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Original poster

Why do poeple get dissappointed about having another boy??

190 replies

LadyTophamHatt · 15/05/2007 11:14

Yes, I know I was upset about ds4 not being a girl but I found out so I could get it straight in my head. I knew I wouldn't feel sad for long and I didn't but it really comes up such a lot on here.
I don't think I have ever seen a thread when someone is dissappointed with the sex and its a girl.
Ever, not in over 4 years as a MNer.

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macmama73 · 16/05/2007 10:14

Of course you can moan here if you want, that is the great thing about MN.

All I am saying is that I was so happy to get pregnant in the first place and to stay pregnant that it was completely unimportant what sex the baby was.

MorocconOil · 16/05/2007 10:48

I think for me it was about recreating my own childhood and making it better. I thought this would be harder with boys. I do find some of their more male behaviour exasperating. The desire for rough and tumble and their competetiveness streak really pisses me off sometimes, as I can't relate to it.

I also think boy's behaviour is in general more difficult to manage, especially in public as they have so much energy. Mums of daughters often look a bit shocked at what I feel is normal boy behaviour. I sometimes feel a bit judged for not controlling them enough.

MotherRedcap · 16/05/2007 10:52

I think you are a part of your child's life for longer if you have a daughter. Boys do tend to listen to their wives more than their mothers!

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suejonezwillsoonbeKewcumber · 16/05/2007 10:57

my family bucks that view - I think my brother listens to my mum far more than his DW (he is/was a thoughtful, cerebral kind of boy), my sister on the other hand pays far more attention to her DH than our mum and she is an impulsive, competitive, hyperactive woman and was as a child.

It doesn't worry me whether DS treats me as his confidente once an adult, I hope to develop a relationship with him based on shared interests as adults and accept that may mean developing an interest in things I previous hadn't considered. AT 17 months its too early to tell.

hunkermunker · 16/05/2007 10:59

There are many mental mums of MNers who give the lie to the cosy "mother-daughter" relationship people seem to think they're BOUND to have in the future with their girls.

I mean, you might. But, equally, you might have a fab relationship with your future DIL. My soon-to-be SIL calls my mum and dad Mum and Dad - we all love her and she us - it's about being decent people, not about being decent people of particular genders, IMO.

MotherRedcap · 16/05/2007 11:01

Yes I am sure there is evidence that some relationships buck that trend. But I would say in the majority of cases it is true.

barbamama · 16/05/2007 11:03

I must be the exception then as I was very glad to find out during this pg that i was having another boy. I think we will go for 3 and I would be quite happy with 3 boys or 2 boys and a girl. i really don't feel that urge to have a daughter like so many women seem to.

Lullabyloo · 16/05/2007 11:05

All through my pregnancy I was convinced I was having a girl...i felt certain that it was a girl & was told my numerous people that because of dh's age I was far less likely to have a boy
...........I had a boy .....& couldn't have been more delighted...he is fantabulous.
If I were privileged enough to have another child then I would be thrilled to have another boy.

hunkermunker · 16/05/2007 11:08

I actually felt queasy at the thought of there being a potential girl in side me when I was carrying DS1. Didn't know what he was till he was born, but knew he was a boy as soon as I found out I was pg, iyswim. Didn't even occur to me till just before my 20 week scan he might be a girl - someone said "Are you going to find out what you're having?" and I thought "Dur, it's a boy, obviously" then realised I didn't really know for sure!

Didn't feel the same way with DS2 - again, didn't know what he was till he was born, but no idea why I felt like that with DS1. I know it's "wrong" to feel like that, btw, and I'm not having a go at people with DDs, obv. That would be mental (a bit like feeling sick at the thought of being pg with a girl...!).

3andnomore · 16/05/2007 11:09

Hm, oddly, it was only wiht my eldest son that I felt any disappointment, but was glad I found out in advance, by the time he was born I was just looking forward to finally meeting him (gosh, said boy will be 11 years old next one...how did that happen???)...
I must admit, at first it really scared me , the thoguht of a boy...becvause, well, I just wondered what it will be like....strange but true...
anyway, with ms and ys, I wasn't disappointed at all, because by then I had found out just how wonderful Boys can be....of course I would have been equally pleased with a lil girl...but...well...it really didn't matter.
The only thing I miss out on ( I feel) is the buying cute girlie clothes....and I sometimes think, it must be nice to have a daughter when they grow up...you can do things together, and of course, I will always be the wicked MIL that must be kept as far away from the offspring as possible, whilest the maternal grandmother will get all the fun....lets hope my sons find good women that like me, lol!

