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Original poster

SAHM's with a nanny?

119 replies

FernLove · 17/02/2018 11:42

Hi Everyone,

I was wondering how many SAHM's have a nanny? Whether it be one day a week / a couple of half days a week or the whole time?

My husband and I were just chatting about when we have a baby (TTC) and he said he thinks it would be a good idea to eventually organise a nanny for one day a week or one or two half days a week to give me some "me time". I was very surprised about this!

Thoughts?

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BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 17/02/2018 12:57

I think out of home childcare ie a childminder would be better for a SAHM having a day off, as the child would gain social skills interacting with other children

teaiseverything · 17/02/2018 12:59

I'd try not to worry about what people think because your life, your child, your relationship, your bills. If it floats your boat and leads to a happy, balanced household then why the hell not.

RaininSummer · 17/02/2018 13:00

Get a childminder for one day or two half days and also a cleaner to come in when you are are out. You have a thoughtful husband.

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EssentialHummus · 17/02/2018 13:10

Agree re childminder. Could be great for you both.

TheBlindspot · 17/02/2018 13:12

I am a SAHM, and while I wouldn't have a nanny I will be paying to send DD to a playgroup/nursery once she's 2.5 and then she'll go for for her funded hours from when she's 3. I'm pregnant though, so I will have a newborn by then too.

Even if I wasn't though, I'd still send her. Not full time but a couple of mornings or afternoons a week. For her benefit rather than mine. I want her to get used to that sort of environment before she hits starting school age, otherwise it's going to be rather a culture shock for her after being at home with me and only going to play dates (ugh I hate that phrase) with a couple of children here and there.

Once your baby is born you'll soon figure out you just need to do whatever works for you and your family. What other people think really isn't important.

InDubiousBattle · 17/02/2018 13:16

I'm a SAHM and both of mine started pre school two 3 hour sessions a week after their second birthdays. We ds went it meant I could have a bit of one to one time with dd and when she went it meant I could clean the house, have a coffee in peace, treat myself to a smear test, stuff like that.

Bojangles33 · 17/02/2018 13:22

I think if you've got the money to spare then go for it, lucky you! Yes people will criticise (especially on here) because they feel hard done by and that it's not fair that they aren't as lucky. But that's life! Some of us have more and some of us have less and you just have to do what works for you.
One of my close friends has 2 DC and we do make fun of her (lighthearted and to her face) because she only ever has one at home with her, but we are just jealous really she has such an option!

icantdothis2017 · 17/02/2018 13:35

I wouldn't judge .
If you can afford it and that's what you want to do then do it .
I'm a sahm to a two year old but we couldn't afford a nanny

arbrighton · 17/02/2018 16:07

My DH dropped to 4 days a week after DS born. Would that maybe be an option instead? He often has sole charge for 3-4 hours of it as I'm tutoring and similar for my rowing at the weekends.

Baubletrouble43 · 17/02/2018 16:21

I think a group setting like a childminder or nusery would be better when the child is older for socialization purposes. And no, you aren't lazy. I didnt have a nanny or use nursery but I did have two doting grandmas and two doting aunts all living nearby fighting for the chance to take baby for a couple of hours and if you don't have this support I think you should take this chance without any guilt. Its a win win.

Lilonetwo · 17/02/2018 16:25

As a few others have suggested... I think you might get more out of things if your LO attended a nursery. They would get social interaction, learn a little independence and get to do messy play/ different sorts of play that you can offer them at home.

In the early days, perhaps a nanny would be good. But once they are exploring/crawling then I would suggest a nursery or childminder.

crazymumofthree · 17/02/2018 16:32

If I could afford it and didn't have family help I think I would. We are luckily our family are close and hands on.

I worked for a lady twice a week in the afternoon as a nanny/mother's help a few years ago when mine were smaller. The little boy was only 8 weeks old, absolutely adorable and a little angel. His mum would do jobs round the house or pop out to get stuff done like food shop etc. I fed him, sterilised bottles, bathed him, did his washing and read my book in-between while he slept and we got on really well, I guess it was also a little bit of company for her. She recently got in contact actually as she is due her second!

Countingsheeeep · 17/02/2018 16:35

I wouldn't think you were crazy, whatever works for you and your family.

I think whether of not you will "need" one depends on the amount of support you have around you.

