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Original poster

Why do poeple get dissappointed about having another boy??

190 replies

LadyTophamHatt · 15/05/2007 11:14

Yes, I know I was upset about ds4 not being a girl but I found out so I could get it straight in my head. I knew I wouldn't feel sad for long and I didn't but it really comes up such a lot on here.
I don't think I have ever seen a thread when someone is dissappointed with the sex and its a girl.
Ever, not in over 4 years as a MNer.

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SoMuchToBits · 15/05/2007 13:01

When I was expecting my (one and only) ds, I did really want a girl. But that was only beacuse I am quite a girly girl, from a family of three girls, with a dh who is not a typical "macho" type man. I just thought "what on earth do you do with a boy? - I have no experience of them."

However, I do love ds to bits, and as a baby they aren't much different anyway, and the rest just sort of evolves. I'm lucky that ds isn't too boisterous, as I would have found that hard to cope with, but he is into some other usual boyish things (fire engines, building stuff) and I have just learned to become interested in them.

suedonim · 15/05/2007 16:36

When I was pg with no3 I already had two ds's and really, really wanted another boy. (I know it's because my mum always preferred boys )

I was in tears when dd1 popped out as I had no idea what to do with a girl and was terrified of her. But within hours I was besotted and when I was pg with no4 was delighted to find I was haing another dd.

Avalon · 15/05/2007 16:49

To me, as the mum of 3 girls, I always think boys are the favourite flavour of mumsnet.

Look how many people on this thread alone have knocked girls. How many have knocked boys?

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saltire · 15/05/2007 17:02

Interesting thread. In my group of friends at home there are 3 of us (myself included) who each have two boys. Another three each have 2 girls. One has one of each.
The 3 of us who have boys were asked the following questions
"Are you going to try for a girl if this is a boy?"
"You'll be hoping for a girl this time then?"
but the questions were never reversed and asked to the ones who had girls.

I also get annoyed when out clothes shopping and there are umpteen rails of clothes and shoes for little girls and then a rail of jeans and fleeces for boys!
But I am not , or ever have been disappointed with my boys

MrsFish · 15/05/2007 17:04

Just had scan this afternoon, I'm having another Boy YAY!

mumto3girls · 15/05/2007 17:06

have 3 dd's ( as the name may tell you) when I was expecting dd3 I swaer I'd be rich if I had a £ for every person who said 'fingers crossed for aboy this time eh?' or 'I bet you're praying for a boy'

I wasn't and Dp wasn't. We never wanted to find out the sex and we were thrilled when we had her.

Now I am pg again...and no doubt when we tell people ( touch wood it will get that far ) I just know we'll have all the same rude unwelcome and incorrect comments and assumptions.

Bethbe · 15/05/2007 17:09

I think many people just want to experience both and feel that they be missing out if they don't!

I have a ds1 though and would probably prefer a girl next time, but I know I would be thrilled if it was another boy like my DS - he's gorgeous!

yomellamoHelly · 15/05/2007 17:25

Wanted a girl initially, got ds1. Wanted a girl again 2nd time, got ds2. LOVE my boys and wouldn't want it any different.
If we end up with another I'd actually want another boy this time (though goodness knows what we'd call it - 1 was bad enough, 2 seemed virtually impossible). Boys are fab.

I'm nr 2 and my mum was actually disappointed when I came along. She wanted my older brother to have a "friend" and being a girl I obviously would never be . So when the next 2 were both boys she stopped because "at least they'd got each other" and if - horror another girl arrived on the scene she'd have no-one (Mad as a hatter in that line of thinking if you ask me!)

paddyclamp · 15/05/2007 22:23

I've got one of each - had a boy then a girl. Boys are great and so are girls. Can't understand people who knock one or the other.

I think more people knock girls than boys, but maybe that's in response to more people coming on disappointed cos they are having another boy.

DS is a stereotypical boy, lively, sporty, loving etc. DD is not a bit girly thank god, no girly tat in our house. She's v loving and v chilled out. Lots of people who have 2 the same say they both have different personalities

NotanOtter · 15/05/2007 22:29

the faces i have pulled at me when i tell folk i have four boys
breaks my heart

Rachmumoftwo · 15/05/2007 22:42

I have 2 girls, and am very happy with them. I was shocked when MIL asked if I was going to try again so I could give her DS a boy- like I had shortchanged him or something. Like he cares, he dotes on the girls, although he is a bit fed up of pink now they are 4 & 5! Some people just don't think you can be happy with your lot. As long as you are fine they can sod off!

Tommy · 15/05/2007 22:53

after I had DS3, a friend of my MIL said (to me) "What a shame it wasn't a girl..."

I think it was the most offensive thing anyone has ever said to me actually.

JodieG1 · 15/05/2007 22:56

I wanted a boy first but I wanted one of each anyway. I had a girl first and was very pleased. With my second I though it was a girl but scan said boy and I was very happy. With our third we were told a boy and I was really happy. I just didn't care as long as they were healthy. I love my boys and my girl I was never unhappy about having a boy ever, they are all such blessings.