3andnomore · 16/05/2007 11:12

Oh, just thought of somehting else here...
there is a huge expectation from society that you must be very disappointed when you find out with your 2. and subsequewnt children that they are boys...
the amount of times I have been asked if we are going to try for a girl nexty time...wtf...what next time...surely 3 is enough, right, lol!
Especially with my 3. son I was actually so happy that he was a BOy...because, I thought my ms would already be having a hard time, being a middlechild, and we have some family that were ever so keen on me havibg a girl...am pretty sure he would have been forgotten about then....

barbamama · 16/05/2007 11:13

I made sure that noone was able to make any annoying comments about how I must have wanted a girl second time for one of each, to have my daughter etc as I would have found this upsetting to think that irritating relatives etc would go around saying I must be disappointed - would feel very wrong/disloyal to me as I have always just been so glad to a) get pg and b) to have a healthy baby after having a previous mc and problems conceiving. I found out the sex at 12 weeks and so told all the relatives in the same converstaion as telling them I was pregnant that is was another boy which we were really pleased about as this was our preference, though we didn't mind.

Anecdotally, I have found that the people who get in a state about the gender (I can think of both cases, my friend was very disappointed recently to find she was having another girl as wanted one of each) are people who have never had mc's or problems conceiving/in pregnancy - do you think that could make a difference?

MegaLegs · 16/05/2007 11:15

I just knew DS1,2 and 3 would be boys. I had always imagined myself with three boys. When pg with DS4 I convinced myself he was a girl as the pg was totally different and I had problems and then a CS.

During my two week stay at the hospital we even started calling him she (DH , the MWs and me).

When he was born and they said he was a boy DH and I both said, "are you sure". I dissolved into fits of hysterical laughter (drugs!!) and confessed to DH how relieved I was as I just couldn't see myself with a DD.

I love having four boys, I love being the only girl in the house (grew up as eldest of three girls) I love going out with them all and people commenting and saying, four boys you are so lucky. Some people still ask if we'll have anymore (NO) and do I want to "try for a girl".

Hope DS4 never picks up on the vibe taht people give out when they assume I was dissappointed in him being male. Nothing could be further from the truth.

3andnomore · 16/05/2007 11:16

barbamam...could well be...saying that, I had a mc before and after my es....and still felt a bit disappointed when I found out he weas a boy....and with him, I was actually told I had miscarried again, as I had some bleeding and stupid doctor couldn't see him on the ultrasoud....I suppose emotions can't be controlled...like I said, with me it was more a fear of the unknown, I suppose.

MaloryTowers · 16/05/2007 11:16

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poptot · 16/05/2007 11:17

I think it's because we're female and we feel we can relate to girls. Think if dads were to do a thread it might be different.

hunkermunker · 16/05/2007 11:17

I think all these "oh you must be SO disappointed" tales highlight one point - some people are just fucking thick.

MegaLegs · 16/05/2007 11:18

I had a mc between DS1 and DS2 . I often wonder if that baby was a girl, think my body just doesn't do girls.

Obviously if I had had a DD she would have been loved and wanted too!

MaloryTowers · 16/05/2007 11:22

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barbamama · 16/05/2007 11:24

me too MT

MaloryTowers · 16/05/2007 11:25

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SoupDragon · 16/05/2007 11:51

But the thing is, by the time you have the baby you do just love them and are thankful they're healthy.

MrsLukaKovac · 16/05/2007 16:04

When I found out that this baby (already have ds1) was a boy I felt disappointed because I wanted a girl. When I was trying to sort my feelings out about why I wanted a girl - I realised that it had nothing to do with how I felt about boys, but much more about my own mother. I think I wanted a chance to 'do things differently' (I have quite a difficult relationship with her) and I realised that I'd already planned all the things through a dd's life I would purposefully do differently.

Once I'd accepted that had been going on in my head - all my feelings of disappointment went and now I cannot wait to have two boys and watch them become best friends.

I think the connection between having a daughter and how we feel about our relationship with our own mothers has a lot to do with it.

MrsFish · 16/05/2007 16:07

Megalegs, I have wondered the same thing too, My second was a missed miscarriage with a ds first time round and expecting another ds now. Still haven't decided whether we might try a third time, I guess I'll just wait and see.

Original poster
LadyTophamHatt · 17/05/2007 13:27

I didn't realise this was still going....

When I was PG with Ds4 I started a thread about whtehr to to find out or not, it was pretty split but someone comment (I think soupys) about it still being a surprise, justnot at the end made me wanted to definatley find out.

I burst into tears when I was told I was having a boy so I'm as guilty as the twats that say all the ridiculous comments about wanting a girl.
Anyway, within a a few hours I felt closer and more bonded (bad grammar, sorry) with the boy baby I was growing.

I look back now and naturally think "WTF was I thinking....a girl??...what on earth would I do with a girl??"

Ds4 is the best mistake Dh and I ever made

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