Kids caught "playing doctor" other mum furious

[Isthisnormalfor6yearolds]

So I'm horribly confused & frightened now and not sure what to do. My DC's (DS 6, DD 4) spent the day at my DF's house with her two DD's (also 6 & 4). They've all been friends since they were babies, so we're very excited. When I picked them up, all seemed normal. Well a few hours later, my DF calls and tells me that she caught her eldest DD & my DS in the bathroom touching each other. She said she heard my DS ask her DD to lie down and open her legs, and he touched her vagina. He also had his pants off. Apprantely they were laughing and giggling. (When I asked DS & DD later, DS said friends DD asked him to take his pants down first, DD confirms this, and that the two 4 year olds we're opening the door and thought it was all very funny).

DF finished telling me what happened and said she now has to think of her daughter and that my son is no longer allowed near her, and that we can no longer be friends.

I'm in shock. Part of me thinks, that while inappropriate, this whole thing is nothing more than normal childhood doctor. But her reaction has me looking up psychologists for my DS, who has never done anything like this before, as far as I know!

I've been googling signs of sexual abuse but he doesn't fit any of those.

I'm scared and upset 😟 and I don't know who is overreacting.

The problem with OTT parents is that their children get to be too scared to tell them the truth.

gussyfinknottle have you actually read the thread?! Or just decided to jump in not having read any of it and through your two cents in.
No one was "fingered". I think you als9 need to reevaluate how you talk about curious 6 year olds because what you've posted is digusting

In the gentlest way, I think both you and the other adults are overreacting to something that is quite normal, childish behaviour. Clearly this woman is batshit, but I think you're being a bit too influenced by the reactions of those so-called 'friends' who have gone along with the story, presumably because they lack all common sense and are completely invested in drama. Stick to your guns, have faith that sensible adults will think that your intepretation of this is more sensible than theirs. And find some better friends!

I would ask her to meet somewhere quiet for a coffee and get a handle on this quickly for both the children’s sakes. The last thing you need is for this to be public!
Tell her it must have been so shocking for her ( let’s face it walking in on that must have been terrible for her) and that you are sorry it has come between you. I would suggest completely supervised play dates until they are older and to put it behind you.
It will be the shock and to be honest you don’t know how you would react in the same situation.
If she still stands by no contact then you have done your best, and this is really something for her to reflect on. I don’t believe by your description that this was sinister just child’s play and a good lesson for the kids about safety.

You actually sound quite unpleasant gussy. Using emotive language like fingered totally inappropriately, and seemingly being proud that your wider family would potential badmouth a 6 yo boy all based on the word of another 6 yo.

If a fellow 6 yo did something inappropriate to mine, I'd protect my child, sure, but i'd also be concerned about the welfare of the other child. Not spreading the news far and wide.

I also don't believe everything my 6 yo says, no questions asked. I've caught my child out in some fibs over the years, and it's enough to make me aware that he's capable - just like other children - of stretching the truth.

Do you have a son, out of interest?

gussyfinknottle did you read through the whole thread?

Why would you even use the word “fingered”? he is 6 years of age! I’ve reported both of your posts.

I’ve read the whole tread, and was involved in the discussion early early on. Prior to further details and further development.
Just saying for some parents this normal exploration is not taken easily and in my case drove me to NC.
It’s not helpful to the primary gut reaction to have the posts deleted just because some are not accepting of this behaviour.

Totally normal for children to be inquisitive. I wouldn't even be too bothered by it. I also don't think the children need to be punished the way your friend is punishing them, they haven't done anything wrong. Go to the party with your head held high. Tell your friend her parenting leaves a lot to be desired as all she's doing is creating hang ups about bodies and sex for when they're older.

I think Spraying reported the post because the poster used vile, sexualised language to describe the actions of a 6 year old (which didn't even happen). Not because it they were "not accepting".

We did this a few times as kids, totally innocent and just curiosity. She has totally overreacted.

I cannot imagine any 6 year old say “Spread your legs and let me look at your vagina”. That is something only an adult would say. It sounds as though this woman’s DD is either being sexually abused by an adult or is witnessing inappropriate behaviour. Perhaps she peeps round her parents’ bedroom door. Maybe her mother is just crazy.

