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Original poster

SAHM's with a nanny?

119 replies

FernLove · 17/02/2018 11:42

Hi Everyone,

I was wondering how many SAHM's have a nanny? Whether it be one day a week / a couple of half days a week or the whole time?

My husband and I were just chatting about when we have a baby (TTC) and he said he thinks it would be a good idea to eventually organise a nanny for one day a week or one or two half days a week to give me some "me time". I was very surprised about this!

Thoughts?

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pombal · 17/02/2018 17:31

If I had the money I would have a nanny and a cleaner and stay at home.

I think the difficulty in being a SAHM is the isolation.
People weren’t meant to be at home all day alone with a baby with no family close by.

It takes a village to raise a child or something like that but if you don’t have that - hire a nanny.

Original poster
FernLove · 17/02/2018 17:34

People weren’t meant to be at home all day alone with a baby with no family close by

Not everyone's life is perfect I guess...! Hmm

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Shutupanddance1 · 17/02/2018 17:41

I live abroad and literally everyone I know has a nanny when they have a baby. I’m actually probably the exception as I don’t have one, I felt like I didn’t need the help. People mainly have them as they don’t have any family support/help here tho so I suppose it all balances out.

Not lazy at all in my eyes.

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RoryAndLogan · 17/02/2018 17:44

It might depend a lot on what sort of baby you have. Some of my friends have really easy babies and can get lots done. Mine is particularly high needs and I struggle to keep on top of housework in the week when it's just me. I've considered getting a nanny one day a week to allow me to get everything done but ultimately we're ticking by and I don't think it's worth it. I'll get more 'me time' when I'm back at work and as the baby is bigger and more independent so I'm just waiting for that.

MsJuniper · 17/02/2018 17:59

My friend had twins and was a SAHM. She had a "mother's help" who came in for a few hours each day to help with housework, share the load or mind the children for a while so my friend could get some shopping etc done. They had a lovely relationship and it seemed a great setup.

Another friend who works p/t was going to get a nanny but decided what she wanted was to maximise her time with the children so she employed a kind of housekeeper who did cleaning, ironing and general stuff which freed up my friend's time and headspace.

I work f/t and have a cleaner which is a stretch financially but it makes a huge difference to our lives.

halfwitpicker · 17/02/2018 18:04

It's irrelevant if you have lots of disposable income or not. If you want a nanny, get one. Your choice.

wheresmycake · 17/02/2018 18:18

Surely childcare outside the home (nursery or childminder) would make more sense than a nanny so you don't feel like you have to leave the house if some days you would rather just watch tv.

Hownow39 · 17/02/2018 18:20

That's your husband saying 'don't expect my help'

onlyonaTuesday · 17/02/2018 18:23

I would go for a cleaner, maybe having someone doing the ironing and nursery one day a week for a bit of you time.
Do what is right for you op.

Original poster
FernLove · 17/02/2018 18:23

Hownow39

How could my husband help me on a Wednesday afternoon say, if he is at work anyway?

I just have a nice husband.

OP posts:
princesssparkle1 · 17/02/2018 18:26

Imo husbands who do the 'stay at home mum but have a nanny' thing are having an affair

Brittanyspears · 17/02/2018 18:27

I’d say do it. Its hard if you don’t have family to help out.

Original poster
FernLove · 17/02/2018 18:28

princesssparkle1
Haha I sure hope not when my time comes round! Grin

OP posts:
Upsidedownandinsideout · 17/02/2018 18:40

How lovely of your DH to be so supportive and appreciative already of how big a change this can be, especially with no support.. We also have no family close by and have had a brief experience of SAHM with nanny when I had to go off on maternity leave early while pregnant with DC2 and as we were keeping the nanny until end of month 1 I ended up with some quite luxurious weeks! Personally I wouldn't have done with DC1 as having another person in the house - even a lovely one like our nannies have been - can be quite obtrusive. It might work better if you were not very confident, I've seen some friends with post natal health issues have lovely maternity nannies who can gently give great advice.

Also think it would work well if your partner works away or late a lot so you never have much help.

Personally I'd try to line up all the family help you can in the first few weeks, and then play by ear if you are really needing rest or guidance then you can get a good night / maternity nanny at quite short notice. Instead if I had funds - sadly we now have more kids than funds!! - I would spend my money on getting cleaning and ironing help and if your DH works long hours maybe a 'mothers help' type person who could come in a couple of half days to help with food prep, letting you take a shower in peace, do general life admin and maybe pop out to have an occasional baby free coffee or appointment (personally I was rubbish at being separated, though practically I think the babies would have been fine!).

PlateOfBiscuits · 17/02/2018 18:41

I used to be an early morning nanny.

One day a week I’d look after a newborn from 5am until 9/10am. Loved it.

