SAHM's with a nanny?

[FernLove]

Hi Everyone,

I was wondering how many SAHM's have a nanny? Whether it be one day a week / a couple of half days a week or the whole time?

My husband and I were just chatting about when we have a baby (TTC) and he said he thinks it would be a good idea to eventually organise a nanny for one day a week or one or two half days a week to give me some "me time". I was very surprised about this!

Thoughts?

@FernLove It might just be because he's such an easy baby. Bit trickier as a toddler but still pretty good! He has a long nap after lunch where I get things done so I don't really feel like I'm missing out. I imagine if he had colic/reflux was a screamer or didn't nap I'd want some time alone.

Three of my local SAHM friends have a great arrangement - they found a nanny housekeeper who is self-employed (which saves you all the paye and pension hassle) as she works part time for several families.

At the moment she’s helping family A from 7am till 10am, family B from 10.30 till 3, and family C from 3.30 till 7 so they are all getting a few hours of help with the children or with housework depending on what they need that day. Also means they each have regular slots they can use for appointments etc. That seems to work well!

Consider whether you might want you me time to include continuing to work or train, to preserve your earning potential in the future. And make sure your financial security is preserved for the future. Just because some people regret the sudden inequality that how we split care for DC can bring, and don't realise the implications until too late (earning potential, pension, access to own money, finances after divorce if happens). I think it is good that you are both thinking of how things might be.

Even if you get help inn the week, make sure DH has baby on his own some times over the weekend too, it's good for their bond but also to show DH he can do it himself.

There's things like NCT classes where you can meet other mothers so you feel less isolated.

My friend found an au pair who looked after school aged children so was free in the day. She did a morning a week, at first with my friend there then without.

I don't know what sort of SAHM you mean - do you mean you won't work at all until they go to nursery/ pre school at 3 years old/ start school at 4?

I would think it was fine and normal for you to use some childcare before that in order to keep yourself sane/ think about future work etc

There is always a race to the bottom on mumsnet 'oh I managed looking after 5 children under 5 and nobody helped me, my husband worked on an oil rig and I only have one leg'

I mean who gives a fuck if you managed that - does that mean nobody should enjoy help in raising their child?

Do whatever the fuck you want and what works for your family and feel no guilt about it whatsoever!!! It takes a village to raise a child and many women get depressed because they feel they can't reach out for help.

Not that unusual round me. Sounds like perfection! If you can afford it why not!

I have full time help. It suits me and I think it's good for the children so don't mind if people think I am lazy.

Presumably you have more than 1 at home? Otherwise aren't you basically fighting over who plays woth the baby?

Haha plays with the baby??! Could that be a more ridiculous down playing of being a mother ?

Who is fighting? I doubt she pays a nanny to then fight with her over who gets to look after the child...
If all you did as a mother was ‘play with the baby’ then who was feeding it, getting it to sleep, dealing with it when it was crying, doing the housework, cooking meals etc?

I think out of the house would be good variety for a little one. Maybe a childminder or nursery so your child gets to play with other children. From experience, if you’re likely to only use childcare for a small amount of time (e.g. one day a week, which is what I did), 12 months old is a difficult age for attachment. I needed to have quite a few weeks of additional sessions for ds2 to settle with the childminder for the one day a week I needed for my work. I wished I’d started with my lovely childminder when was 6-9 months, as he was less clingy then.

Well it was a simplistic phrasing but id happily have someone do the cleaning and prep work, but the idea of another adult there constantly doing the cuddling and the tickling and the playing, let alone kissing the booboos and getting them to sleep just confuses me. If there's numerous children it makes more sense whilst they're all at home but otherwise why would you want s paid person doing the fun stuff?

I wouldn’t organise more than a cleaner before you have the baby. A lot of people like to sort of hole up with their baby in the early days. You also won’t know how you feel about the baby and what the baby is like until the baby arrives!

Great idea in theory tho. You might find a few hours each day would be easier than a whole day, especially if you’re breastfeeding.

We are a long way from family and really should pay for help - we could, but I can’t bear to leave the littlies for very long! Both DC do go to a gym crèche for a couple of hours a few times a week. I find that easier because I am in the same building but don’t have a stranger in the house plus socialisation benefits.

Same as a couple of PP I use the gym crèche a couple of times a week. Gives me the break I need, and has really helped with DDs confidence around other people.

I will probably put her in nursery for a couple of days once she's a bit older. The problem with a nanny for me is that she'd still be under my feet if I wanted to use the time to get things done, or even just relax, at home.

Also, it might not be so hard to find an experienced nanny as you're looking outside of peak wraparound care times. So you could maybe get somebody to come in for a few hours when their main charges are at school.

I'm a SAHM and my DS goes to nursery part time, before that he had a nanny two mornings a week (she did school wrap around care so was very happy with a 9.30-12.30 slot). Like you we have no family or friends nearby (1hr flight) and I needed a break to go to physiotherapy and just have a hour of me time twice a week.

It's very unkind to say that a Mum is lazy for wanting (and being able to afford) a break, why can't we be more supportive of each other?

Sounds totally sensible to me @DreamingofSunshine . Much healthier to get a break if you can.

I had a student who came round for 2 hours twice a week when my (non sleeping) DC was a baby. It was the only uninterrupted 2 hours sleep I got and it saved my sanity.

Go for it.