This whole situation is awful for you, your DH and DS. It sounds as though she made it up. Surely a 6 year old would say “Open your legs so I can see your fanny/foof/whatever”? You are quite right to see a lawyer, this woman must not be allowed to get away with making false accusations and spreading vile lies.

OP I am so sorry. You must feel very alone with the potential for gossip in your small community.
I have no explanation for why your friends have ostracised you apart from ignorance which is depressing.
'D'F May have something to worry about that she can't face .
Most of all I am absolutely incensed that your poor child is being treated as some sort of predator or pervert for behaving normally and being male. It's shocking and I really, really feel for you.
Poor little boy and poor you.
I hope you find nicer friends with more sense

Not helpful in any way but have you seen Big little lies? Point being, if her DD is saying this stuff then you have to ask what has happened in your DF's home or to her DD. Although if not, I do wonder why your DF is fixated on abuse.

I hope you've had some sound legal advice, OP

Thanks everyone, we spoke to the lawyer yesterday. She said given the circumstances (i.e. where we live) it's good that we are being pro-active. She said at the moment we should do nothing more than steer clear of her. If she says anything on social media, or in a private message, or if she says anything to DS's school, we need to press defamation charges with the police immediately. It will be up to her to prove what she says is true, and in the courts here the children's testimony won't be accepted and it will only be her word (which isn't enough).

Also spoke to my DM last night. DM was sexually abused at a young age herself, and because of this became a social worker. She's worked with loads of sexually abused children, and we fostered quite a few as well, so she's well aware of the signs. She laughed her head off when I told her what DF had said and done, and reassured me that DS is a totally normal 6 year old boy. She did voice concerns about ex-F's DD though. She's met them, and said she got a bad feeling about exF's Husband. Her instincts are generally spot on.

All in all, after getting my first good nights sleep in the last 3 days last night, I'm feeling a bit more positive. Still super angry and hurt, but more positive. I really don't need drama like this in my life, and perhaps, despite this incident, we've dodged a bullet.

To clarify to the person who said they would believe their DD over my DS, I'm not sure any of this has actually come from her DD. She is saying that this is what SHE heard and saw. And their certainly wasn't any fingering, Jesus Christ.

Thank you for the update OP. I'm glad you feel better after talking to your lawyer and your DM. I hope everything will smooth over soon and you and DC will find a better group of friends.

I'm also concerned about your exF's DD. Are you planning on doing anything to see if she's okay? (I'm sure we're all now afraid for the girl's wellbeing). It definitely sounds like exF is putting all the blame on you and DS so she could turn all the attention away from the possible real problem--her H and DD. If this is true, she is a shitty mother!

I'm also concerned about your exF's DD. Are you planning on doing anything to see if she's okay?

I'm honestly not sure what I could do that wouldn't possibly expose me to a defamation case myself. If I report it will be obvious who did it. It's heartbreaking, but I honestly don't know what to do.

Glad you've spoken to lawyer and feeling a bit more positive after sleep.

Good news, OP.

So hang on- plenty to suggest her DD ‘may’ have been sexually abused including from your own SW mother but all ok for your family now so nothing you can do?

Good god shake yourself
It isnt just ‘heartbreaking’ that little girl could have been exposed it is your duty as an adult to clarify she hasn’t

Speak to a teacher or someone in authority with safeguarding training.

Adults are complicit in child sexual assault when they have concerns but do nothing

I’m so angry

Otho k you really do need to report your concerns about this child. She could be suffering abuse this entire time which has led her to be involved twice now in situations that are questionable.

I don’t think you lot are listening. Culturally, if the op reports or raises a concern, she could be sued for defamation of character.
Yes. It’s shit. But it’s a whole other ball game from anonymously calling ss or a kids helpline who can arrange investigation to protect the child and the whistleblower. In this instance, the whistleblower can go to jail just for the suggestion that someone may be abusing a child.

Is there any way that a concern can be raised anonymously op? It sounds as though you are caught in a very difficult situation with the laws.

You say that if you report it you could be sued for defamation because they could work out it was you? Not sure that's how reporting works- other more knowledgeable posters can say - if the authorities want to build a case to take action, it would be more than this incident that would drive that. Again, others with more wisdom will correct me.