My dh works full time, I don't have anyone that lives close by so it's me and DD 100% of the time. In an ideal world I would get a nanny in order to get a bit of a break, however admittedly I have trust issues with other people looking after DD, so won't even consider and nanny or a nursery. Ds is due in 6 weeks, so my life is going to be pretty devoid of "me time" for a while...but it wouldn't suit me any other way despite it being very hard sometimes.

Do whatever works for you and your family.

sanpelligrino · 17/02/2018 16:38

You'll be hard pressed to find a nanny that wants to do this unless in sole charge. Nannies in my experience are very funny about this! I would also think you'd need to be strict about the day etc which might go against what you want. Nothing worse than feeling like you need to leave the house just because... I would find an ad hoc nursery and do it that way if I were you

greeeen · 17/02/2018 16:39

SAHM to one DD. She goes to nursery 9-1:30 two days a week and it’s great for both of us. I use the time to catch up on things that are harder with a child in tow and relax. She loves nursery and gets to do all sorts of fun things and learns lots from the older children there. If you can afford it I would say go for it! Makes for a much happier household here.

Original poster
FernLove · 17/02/2018 16:47

Thank you so much for all of your comments, I really appreciate every response and view on it :)

Nursery is certainly an option for when DC is a little older and I admit I agree with those of you who say it might be difficult to find someone who would work so few hours for me. Mother's help would definitely be the way to go or a childminders.

Even though I am looking forward to (fingers crossed) becoming a mum in the near future, I read another thread about what changes when you become a parent and it reminded me that even though it's a life long dream of mine, it is going to be SUCH hard, tiring and, demanding work and I'm going to have to do it with no close friends or family nearby. I thought, hmmm I should definitely take my husband up on that offer if it's still there when the time comes round!!!

OP posts:
WildWindsBlowing · 17/02/2018 16:48

I have known people who even have a full time nanny when they are a SAHM. They had about 4 children & could afford it. Due to having the time they put a lot into their life with their husband and his work, entertaining, organising all their lives, their mutual social groups and helping with charities.

NeverTwerkNaked · 17/02/2018 16:56

My granny was a sahm and had two full time nannies and a house keeper Grin (she did have 8 children though!)

Strokethefurrywall · 17/02/2018 17:05

Ha, I don't think it's lazy at all! Everyone here (not uk) has a helper, even if they don't work. Keeps the economy going!

Wait and see how you feel, we had a helper in once DS1 was born and she dealt with all laundry, cleaning etc - most helpful - and frankly if you can afford it bloody go for it, why should life be any harder than it has to be?

I don't get the martyr mentality - I would never think someone was lazy for having a nanny/cleaner/helper/housekeeper as a SAHP.

FreeButtonBee · 17/02/2018 17:06

When I was on mat leave with my third, I had my old nanny come once a fortnight for a day, initially just to look after my DTs but when the baby was bigger, they looked after all three.

There are lots of part time nanny roles so if you can be flexible, you may well find a nanny wanting ad hoc extra hours although they will probably not do the extra jobs that a true nanny would do (laundry/sorting/tidying kids toys)

MincemeatTart · 17/02/2018 17:12

I had mothers helps/nanny’s and was mainly a stay at home mother but did work part time sometimes on an ad hoc basis mainly. With second, when we were about to move, we kept our many on until we actually moved. She did about three days a week but as she started a NVQ after she’d technically left us but returned on placement it was free.
With third we had a housekeeper who helped with children, tidied up, did nursery run etc. After the twins the housekeeper increased her hours and did more with the children.

Sarahh2014 · 17/02/2018 17:15

Not what you asked but ds went to nursery for two half days from 2 yrs which we we paid for then he got 15 hours per week at 3 yrs which every child is entitled to.Hes still there now and I will admit it's 50/50 for his needs and mine.I wouldn't have chose the nanny route though

ElenaBothari · 17/02/2018 17:21

Every sahm I know either has a Cleaner, grandparents helping regularly, part time Nursery or nanny.

Admittedly we’re in an affluent area and obv most people can’t afford paid help.

But honestly it’s very very common to hire some help if you can.

MrsGB2225 · 17/02/2018 17:28

I was just thinking today how much I've lost myself in the last 3 years since having children. I think having a day to yourself is a great idea.

Tobebythesea · 17/02/2018 17:30

I would definitely say go for it. Parenthood is amazing but damn hard work. Some time away from my DD really helps keep me sane.

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