At first it gave the mum the chance to sleep and shower and feel a bit more herself. And then as time went on she started using the time to go the the gym as well.

FartnissEverbeans · 17/02/2018 19:19

Honestly, I'd think you were lazy if you were my friend.

Oh my God, who gives a shit?

Do it OP. I've got a 16mo and I would do it. Plenty of SAHMs have their kids in nursery for a few hours - how is a nanny any different?

Actually I'd probably rather have a cleaner. I have someone who comes in every day for a few hours to cook and clean and she's amazing. She can do childcare too but we haven't asked for that yet.

I'm a lazy cow but I have a nice tidy house

Fundays12 · 17/02/2018 19:32

I personally wouldn’t have a nanny if I was a SAHM especially as I prefer my kids with me. We don’t have much help so I am not used to anything different and I don’t really like handing my kids over to anyone when there babies. However I would have a cleaner as babies create lots of washing, drying, ironing, cleaning of bottles, extra visitors create mess so if I had a cleaner I could actually rest when my babies did.

I agree with other posters though see how you feel first you might not want to part with your baby.

Booboostwo · 17/02/2018 20:11

I am SAHP and had a helper for three years, while DD was young, then I fell pregnant with DS and then DS was a baby/toddler. I said she was a helper as she was not a nanny, but together we did a variety of jobs including cleaning and all household chores, childcare and the animals (which include horses). I also had a bit of time to do some work but as and when. Now the DCs are a bit older (6 and 3) and I can get everything done myself as they are mainly at school. I do miss the convenience of having the help though, especially as DH works abroad a lot and in emergencies things get a bit difficult when I am on my own.

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/02/2018 20:15

My thoughts would be, in the early days you really might not appreciate a stranger around in the daytime with you and your small baby. If you're talking when they're older then I'd just think it unnecessary. I wouldn't want it myself.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 17/02/2018 20:17

I'm a SAHM and if my daughter didn't go to her childminder one day a week I would have been much more ill with my PND than I was. DH occasionally takes that day off too and we have date days. A cleaner was no use to me as they never did it my way. And we didn't, and still don't like to go out in the evenings because we're complete homebodies.
If you can afford it, find a good solution that works for your family and go for it. Our CMC has already volunteered to take DD when I go to hospital for the next one.

Roseandmabelshouse · 17/02/2018 20:18

I am a sahm and while I don't have a nanny we have paid to put our children in nursery from around 2 a couple of times a week.

It's been a really lovely balance and I appreciate I'm very lucky to have the choice. My preference is nursery over a nanny as the children get to socialise and learn some independence ready for school.

But I don't work during this time, it is for me to enjoy some space.

Shalva1970 · 17/02/2018 20:22

Makes perfect sense if you can afford it, I had help in everyday for a few hours for the first few months. We live abroad with no family nearby, plenty of my friends have live in nannies/maids/helpers depending on their setup and most of the mums don’t work.
My school run went from 10 minutes to an hour and I’m struggling to enjoy/entertain the toddler and keep up with the house work now I don’t have anyone.
Absolutely do it. You’ll find the right fit for your family when the time comes.

gillybeanz · 17/02/2018 20:26

OMG, some really jealous folks on here Grin
OP, if we could have afforded it we would have had a nanny for a day, or some form of childcare. I'd have loved a cleaner a couple of hours a week too, but it wasn't to be.
It's hard when you don't have family around for support, we were lucky as lots of sahm's when our dc were little, so no need for nursery or pre school, and we did get a break from kids for a couple of hours.
If it works for you it really is nothing to do with anyone else.
Maybe, your dh does need to realise that he will be needed to parent as well, have you talked about his role as a parent?

WildWindsBlowing · 17/02/2018 20:51

Imo husbands who do the 'stay at home mum but have a nanny' thing are having an affair
I don't know why you say this. If they can afford to help their wives in this way I think they are being particularly considerate and value their wives' freedom to have some time to themselves if possible. Probably they are spending time with their wives when they are home from work, they can go out together more, & their wife won't be so tired.

Original poster
FernLove · 18/02/2018 10:04

Maybe, your dh does need to realise that he will be needed to parent as well, have you talked about his role as a parent?

I'm a little confused why a few PPs have said things like this.

How can my Husbands kind suggestion to get me a little "help" during the week for me to have "me time" be misinterpreted as him not actually planning on being a parent or helping to raise our child?

He just genuinely suggested it so every week i'd have time to go to the gym, go for a walk, have a coffee, go shopping, get my nails done, or just take a break from being a mum.

I'm very lucky and my husband works near home so he leaves the house at 8:45am and can be home by 6pm if he isn't busy at work. He will be around a lot when we have kids which will be amazing!

Maybe I am being naive but of course he knows that when we have a child he will have responsibilities and he will help me / give me time off when he's at home.

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