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Parenting

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Original poster

SAHM's with a nanny?

119 replies

FernLove · 17/02/2018 11:42

Hi Everyone,

I was wondering how many SAHM's have a nanny? Whether it be one day a week / a couple of half days a week or the whole time?

My husband and I were just chatting about when we have a baby (TTC) and he said he thinks it would be a good idea to eventually organise a nanny for one day a week or one or two half days a week to give me some "me time". I was very surprised about this!

Thoughts?

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thethoughtfox · 17/02/2018 11:57

All that matters is what you think. If you want it, need it, can afford it, and find someone you trust and your child likes, then do it. It will be very difficult for someone to bond with and build a relationship with your child over one day a week, though. And it is difficult when the mother is in the house as the child will cry for the mother and the nanny has little chance of being able to settle them. I've read this a lot on threads where mothers work from home and are considering a nanny.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 17/02/2018 12:00

Thoughts?

Honestly, I'd think you were lazy if you were my friend. I can see having a nanny for a period of severe ill health or you were working from home but not for time off when you don't even have a job.

Chienrouge · 17/02/2018 12:01

I know SAHM’s who send their DC to nursery a day/a couple of days a week to get a break but don’t know any who have a nanny.
I think it would be fairly hard to properly relax if the baby/nanny are in the house. I know if it was me I’d want to go down and take over if the baby was crying/wouldn’t settle etc. Also, I’m not sure how many nannies would want a 1-2 day job?
Nothing wrong with it in principle though.

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Tiredstressed · 17/02/2018 12:04

I certainly wouldn’t think that you were lazy. If you are happy with the idea - go for it.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 17/02/2018 12:06

I'd wait and see. You might not want a nanny when the time comes. Or it might be a total godsend.
There is nothing wrong with getting help if you want it. I had a lot of willing babysitters in the form of grandparents when mine were tiny, so I had time to do my own thing, but if you don't have that support or you would prefer something more structured and regular, then why not?
Ignore people who say it's lazy. Everybody needs some time to just do their own thing. And it's handy having childcare at a regular time so you can do things like have a smear test by yourself

ScreamitDreamit · 17/02/2018 12:06

everyone is entitled to me time, but in the case of SAHM's sounds like your DH may be using this to relieve himself of childcare duties! If he's prepared to step up evenings and weekends, there should be lots of time for you to spend on you, plus the money saved will give yourself a chance to have some fun :)

Tiredstressed · 17/02/2018 12:09

Or her DH wants her to have some time for herself? Both parents should have some time - being at work is hardly leisure time.

greendale17 · 17/02/2018 12:16

Honestly, I'd think you were lazy if you were my friend. I can see having a nanny for a period of severe ill health or you were working from home but not for time off when you don't even have a job.

😉^This

AuntLydia · 17/02/2018 12:21

I wouldn't think you were lazy at all. Nobody will give you a medal for doing things the hardest way possible. I agree with waiting to see how you feel though, and also that a nanny might not work for the reasons others have outlined. I think what we'd have aprreciated more as new parents would have been a cleaner a couple of times a week so we could just focus on the baby and chill out when we weren't getting enough sleep. We'd have also liked a regular trusted babysitter so we could go out once in a while - we had no family nearby.

Love51 · 17/02/2018 12:26

We did everything ourselves, mainly me. 2 under 2, no childcare except when I was at work, grandparents had jobs and were not geographically close. And to this very day I still haven't received my medal! We didn't earn enough for a nanny, and at the time I wouldn't have used one. Looking back, yes, go for it if you want. A bit of wiggle room in your life us a good thing. Ignore those that think you have to martyr yourself. Many people get grandparent help, others get none and can't afford paid help, but if you have the money, use it how you see fit. It isn't a less moral use of money than a hobby, a cleaner or a holiday.
Having said that I breastfed my pfb for a long while so a nanny wouldn't have helped. I'd have gladly had a cleaner / laundry service though. However, just coz I wouldn't have, it doesn't mean others shouldn't!

Original poster

FernLove · 17/02/2018 12:39

Thanks for all your comments, as I don't even have a baby yet who knows how I will feel when the time comes :-) Additionally, showing my lack of experience - I didn't think about the bond between the carer and baby and how long that would take if it was just for one day a week! So thank you for reminding me of that!!

I honestly don't mean to suggest it because I am lazy - it's that we don't have any parents or family with us - we live 5 hours away from everyone. So no grandparents or aunties and uncles would be around to help. It would literally be just my husband and I and the odd friend. (We moved away for work and still don't have a group of friends here).

Taking the above into account, raising a child in our situation could potentially be very hard and a bit isolating for both of us. DH would obviously be working full time. I would have to find mum and baby classes to try and make friends and there aren't that many where I live.

My husband's suggestion of finding a nanny would be for me to go out - not to be at home whilst a nanny or babysitter is there. It would be for me to have a regular day where I can walk into town / go to the gym / go shopping without baby in tow. We won't ever be able to drop baby off with any family etc. They would have to come visit us for a weekend if we ever needed real help!!

