Is six children too many ?

[mozhe]

Someone,( a colleague..but I do not know them well ), just stopped me in the corridor at work...noticing I was pregnant they asked me if it was my first, when I told them ,' no, it's my 6th '...they said,' six is too many ', and strod off....Is six too many ?

eh? By someone they don't respect? Can't follow you

personally Xenia - speaking as an employer - you spend way to much time on here

If i employed you I would have words

Only Xenia and Mozhe seem to refer to sahms and childcarers useing adectives such as 'Thick' Anniemac

no no no it was only me as a SAHM using that word in my own posting about myself....

I haven't ever seen a WOHM describe SAHMs as "thick"

Maybe we all tend to filter out the arguments in our favour and just see the words that make us seethe

I understand all pov on this issue but resent ill conceived judgements being made about me from a cyber goddess

someone will sorrect me but i am pretty damn sure Xenia has used that word - maybe not on this thread but she has!!!

I don't take offense easily Anniemac , and I don't think Xenia does either...in my case I've had plenty of experience of people being hostile/defensive/aggressive to me and tbh it's water off a duck's back ! I appreciate it might upset others but not I....

I don't believe that you can meet the needs of 6 children yourself if you work all day. You could meet the needs of 2, easily, but not 6 no.
Yes you can employ a small army of people to do it for you and feel fine about that. But I think it's better that the mother does the majority of that work, not someone else.

We'll have to agree to disagree Kitty....but you are absolutely right I definitely couldn't do it on my own...

I know this is off the OP but I am new and my jaw is dropping at this thread. The glass ceiling will stay exactly where it is until woman can choose their role without being endlessly assessed and judged by OTHER WOMEN ! We keep blaming the men but i am not sure they really care anymore - the guys that worked for me never seemed bothered that I was a female.
I have worked very hard all my life and sometimes that has been at home and sometimes at a desk. I have worked with career mothers who pranced about in their power suits but couldn't find their arse with a map and a compass and have met SAHM's who who seem to spend a lot of time watching tv and going to the shops.
I have also met extrordinary women who juggle jobs and being a parent and a partner and are fabulous at it and have met women who are raising great kids with little money and no support and doing a fantastic job.
I was great at my job and enjoyed it and I am a great mother and love that too ( although lousey at housework but that isn't my main role as i see it).
Being a SAHM was not what I would have chosen and initially I think I resented it. It has taken some time to adjust and let go of my ego about how I wanted the world to view me but I am very happy with my life now and I think that is all that matters. I will never go back to a paid career again and that suits me fine - i am doing something valuable here. It was easier for me - so easy - when I had the status and trappings of my career. I was treated with respect, I was rewarded, I was praised and promoted and that was comforting and validating ( I was even 'sucked up to' at times and a sad little insecure part of me didn't even like letting that go). It was challenging and exciting and I enjoyed it. But what I do now is hard - I just don't get the acknowledgment because I do just what need to be done with no plaudits. I think it is hugely satifying to realise that our worth is not the value which others place upon us. I go to bed most nights tutting about the things I didn't do well but very proud of the things that I did that improve the lives of my kids and my family. I wieghed up my choices and this - this thing I do now - is the job that most needs me . For others it will be something else. Why is that a problem or anyone elses business?

Same here. It never bothers me at all. In my case years of pretty nasty abuse from my husband makes anything on here pale into insignificance and every day as part of my work I get what are in effect abusive letters. I just had one by fax.

We get side tracked on side issues sometimes. Yes I have somewhere or other used the word "thick" but I've never said all working mothers or stay at home mothers are unintelligent or thick or whatever you want to call it ot "different" if that's more PC or "intellectually challenged" or whatever. But obviously some people are born pretty and clever and some ugly as sin and unintelligent. It's not a fair world in any sense genetically as much as anything else.

I work for myself. I'm quite content with how my children's needs are met (and three are at univesrity and even they have regular needs not just for cash - it's very interesting being at the into adulthood stage) but I do wish their father had some involvement. It's certainly harder being the 100% single parent than having someone else on occasion to deal with their issues. That's for me a bigger difference than working or not working, the being divored issue although we were married for 19 years so we did the bringing up children together whilst we both worked full time for almost 2 decades.

Big families are great fun whether you work or don't work. I was talking to someone at a work thing yesterday who was having trouble with her early 20s son and she said my having 5 was better because things were diluted. Wouldn't matter if one were like hers because there were others and you aren't concentrating everything into one, not that our own hopes and careers should be lived out through children. Again even on that ponit is there not a greater risk that the unhappy stay at home mother who always wished they'd done XYZ instead of achieving it happily herself throuhg her work tries to live her life through her children?

Mozhe, I couldn't do it either

pw, very good post.
That sums up how I just can't imagine how anyone could volunatarily choose that role actually but each to their own I suppose. If it matters not two hoots to children's health, psychology etc whether you are there or not why take on a role that is hard to cope with and doesn't benefit children? Always seems bizarre to me. We aren't whipping boys or martyrs. We are competent women.

May be part of this is whetehr people like their work. My father worked full time to 77 years because he loved it - he's a psychiatrist. I can't imagine stopping my work which has lots of different elements to it and I control it and I can over the next 30 years develop it in all kinds of ways at my choice.

I think i would find it tricky meeting the needs of all mine in the evenings if i worked tbh...

...when mine have grown some more then i really can't imagine working out of the home and having the time for help with homework, after school clubs/evening clubs/youth clubs/housework/having me time/me and partner time...

We all have to do things that suit our own lifes don't we. For me childminding is the way to go...i love being surrounded by children all day, some women are just like that, doesn't make them any less intelligent, it means they have patience and it's something that makes them happy so why not just live your lives the way you want..and not ask for opinions on it becasue if you are happy why does it matter what anyone else thinks.

Hang on a minute, mohze is a psychiatrist and xenia's father is a pyschiatrist

am, it isn't necessarily better if you had more time.

What surprises me is people feel threatened or challenged by different views. Now my eldest is 22 and I can see the fruits of our efforts so I don't feel I've done anything wrong. In fact it's people who are constantly guilty and uncertain who are less happy. Just make your choices and have fun at work and at home.

And yes if I didn't work I suppose I might get some nominal maintenance but we'd have a very different life.