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Original poster

Why do poeple get dissappointed about having another boy??

190 replies

LadyTophamHatt · 15/05/2007 11:14

Yes, I know I was upset about ds4 not being a girl but I found out so I could get it straight in my head. I knew I wouldn't feel sad for long and I didn't but it really comes up such a lot on here.
I don't think I have ever seen a thread when someone is dissappointed with the sex and its a girl.
Ever, not in over 4 years as a MNer.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Gameboy · 15/05/2007 11:59

When DH and I were decided not to go for a third, I was whingeing a bit "But I'll never know what it's like to have a daughter..." to which his reply was, "And nor will I..."

It stopped me in my tracks - I had always assumed he wanted sons, and me daughters... but it wasn't necessarily true!

Porpoise · 15/05/2007 12:00

You see, I don't get the same-sex closeness thing.
I have a sister and we've never got on that well.
My boys get on well (bar the inevitable daily spats) but I think that's more to do with their shared enthusiasms/compatible personalities than their shared gender, TBH

contentiouscat · 15/05/2007 12:01

As long as mine had all their limbs & were healthy I considered myself blessed - I really cant understand this "preference" thing.

The only reason I can see for it really mattering is if you have a medical condition which is gender related.

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ScoobyC · 15/05/2007 12:01

I agree I think it's a female thing. Before I had ds I just could not imagine having a boy and being able to relate to a boy baby. Now I have him I think that was the most bizarre attitude and I can't imagine having a girl and would love another boy.
I just think its what you're familiar with but when you actually have the baby then it doesn't matter what sex they are.

But I do understand the anti-boy thing cos in my heart of hearts (although I didn't admit it to anyone other than dh) it is how I felt before I had ds. But now I am the opposite and would actively like another boy.

Zola78 · 15/05/2007 12:01

I have recently found out that I'm pregnant. I already have two boys whom I love dearly but I have no idea how I'd feel if I had another boy. However, if I'm honest the rational side of me thinks about having a safe delivery and having a healthy baby either way.

VictorVictoria · 15/05/2007 12:04

I struggled to conceive DS 22 months. then I thought "Oh it would be nice to have a girl". Then I thought "Oh he is really lovely, another boy would be great". Then I had two miscarriages in 6 months and to be frank I stopped worrying about boy/girl..........

singersgirl · 15/05/2007 12:19

A midwife said to me minutes after DS2 was born "I suppose you'll have a third now". WTF? I'd only just been stitched up. My DSS is just about to give birth to number 4, a boy after 3 girls, and everyone says "Oh, she must be so pleased." As if the only reason for the fourth child was to try for the oppposite sex. Peopl are weird about this.

I do feel a bit that I might be lonely in my old age when my boys marry/enter civil partnerships/live gay old bachelor lives and don't bother calling. But c'est la vie.

LazyLine · 15/05/2007 12:20

I was desperate to have a boy, and thought I was having a boy. I would have been devastated to find out I was having a girl and fortunately for me, I didn't have to be.

If I were to have another, I would want a boy again. No girls for me, thanks!

dinosaur · 15/05/2007 12:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Gobbledigook · 15/05/2007 12:23

Dunno LTH. I was never bothered either way

Boys rock

MrsApron · 15/05/2007 12:24

if you have a girl i hope you never tell her that Lazyline.

dinosaur · 15/05/2007 12:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LazyLine · 15/05/2007 12:27

Maybe you could come round and tell her for me, Mrs Apron?

Am stating my opinion, in line with the OP.

None of your business, but there will be no more kids, so it won't be an issue, thank you very much.

Fimbo · 15/05/2007 12:27

There is a woman in my village who is pregnant with no5 because she has 4 boys and is desperate for a girl. She says she will keep on going until she gets a girl. She has been to a tarot reading and the person told her they could see a girl and someone else, so now she reckons she is having twins!

Tutter · 15/05/2007 12:28

am pg with ds2

people are already asking if we'll go for no.3, to get a girl

SoupDragon · 15/05/2007 12:28

I desperately wanted a boy first and got DS1, desperately wanted a girl next and got DS2 (loved him dearly as soon as I helld him, obviously!) and was then devastated (devastated is too harsh a word actually) to find out at the scan Babydragon was a girl (yet again, I love her obviously!!) because I thought "A girl? WTF do I do with a girl??"

And I still think "WTF do I do with a girl??" one year on. Luckily she's shaping up to be a thug rather than a delicate girly girl though

It's only because diferent people think and feel different things. In onther countries girls are very much second rate and less sought after than boys aren't they?

OrmIrian · 15/05/2007 12:29

I think that maybe some women want another one of themselves. I know my aunt was seriously depressed for years after he last boy was born - she loved him very much (in fact he was a little over-indulged) but she simply wanted a girl.

I have a different relationship with my DD. Not better, not worse, just different.

I don't think it's about not wanting a girl as such, it's simply coming to terms with your future being different to what you envisaged.

JoolsToo · 15/05/2007 12:29

why are people 'disappointed' with any baby?

Vinegar · 15/05/2007 12:30

I think maybe its only in the "mumsnet community" that it appears that girls are more favoured than boys. In 80%(Asia, Africa, South America, many parts of Europe) of the world, most people would prefer boys.

Some people just feel the need to comment, whether it is about have one child(too little), 4(too many), two girls(ooh wouldn't you like a boy and vice versa if it is two boys). Don't know why people feel the need to comment, a healthy happy child is a gift whatever the sex.

berolina · 15/05/2007 12:30

When the doctor accidentally let ds's sex slip, I had a very brief, sort-of-deflated 'oh' moment, as I'd always imagined myself having a girl first. After that, though, I looked forward happily to my little boy, and only wanted him. Now I'm 22 weeks pg with ds2 - I guessed he was a boy from about week 11 or 12, saw incontrovertible evidence at a very thorough scan I had, and am utterly delighted. We do plan vaguely to have a third a few years down the line, so I suppose I do have an idea that a girl is possible someday and I would like one, but after 3 mcs in total I know not to take that for granted, and am just looking forward to my boy.

I do think there is some kind of 'cultural' bias towards girls atm, which is quite often based on stereotypical ideas which are in many ways almost as harmful to girls as to boys - that girls are nicer, more frilly, quieter, more manageable.

SoupDragon · 15/05/2007 12:45

I don't think they're ever actually disappointed with the baby, Jools, it's more a case of being disappointed for the one you didn't get. I think it's very rare indeed for someone to actuall look at their baby and be disappointed with them. I know with DS2 it was more a case of being disappointed with the fact that I wouldn't have a daughter - I still loved him immensely and never felt disappointed in him for being a boy..

SparklyGothKat · 15/05/2007 12:52

I really really want this baby to be a boy.. I will be disapointed if its a girl I really want to find out the sex at my 20 week scan so I can get my head around it if it is a girl, but DH wants a surprise

berolina · 15/05/2007 12:54

oh congratulations sparkly!

OrmIrian · 15/05/2007 12:57

Yes, that's it soupdragon. Disappointment abput that little girl/boy that isn't there, rather than the beautiful baby that is

SparklyGothKat · 15/05/2007 13:01

thanks berolina I know its sounds terrible that I don't want a girl, but I have 2 dd's and they are a nightmare, my Ds is lovely, but can be nightmare too

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