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Original poster

Kids caught "playing doctor" other mum furious

233 replies

Isthisnormalfor6yearolds · 13/05/2018 18:58

So I'm horribly confused & frightened now and not sure what to do. My DC's (DS 6, DD 4) spent the day at my DF's house with her two DD's (also 6 & 4). They've all been friends since they were babies, so we're very excited. When I picked them up, all seemed normal. Well a few hours later, my DF calls and tells me that she caught her eldest DD & my DS in the bathroom touching each other. She said she heard my DS ask her DD to lie down and open her legs, and he touched her vagina. He also had his pants off. Apprantely they were laughing and giggling. (When I asked DS & DD later, DS said friends DD asked him to take his pants down first, DD confirms this, and that the two 4 year olds we're opening the door and thought it was all very funny).

DF finished telling me what happened and said she now has to think of her daughter and that my son is no longer allowed near her, and that we can no longer be friends.

I'm in shock. Part of me thinks, that while inappropriate, this whole thing is nothing more than normal childhood doctor. But her reaction has me looking up psychologists for my DS, who has never done anything like this before, as far as I know!

I've been googling signs of sexual abuse but he doesn't fit any of those.

I'm scared and upset 😟 and I don't know who is overreacting.

OP posts:
pickledparsnip · 13/05/2018 20:38

Totally normal. I had a very similar situation with my ds, a friend and her dd. They were both 6 too and friend completely over reacted. Said she had to keep her daughter safe and away from my boy. We had been very close friends for 5 years. I was completely in shock as some of the things she said about ds were unforgivable.

I was really upset for ages afterwards. Was panicking that ds had been abused, and that I was raising a little rapist. That's pretty much what she said.

Unfortunately my friend looked at the situation through adult eyes. She sexualised normal behaviour and overreacted.

summerlovingliz · 13/05/2018 20:39

All perfectly normal, nothing wrong with your ds at all and huge over reaction by your friend.. maybe just a chat to explain private bits

sunshinesupermum · 13/05/2018 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quoted a deleted post.

Grasslands · 13/05/2018 20:58

at this point i didn't know about the access to porn. i didn't learn about that till months later as i went nc.

Mrsfrumble · 13/05/2018 21:10

I'd be furious with My 6yr old if he'd find that and if it was my dd I'd go into protection mode too

Do you mind if I ask why you'd react so differently, based on whether it was your son or daughter? Especially in light of the distinct possibility that the girl was the instigator? Surely if "protection mode" is needed for the child who was initially drawn into the game by the demands of the other, their sex doesn't matter?

I'm uneasy about the idea that boys can't be victims in these situations*. Or have I misunderstood your post?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/05/2018 21:24

I also did this with a male friend at around that age. I remember thinking it was a bit naughty and thrilling but it definitely wasn’t sexual and there was a doctors/nurses thing about it - examining each other down there.

I remember our mums discovered us and we were very embarrassed. They didn’t shout at us but just said that we shouldn’t be doing that, and that was that. Job done.

DS had a problem with another boy touching him through his trousers in juniors but he kept it quiet. Alll I knew DS was reluctant to go into the playground in the morning and I couldn’t understand why. and then another Mum friend told me what her son had witnessed and that’s how I found out. Now that WAS an issue. By juniors they are much more aware and I reported it straight way as clearly there was more to this than mutual discovery at a much younger age while in infants. I reported it to school and they were very good (even though it didn’t stop on just one telling off). School. were persistent though and it did stop and I think they took it seriously as a safeguarding issue for both kids.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/05/2018 21:26

Your friend doesn’t sound educated on normal child development. There is an age that it becomes a concern, but at 6 this is just normal exploration.

Original poster
Isthisnormalfor6yearolds · 14/05/2018 05:29

It’s also absolutely unacceptable that she has treated your DS this way. How dare she?? Who does she think she is?? I’d be livid if she breathed a word to anyone about any of this, because stuff like this spreads like wildfire, affects everybody in the family and sticks around for years. And the more you deny or explain to counter-attack, the worse you come off. She’s put you in a real corner and singled out your boy.

After a sleepless night I'm definitely leaning towards anger towards her now. Especially as I remember that she had an issue with her DD with this and a boy in the park last year. I feel like she's using my DS as a scapegoat.

Frankly, I'm of the opinion now that even if she does realize she's over reacting, a line has been crossed that can't be uncrossed.

