Is six children too many ?

[mozhe]

Someone,( a colleague..but I do not know them well ), just stopped me in the corridor at work...noticing I was pregnant they asked me if it was my first, when I told them ,' no, it's my 6th '...they said,' six is too many ', and strod off....Is six too many ?

SueBaroo-i thought you'd been here for years!i dont know why

what awful thread do you speak of?

i think 'newbies' are welcomed here as they are on any other site,unless they sign up for the sole purpose of slagging off MN in general,then they are bound to get the regulars' backs up.

some people like fluff,some like grit.MN is the place for the latter,IME.

sorry mohze your thread has been well and truly hijacked.

SOme stay at home mothers seem to be so defensive about their supposed "choice" they can't take working mothers with large families pointing out the advantages of women working and why it works for us. Working mothers don't seem to feel so threatened when stay at home mothers talk about the supposed (but wrong) damage we do to our children by going back to work. That says it all really.

But it would be dull place if everyone were the same. About 22 years ago I used to go to meetings of what was then the Working Mothers Association - now I think Parents at Work which was useful at the time, particularly the City group because I think those mothers in what some people call "extreme jobs" - not 9 - 5 who have children perhaps have slightly different concerns but in some ways it's more interesting to talk to people who are different from how you are.

p.s. macdoodle I'm a 'newbie' too, and certainly not part of any 'inner circle'. I just think mozhe / Xenia (are they the same person?) post some pretty awful stuff and I enjoy verbally roughing them (singular? plural? So confusiong!) up a bit. That's all.

Xenia, I'm not an SAHM. I know you're busy but your skim-reading is really starting to show. but you're right. It would be dull if we were all the same, as you have pointed out 43 times in the last day or so. * * Breaks into song ... "what the world...needs now...is luuuuurrrrrvvvveeeee la la la..."

You should be a politician. :-)

oh dear I seem to have done it again - I really didn't come to MN to slag it off I don't think it is gritty and stand by my comments (until proven wrong) - if you see my very first thread/post in relationship you can see I came for advice and support which I got
I agree with Xenia though that SOME SAHMs vigorously disapprove of WMs and we are just supposed to accept this but god help anyone who criticises a SAHM - this is in RL as well as here and fairly common...
COI I am working mum (hard job good job well paid)..but now out of choice work part time and FOR me this works best !

I'm a SAHM and do not currently work for several reasons.

I choose to be and would not choose to work in the same way that Xenia or Mohze do.

However, I do not feel patronised at all by their posts (so far in Mohze's case as I have only seen a few of the threads she's on). Why are so many of you soooooo defensive ? You choose to SAH don't you ? You have no reason to feel got at that I can see. I certainly don't.

well said see we can be nice

TM you obv haven't seen the posts saying that sahms and p/t workers are of lesser intellect

some working 'mums' seem so defensive about their choice

I am educated to a high level so there is no 'choice' about it Xenia but i is my CHOICE

I would love to speak my mind on this issue but would undoubtedly be flamed
i fear your lack of social graces means you do not mind speaking your mind irrespective of who you offend

I like my children to spend the day with someone as highly educated as myself
you dont mind yours being with some woman for whom you appear to show no respect or admiration

SHOUTS INTO MEGAPHONE I am NOT repeat NOT an SAHM, so have nothing to be defensive about in that respect. And personally speaking, I couldn't give a monkey's arse if other women work, stay at home, sling crack on a street corner or run away to the effing circus.

loveangel-xenia and mohze are not the same person.xenia has been on MN forever from what i can gather

macdoodle-i didnt mean to imply that you only signed up to slag MN off,i just know theres been a few incindences of that over the last couple of weeks.

im not a SAHM through choice,i have ended up as one through circumstance,and i dont intend to be one forever!

I was referring to the attitude that Xenia often gets when she posts with regards to SAHM/WOHM subject.

Was not meaning you personally .

divastrop, it's because I ooze confidence.

...wait a minute, that's not confidence!!!!

given the right circumstances, I think 4-6 dc is a nice sized family. Doesn't sound excessive to me.