OP posts:

OldJoseph · 17/02/2018 12:45

I use to pay my childminder for a day I didn't work. It allowed me to give the house a clean, sort put paperwork etc. It was a bit of a luxury, but I needed some time to myself, in the house and I had no local help from family.

Pinky333777 · 17/02/2018 12:46

Why not?!
I agree it's hard for a nanny when parents are around, especially just for one day a week where it would take much longer to build an attachment.
But why not use a nanny to take your baby out to an activity, like swimming, or baby gym class, music classes etc if you want to be at home. Or leave baby and nanny at home and you go out.

I personally would think a childminder or nursery might benefit your child a little more as they will have the opportunity to socialise, learn a little independence and do a variety of fun activities. But again, it might be hard for them to settle in for only one day a week.
It's not lazy to want some time for you.
I think it's quite healthy actually, and you getting a break could help you be a better Mum, especially during some of those more challenging times. Gives you a chance to come back relaxed and refreshed.
Go for it!

NeverTwerkNaked · 17/02/2018 12:46

I wouldn’t think you were lazy at all.
I think it is very unhealthy to never get any “me” time, and no one needs to be a martyr to parenthood.

all my relatives live 100 s of miles away and my parents offered to pay for a nanny to give me a break one day a week. In the end I found a house keeper and DD went to nursery 2 mornings a week until I went back to work. It meant I could catch up on sleep / peace more easily than with a nanny in the house.

There’s no medals for not taking a break and both you and your children will benefit if you take care of yourself too

Original poster

FernLove · 17/02/2018 12:46

Sorry meant to add - the cleaner thing 100% makes sense to me if no childcare. Would be wonderful to dedicate time to being a mum and enjoying baby than having to worry about cleaning!

I don't mean it to sound like we have lots of disposable income - we don't :-) it was just a conversation we had and I was surprised how my husband was keen for me to get "time off" from being a SAHM. He genuinely meant it so I could take care of myself once a week which I thought was very thoughtful of him.

OP posts:

NeverTwerkNaked · 17/02/2018 12:47

Almost all my sahm friends use either some form of childcare or some type of family help to ensure they get a break.

NeverTwerkNaked · 17/02/2018 12:48

Cleaner is a good-ish option as you then aren’t rushing around as much while baby naps. But then nursery / nanny would mean you can get out and about.

Klobuchar · 17/02/2018 12:50

Who cares what other people think? Do what’s right for you. I’m a SAHM and my daughter went to nursery every morning from after her first birthday, I wish I had taken her sooner, it was good for both of us.

Original poster

FernLove · 17/02/2018 12:52

Thanks ladies. I agree I think it is very important to have "me time" - whether you have children or not. It would be wonderful to be able to afford a bit of help but not everyone can.

We have siblings who live near our respective parents and they get a lot of help from them. We on the other hand will never have that privilege unless we move back. I'm hoping one day we will but it depends on the job situation!

OP posts:

katienana · 17/02/2018 12:53

I think a nanny would be unusual for adhoc requirements, a childminder would probably suit you better. I think it's nice your dh has thought of this, it can be hard to do things like dentist or haircut as a sahm as you don't always want to fit it all in on a weekend.

hollowtree · 17/02/2018 12:53

If I could afford it- I would want this life!

Paintspotsonthefloor · 17/02/2018 12:54

I think it is a good idea and very perceptive of your husband to realise that this might be something you want. Though I also agree with others that you may not want to do this when the time comes. You may a,so find it very hard to find a nanny wanting to do those hours.

My situation was a bit different, it took me until I had my third child, but I nearly went under managing three small children, living in a new location, husband working away from home a lot, family not accessible. What saved me was when my neighbour, a childminder with nanny qualifications, offered to take my youngest one morning a week whilst my middle child was at playgroup and the eldest was in Reception, mornings only. It was a 3 hour period, every week, which I knew was just for me. I often didn't do anything more than sleep for those 3 hours, but mentally, it was lifesaver. I think I might have had a breakdown without it.

PoisonousSmurf · 17/02/2018 12:55

Maybe not a nanny, but maybe use a childminder or nursery? When DD1 was 9 months old I used to send her to a childminder for 8 hours once a week and in that time I would do a lunchtime 'meals on wheels' for the local community, this would take about 3 hours in total, then I'd do the weekly shop and spend a few hours in peace and quiet at home.
As long as you've got the money, then go for it!
Not everyone has willing relatives who would want to look after the grandkids.
At the time, both sets of grandparents were ill and the great grandparents were just too old (90s), to look after a small child.
I was also lucky that DH would step in to help for half a day at the weekend.

HotCrossBunFight · 17/02/2018 12:56

I wouldn't think you were lazy, any unkind comment would, I think, be from jealousy. I'd be quite jealous!

Being a SAHM us quite all consuming as you tend to never ever get a break. A half day off would be great.

SummerSazz · 17/02/2018 12:56

I had no family around but went to a gym which had a crèche - there was also a hairdresser on site. I used to go in the afternoon - drop dc off, have a swim, jacuzzi & sauna and a shower (on my own - you will realise what a treat this is once you have dc 😂) and then go and pick them up fully refreshed. It was great and cost £10 a month!!

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