me at all. So I didn't. I did not feel guilty at all. Plenty tried to make me feel guilty, but I refused to let them. My baby, my choice. Fed is best, how is irrelevant

No matter what you do as a mother (in so many situations) you'll end up feeling guilty. So just do your best whatever way works for you.

did anyone else just go straight to FF?
Yes, DS never had any BM.
Did you try in the beginning?
Yes, in that I tried for the first 24 hours. DS was unable to latch and the hospital didn’t really seem to have any kind of plan to help him, so we decided enough was enough and gave him a bottle. It was a great relief. Expressing was not suggested to us.
Is it wrong to not want to?
No, it’s your body so it’s your choice.
IME your reasons are valid. I wasn’t prepared to experience any pain, I went through enough ttc, once he was here my body was closed for business.
I think it’s valid not to want to do it in public, although I have friends who bf and most don’t expose anything.
Newborns need feeding every 2-3 hours regardless. However after you’ve just had a baby, the ability to hand over to Dad, who let’s face it has got off pretty lightly so far, and have a full night’s sleep is very useful! Make the most of paternity leave!

I never did either. Didn't want to be tied to a baby 24/7. Of course dad does/can get involved beyond feeding, but for me, the idea of being responsible for feeding another human being felt too restrictive.
I also didn't want to have to deal with problems like mastitis, bleeding/sore nipples and what have you. Just no. It would have got in the way of enjoying the -hard- magical time of having a newborn.

Also I think it’s all very well saying give them colostrum, I tried hand expressing on day 1-2 for that and nothing came out and it hurt.

Oh god, not this bullshit again. Breastfeeding is like the devils work on mumsnet. For me breastfeeding was fantastic.no pain, a beautiful experience. If I had a third child, i would breastfeed again. Breast is best however formula is not poison and can come in handy in certain situations. But your list is all doom and gloom.

Plese dont believe this bullshit about being tied to baby. Honestly some of the comments here are unbelievable

Hated bf, hurt and had swollen sore boobs every day plus painful let down in my armpits. Switched to formula at four months, best decision ever. Get a perfect prep, takes minutes if that to make perfect bottle.

Also hate how these threads become an attack on each other. Bf mums start telling ff mums their experiences are wrong, ff mums get defensive. It's always a mess. Everyone says just do what you want but then add why bf is best, why you should try or how it worked like magic for them so clearly there is a judgemental element to it

It's completely up to you if you want to try or not. I know plenty of people who tried and weren't able to anyway.

But some of your reasons aren't necessarily accurate. My daughter was exclusively breastfed and slept for a full 10 hours through the night from 2 weeks of age. She didn't feed more often than my friends babies who were formula fed. I didn't find it draining at all and personally I found it so much easier to whip a boob out than have to sterilise bottles and make up formula when DD was screaming cos she was hungry and you know you always have food there which makes going out a lot easier.
As DD put on weight so well I knew she was getting enough and that was all that mattered.
And it didn't hurt. And it definitely helped me lose weight, within a couple of weeks I weighed less than I did before I got pregnant.
About dad being more involved, as I was doing all the feeding he did most of the nappy changes and I was more than happy with that arrangement.

But then I had no issues about breastfeeding in public as it's what I'd been used to with all my friends and family members.

SORRY BUT BREAST IS BEST. FACT. Currently I am feeding my baby jar food, with my first I made food from scratch. Now I know that food from a jar is rubbish compared to home cooked food, so why deny it.

You do what you want it’s your body, however as others have pointed out there are a few misconceptions about breastfeeding in your OP

I can only give you my experience .
It didn’t hurt, it felt wonderful and it was free. It didn’t stop my children’s father bonding with them, in fact quite the opposite as he got to decide his own special role as chief bather and nighttime nappy changer instead which he and they all loved.

I exclusively breastfed all three until six months to a year depending on their acceptance of a bottle. I still breastfed our two years and six month old daughter alongside our ten month old son. She was run down the other day and a few nights of breastfeeding her have honestly made such a difference.

Most people don’t give a shit if you breastfeed in public. Vest underneath top. Pull one down one up, nursing bra. Bingo.

When I stop breastfeeding my babies / little people I honestly will mourn the passing of something so special and precious to me and them (I hope )

You are not a bad mother if you don’t breastfeed. Truly you are not. But for me, the look on their little faces as I feed them, hold their hand and just enjoy the moment between us well it is priceless..

Do what suits you.

DS2 is still BF at 27 months, it's really helping him with teething pain. I mention this because there are loads of positive reasons to breastfeed. For me, the many positives outweighed the initial trickiness.

I echo what eatmycheese says. I didn’t expect b/feeding to be at all enjoyable because there’s a lot of negativity around it in the U.K. (which is a mostly bottle feeding culture so understandable). But I loved it and there’s really nothing like that feeling. I cried and cried when my dd self weaned at 15 months (although I was glad in the end as it made it much easier than having to wean her against her choice). I had no pain either. I’m not quite sure what you want from this thread? If you’ve made up your mind that it’s not for you then I would say fair choice, no need to fret. Many of my friends have chosen to ff and none have ever had any judgement from midwives/hvs. If you are actually undecided then I would always say it’s worth a try because it can be so much easier and cheaper and an all round lovely part of motherhood.

Nutritionally speaking, I don't think it can be argued.
However there's so much more to that, and unfortunately you won't get an answer on a forum.
From people who've breasfed: some have had amazing experiences and loved it, found it great and easy, but some have had an awful time.
From people who've formula fed: let's face it- it's easy (the "washing bottles"/"making bottles"???- it literally takes a couple of minutes), and can be shared 50/50.

Why the need to decide now? Can’t you buy a few bottles/formula and see how it goes once baby is here? I never understand being so against something you’ve never even tried....It is of course your right to decide but it would be just as crazy to choose, before baby is born, to exclusively breast feed and never try bottles .....keep an open mind and see what happens no need to be so fixed on a certain course of action in my opinion.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3349186-anyone-out-there-who-thinks-they-don-t-want-to-breastfeed

You have opened a can of worms here. I am all for a fully informed choice however the truth is that many women feel that they have made an informed choice when in fact they don’t have all the information or have information that’s actually not true. Many pps have debunked many of the myths in your OP about some perceived downsides of bf so I won’t go over that again. I would really recommend getting to a bf group of a LLL meeting before you have your baby. Speak to real life women in your community who are currently breastfeeding and where there will be specifically trained bf supporters/counsellors. That’s how you get yourself properly informed and only then should you make a decision. If, after that, you think, nope not for me, then great. You should be free to make that choice without judgement.

I'm exclusively bfing dd2 and she's been a dream. Latched straight away, no pain, only wakes once a night (so far!) I get to eat a ton of chocolate without putting on weight, it's free, bfing in public isn't an issue I just find a quiet area with easy access top and true a blanket over my shoulder.

Personal choice but I felt like I wanted to give my kids the best nutritional start that I could and if that inconvenienced me for a year or so, so be it