For some reason though to me 7 does.

Mozhe - I think you have got quite a nice life. A big family but not the hard work that goes with it, an interesting job and the wealth to outsource a lot of the mundane jobs. For you I'm sure that 6 children will be joyful.
However you and Xenia both appear to lack humility. It's not like that for most people, for whatever reason. If you both showed more of this I'm sure that your ideas would be taken on board much wider. The reality for most people is that they lack the income to make the going to work smooth. That's what it boils down too. And it ends up with people feeling got at by you both making it sound easy.
I think you both have valuable things to add to mn. If you could find a way to say it that didn't rile everybody, I for one would be grateful.

But what I can't understand is why anyone would have that many children and be so absent from their lives. I know, each to their own, but it doesn't make sense to me.

I find it hard being at home with all of mine, but I believe that i should be here. I am not a cake baking earth mother type, but I have had these children and I should bring them up.

See I still think that is quite judgemental and insulting really - WM's still spend plenty of time with their kids (trust me) - but just IMAGINE if I said that SAHM must be boring stupid and dull cos they just look after kids all day - see thats insulting and would be met with all sorts of righteous indignation ..yet somehow it is right to insult mozhe's lifestyle and choices without a clue as to what her children are like and what her realtionship with them is like

but to have SIX, nope, I don't get it.

Macdoodle, I think for the vast majority of women the idea of having a LARGE family but continuing to work long hours and then having to pay not just for nurseries & childminders & nannies & cleaners but also maternity nurses - people paid to bring your child into the room so you can feed etc etc - very VERY foreign. That's probably because the vast majorty of women aren't rich enough to afford it, and of those who DO have the finanical means, very few would choose that lifestyle. It doesn't make mozhe wrong for living her lfe the way she sees fit, but I do think its 'fair comment' if people say they'd personally find that lifestyle horrible (just as others have been extremely vocal about how yawn-some they'd find the life of a SAHM).

mozhe - aren't you showing your colleagues that all women want to do is have endless kids, thereby putting all women back from being able to break through this "glass ceiling" you and Xenia are so obsessed with?

And as for your apparent obsession with having kids AND having a career to shout about, while deriding SAHM's at every opportunity - do you really REALISE that 'having it all' does not mean as many kids and as much money as possible?

ok that seems fair we all live differently - saying something is different as you have nicely done and scathingly insulting it is vastly different though....TBH the only families I know with more than 4 kids are all on benefits with council houses and neither parent works at all (as they BOTH NEED to stay home with their vast broods which they feel entitled to) this IRKS me much more than either someone like mozhe or SAHM with working husband (or SAHD with WM..) - I enjoy my job thouroughly and am lucky to have a fantastic job that pays well (which I might add I have worked very hard for and trained many years) - BUT I have to work (I am main breadwinner) and have chosen to work part time and have smaller house less holidays etc...but this is my choice and I would not slag off either FT WM or FT SAHM ....

Spot on Mog!

Nobody can have it all..but why can't I ,and others like me, have a big family, a good and worthwhile job and strong views on how we see the future for girls and women ?

Kitty..would it be different if I only had one child ? Would you think,' well she's only a bit of a mother so she might as wll work...' I agree with xenia,( Ithink..sorry also skim reading tonight..)that the 'training' bit of motherhood happens at the beginning with the first couple of children, after that it really is like falling off a log imo...
ActuallyI waited a long time to have children,( that is my one real regret...),as I was working really, really hard,( and I mean at various points 120hr weeks... )at getting somewhere in my profession.I took a huge gamble in starting so late,( 38 ), and I feel very lucky to have been blessed by such a brood...but brood it definitely is and I have to support them and bring them up, it's my responsability.We make different choices in life, but I remain convinced that I have chosen the right ones for me

LoveAngel..anger and are bad for you...perhaps you need to think about your own lifestyle ? maybe the working world is for you too ?

Fair point about humilty...it never was my strong pont

I think she does work ?