Is six children too many ?

[mozhe]

Someone,( a colleague..but I do not know them well ), just stopped me in the corridor at work...noticing I was pregnant they asked me if it was my first, when I told them ,' no, it's my 6th '...they said,' six is too many ', and strod off....Is six too many ?

C, you've slightly misconstrued me. The IQ thing was just one amongst a huge number of comments that you picked out. I said on average if you did a study of women with children chose who work probably have a higher IQ because they're in demanding intellectually stimulating jobs whereas if you worked at McDonald's say you're more likely when it comes to deciding who stays home that if you're not in much of a job, never went to university etc you'll stay at home. That's all. Of couse huge numbers of working women are as thick as a plank and many clever women (God knows why) choose to be housewives but on average I would guess my survey if I did one would show exactly what I said.

I have also said women should work at this time in 2007 so shortly after they have got legal rights to do so fairly - we are in an important transitional phase and women owe it to their daughters to consolidate work gains they only just made before men say - wow these women fought for equal pay but not they're saying oh that was just a joke, we prefer to be home, clean the house, mind the children, iron your shirts and give you sex in return for money. So keep on working as a duty to the nationa and other women but in 100 or 200 years time once the gains are established the country is run as much by women as men, then by all means make selfish choices to benefit you by staying home idle. For now you need to be out there fighting to continue to prove it was worth giving women rights to equal pay etc.

That is not the standard working mother view I'm sure though. They are all far to nice and namby pamby let's not hurt the feelings of people who make choices, all is rosy in the garden which is free from testosterone. Fake smiles and fake tolerance.

Mozhe, I'm grappling with why it seems so strange to me.

To DECIDE to have 6 children says something about you being a mother. To then spend most of the children's waking hours away from them and having other adults bring them up doesn't make sense to me because 6 kids is a serious business.
There are 6 little people who need nurturing ans caring for and it is harder work then just 2.
So how can you meet the emotional needs of 6 children if you are not there most of the time. You have to fit 6 children's emotional needs into your evening routine.
I have a whole day to spread out the meeting of their emotional needs, the younger ones get more during the day when the older ones are at school and in the evenings I can give the older ones the attention. I COULDN'T meet their needs if I had been absent all day, it' just not possible.

Oh FFS Xenia, you really are narrow minded. Because I chose to give up my career and stay at home with DD I am automatically less intelligent than average and happy to be paid for sex? Good God woman, the thing about equal rights is that you get a choice! You are in effect saying that there is no choice - women should work! Argh!!!!

women owe it to their daughters to be there for them xenia

you work for yourslef - NOT them . At least be honest about that

PS WHEN do you work?

'give sex in return for money'

I LOVE sex and demand it - HE groans 'NOT AGAIN"

plus I dont iron

I love Xenia. I am completely at the different end of the spectrum to her, but she's an example to me of what mumsnet is good at - pooling an enormous wide range of views and mixing them all up a bit.

And yes, I think she's completely wrong, and yes, she thinks I'm betraying other women by desiring, choosing and enjoying focusing on home, family and children and encouraging my daughters to do the same.

She drives me completely nuts with the side-swipes at my choices/intelligence/etc. but I so agree with her about prefering that to her pretending to 'live and let live' and false smiles and simperingness.

I did not go to Uni, I travelled instead and gained life experience. I took an IQ test and got 158. Higher than Einstein. I choose to stay at home with my girls because I want to. I am enjoying them while they are little, before I know it they will be at school and I will work then. In the meantime I am writing a book.
What is your problem with SAHM's. Get off your fucking high horse before someone knocks you off.
Bloody holier than thou bullshit.

Haven't got time to read the whole thread.
6 is not too many 10 is not too many 20 is not too many (ok ok I know 20 probably is too many ) but if you can love them, provide for them, be there for them and yes give them their own bed! then who cares how many children you have

I have 5, would love 6 but Dh says no

Why are you telling us you are more intelligent tha Einstein ?

Good post SueBaroo...it's right,and stimulating,( and dare I say fun..), to debate even if we don't agree with one another...

Kitty...We are different I think ! I have plenty of time to meet my children's emotional needs,( most of the time....no one meets anyone's emotional needs 100% of the time..), and there are other people that can do so too...like DH/nanny etc. I just don't believe a mother has to be the be all and end all of a child's life....I think it would be destructive of me,( to myself and them...) to try and fulfill this role. People must tie themselves in knots trying to do so...in fact yes I know they do..

LOL, I'm not that was in indignation at xenia that SAHM have low IQ.
Sorry mozhe, to answer your OP 6 would be too many for me. 2 is enough for me
But I think your colleague was really rude to say that to you. Have you spoken to them since???

Am starting to wonder whether Xenia is in fact right about SAHMdom making you thick. Went shopping this morning, bought 2 cartons of milk, 2 packets of butter, flour, eggs. So we now have 24 eggs, 5 packets of flour, 6 packets of butter and 6 cartons of milk. We have 1 dc.

We have no bread, no coffee and no fruit....

Yes, of course ! You know me I bear no grudges To be fair to them it wasn't said in a rude way at all...it was,( for those who read french..)' Mon Dieu ! six ! C'est trops, c'est trops...' It was just the statement that got me thinking....that's all. I've since found out that she has 4....so maybe she's feeling a bit overwhelmed...who knows, but her youngest is only 6 weeks old..

Aah, ok then. I thought you were in shock over her rudeness. There is a woman over the road from MIL that has just had her 8th, and is planning the 9th. She wants 10.
I do think you mad woman, but she loves it. She does everything for them, reads them all a story at night, and she works too.
I have much respect for that. I could never do it tho.

ss, one consequence of a large family is food runs out particularly once you have a load of teenagers. They're like locusts.

I genuinely can't understand how anyone likes the housewife role, that's all. Obviously some of you do. A lot of women can't wait to get back after each maternity leave. Some men love being stay at home fathers so I can see it attracts some people.

The stay at home mothers swear more and are more abusive on every thread on this topic so they rather speak for themselves but that is not all of them by any means.

Interesting comments about meeting chidlren's needs. I never felt my chidlren's weren't met. I don't think you need one person to meet the needs. That's the fascinating issue which perhaps divides some of those staying at home by choice and those working by choice. When a 4 year old at school falls and hurts their knee (or even my 8 year old who had 2 big boys fall on him yesterday and the school gave him an enormous plaster completely over the top but I bet he enjoyed getting it) then their needs are met at school. They tell you about it at home and you give them attention and a cuddle etc. I just don't see why the mother or father has to be there all day long and if they aren't the fact their loved known continuous nanny can't meet the needs in that period, or granny or for the stay at home mothers around here who go to the gym each morning (they do the school run in sort of sixth form tennis skirts) are somehow damaging the baby by putting it in the creche for 2 hours at the gym.

am, I think people have chosen to go on about the IQ thing far too much. Women who don't earn much and haven't much of a job are more likely to be home and don't have as many good exam results on average. That is all I said. I never said anywhere all housewives have a low IQ.

genuinely - i cannot understand why someone would actively CHOOSE to leave their children to be brought up by someone who they do not respect