Babyramone · 15/05/2007 23:11

I always wanted a son and when pregnant with DS thats all I imagined.
I come from a very female family, Lots of girls interspaced with the odd boy. Think this was my reason for wanting boy so much. I also imagined walking along with my wee boy skipping ahead.(so cute)
When pregnant with DD I was convinced she was a boy because I couldn't imagine a girl.
When she was born I got quite a shock. The midwife held her up, said look what you've got and I remember thinking god that looks like a vagina. I then said Is it a boy.
Will never live that down.
I even had a wee sad thought about the wee boy who never excisted, who I'd totally built up in my head.
Having said that I bounded with DD so much quicker than with DS and can't imagine life without her. She's fab
In response to the mimi me theory, I sort of agree, DS is spit of DH and DD is spit of me, same colouring etc.
Saltire that annoys me about shops also, my local tesco has wads of girls clothing and a piddly wee range for boys.

Pinkchampagne · 15/05/2007 23:28

I agree that boys seem to be the less desired sex. I seem to hear of far more cases of mothers being upset after finding out they are expecting a boy than the other way around, on here & in RL.

I can't really understand it myself. I have two boys, and love them both to pieces!

KerryMum · 15/05/2007 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slimmerjim · 16/05/2007 09:26

I have bbgb and of course wouldn't change anything. Didn't want to find out the sex either for any of them. We thought the "surprise" was my reward for going through labour. When ds3 was born an aquaintance said "Oh another boy. Well at least you have one girl" It just made me want to cuddle my lovely newborn boy all the more !

And fwiw my dd is tomboyish and has shown no interest whatsoever, in spite of my offering her lessons, in ballet, ponyriding or any other of the typically middle class girlie activities on offer. Recently when choosing sandals, she shunned most of them as being "too flimsy; no good for climbing trees ". She is 8. I sometimes feel I have 4 boys anyway, in terms of their activity and energy levels.

pucca · 16/05/2007 09:30

Funnily enough and i don't know why, i could never "see" myself with a boy, i had a dd first then now i have ds, and i must admit ds is a sweetie pie! very sensitive and a real "mummy's boy".

I think it the old thing of women want a girl men want a boy!

suejonezwillsoonbeKewcumber · 16/05/2007 09:32

boys are much harder to place for adoption. It's the reason I (reluctantly) accepted a boy because had I insisted on a girl I would have waited longer and I couldn't bear the wait a moment longer. Now I'm so horrified that I might have missed out on DS.

Older non-caucasian boys are virtually unadoptable . Its why I find it so sad to see Angelina Jolie getting such grief for adopting a 3 year old Asian boy, whatever you think of her, she was possibly his only chance of a permanent home.

NineUnlikelyTales · 16/05/2007 09:37

suejonez I didn't know that, how sad

I must admit to having wanted a girl and feeling a small flicker of disappointment when I found he was a boy. What a stupid idiot I was and how guilty I feel now, because he is beautiful and wonderful in every way and I wouldn't change any bit of him.

I think that male-ness in our culture is going through a big crisis.

suejonezwillsoonbeKewcumber · 16/05/2007 09:43

blimey I don't feel guilty about wanting a girl - I didn't understand how I would feel about DS and so I wasn't well informed enough to really be making a rational decision.

Interestingly one of the theories about why boys are less popular for adoption (85% of adopters initally request a girl I'm told but no evidence of that) is that men find it easier to accpet the idea of a non-genetically related daughter than son. I couldn't beleive this and questioned a frined who said he could understand that and might possibly feel the same.

Chattyhan · 16/05/2007 09:47

I can't comment on being disappointed it's a girl but the reason i wanted a girl is because i wanted a mini me - someone i could associate with, knew why they were upset and that the little things are not trivial for us girls. I have a hard time understanding boys and i would love to help my daughter through boy upsets, period pains, pregnancy...
with my DS i'll always be there for them but part of me feels i won't know where they're coming from!
i agree that i wasn't upset i'm having a boy i'm upset i'll never have a daughter.

Boys are great but i'd have liked a girl too!

Mog · 16/05/2007 09:50

I think in most cases the reality is that daughters will by and large turn to their mums for help/advice when they leave home whereas boys will go to their partners.
Now don't jump on me for this, but look around and many of us will have our mums visit in the first weeks after birth, give them priority with the grandchildren (even if we do that subtly), will just include them more in our lives than dh's mother. I think that's why a lot of people want girls. And I think there is some truth to this.
I've got a girl and 2 boys.

macmama73 · 16/05/2007 10:01

I have just been reading some of the ttc and miscarriage posts. I think the mumsnetters on there would have absolutely no sympathy for this thread. I had two mcs before my DD came along, followed 2 years later by DS

FGS, we are so lucky to have 2 healthy gorgeous kids, who gives a damn if boys or girls?

suejonezwillsoonbeKewcumber · 16/05/2007 10:06

I was never able to get pregnant despite many years of fertility treatment and I don't have an issue with this thread. You can't not allow people to feel what they feel because other people are worse off. That way no-one would ever be allowed to maon about having a cold, being hungry in fact having any feelings that weren't serious and trumped anyone elses "lesser" issues.

I had a friend moaning about being unable to have a second when I was desparate to have a first - of course I secretly felt that my pain was worse but wouldn't ever have dreamed of saying it to her. Of course it wasn;t tactful of her to say it to me but I wouldn't censor her from saying it on a website!