OP posts:
Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 14/05/2018 05:42

I had a best friend who was a boy at the same age and several times I persuaded him to take his pants off in the sand pit and wee. I think I did the same Hmm

Is this not completely normal childhood behaviour?

Your friend sound ridiculous

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 14/05/2018 05:45

Agree with a PP that it isn’t sexual. I actually remember it well - I knew it was “naughty” but I don’t remember anything sexual about it.

I think it all stopped about age 7 or 8. (I must remind him Grin)

I feel for you and think your friend has behaved badly

Original poster
Isthisnormalfor6yearolds · 14/05/2018 05:54

Well she's worked quite quickly. I don't know what she's telling people but we are no longer invited to the party. I'm in the bathroom at work crying in the stall now.

OP posts:
Staying · 14/05/2018 05:59

OMG!! She's vile. I'm so sorry. There's NOTHING WRONG with your son. He didn't do anything unusual (nor did her daughter).

She however is an utter bitch. And she must have serious problems. I think you're going to have to speak to her to stop this - and speak to the school before she does.

Original poster
Isthisnormalfor6yearolds · 14/05/2018 06:02

Luckily they don't go to the same school, so I can't see that being an issue. I tried to tell the host of the party DS's side of the story and was told I was mud-slinging. Apprantely he doesn't get a say.

OP posts:
Staying · 14/05/2018 06:02

And something I wondered from yesterday. She said he touched her vagina. Does that mean vulva (external) or is she saying he penetrated her with his finger? I think that's extremely unlikely but if she's telling the story like that there could be big confusion.

NotCisImaWoman · 14/05/2018 06:03

I'd phone nspcc for advice.

Bit odd how she's working so hard to deflect away from her DD. Hmm......

Original poster
Isthisnormalfor6yearolds · 14/05/2018 06:07

Staying from what I understand she meant vulva. There was no penetration.

OP posts:
Staying · 14/05/2018 06:07

Good they're at different schools. If there's any way of the news spreading to the school though, I'd be inclined to speak to the teacher to make sure they know (and not bother if there's not).

Hopefully someone will be here with some experience. The way she told you was so inflammatory you were considering a psychologist so in a way you can't blame other people for believing her.

Did you call the party mum or did they call you?

Staying · 14/05/2018 06:07

I'm pretty sure there wasn't either, what I mean is the way she's telling it.

Original poster
Isthisnormalfor6yearolds · 14/05/2018 06:08

Did you call the party mum or did they call you

She messaged me.

OP posts:
Staying · 14/05/2018 06:11

The thing is, if she's telling people your son was inappropriate then why isn't she reporting him to social services/police etc? Why go around and tell other people? That's kind of a sign that she knows there's nothing wrong with him/you.

What happened with her daughter in the park? Did her mother find her doing the same thing?

Original poster
Isthisnormalfor6yearolds · 14/05/2018 06:13

The thing is, if she's telling people your son was inappropriate then why isn't she reporting him to social services/police etc? Why go around and tell other people? That's kind of a sign that she knows there's nothing wrong with him/you.

Maybe she is? It's been less than 24 hours.

What happened with her daughter in the park? Did her mother find her doing the same thing?
Yes. And she made it sound like it was all the other boy. At the time I didn't question it. Now though...

OP posts:
Staying · 14/05/2018 06:17

I'm so incensed on your and DS behalf I don't know whether to cry ok your behalf (and mumsnet doesn't usually do that to me!) or suggest some revenge to discredit her. Both of which aren't actually useful!

Staying · 14/05/2018 06:23

Hopefully there'll be people along with experience of this soon who can be useful.

I'm totally with you, for what it's worth.

Coyoacan · 14/05/2018 06:23

Yes, I don't see, even if it were something to be ashamed of, why the boy would be automatically to blame. I do think that little girl is going to grow with problems because of her mother's overreaction.

So your friend was minding the children and on her watch they both did something she seriously disapproves of, yet only you and your son are to blame?

Shutityoutart · 14/05/2018 06:27

Op I’ve got 2 boys and I would be so upset if one of mine was being treated like this. It was really innocent curiosity nothing more.
Have you messaged your party friend back to explain?
Just because your child is a boy, he’s getting the blame which is really unfair. Maybe message party friend and put your side across and let her know whilst this is the first time your son has done anything like this, it’s not the first time for your friends daughter so maybe he was following her lead?

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