My husband drew on my baby!

[FEJ2016]

I need some perspective from someone who isn’t me- I’ve just gone to change my 5 week old daughter and my husband has drawn in black sharpie marker pen on her stomach (he has drawn a big sun around her belly button). I am incredibly upset with him. I can’t believe he would draw on our child honestly I’m dumbfounded. It looks hideous. And how am I now supposed to take her to clinic to get weighed? It looks terrible. When I have challenged him (woke him up- it’s 3am and I was changing her before her feed) he just said ‘why is there a pen there’ and ‘I was just a bit drunk don’t overreact’.
I didn’t know he was drunk or I wouldn’t have let him anywhere near our child for a start, but seriously, am I overreacting? I think it’s the most irresponsible thing I’ve ever seen I actually feel sick.

Immature prick.

Has he nodded off yet? If so or when he does, cover his face with fucking Sharpie doodles.

See what his reaction is and how he likes it when he's scrubbing at it furiously and his skin is sore.

It's not a bit of fun to do this to a tiny newborn. He is way out of line.

His card would be well and truly marked for this if I were you and you have every right to be furious.

I agree with pp that apart from the twattishness generally and the stupidity, it shows worrying lack of perception of your tiny newborn baby as a person and a person who he is meant to fiercely protect. Where are his instincts?

What the actual fuck? What an irresponsible, immature twat your husband is, you need to have serious words with him when he has sobered up, I would be worried that if he thinks it's appropriate to smear chemicals all over a defenceless 5 week old what will he do when he thinks she is older and more robust? Stupidity doesn't even cover it. And getting so pissed you think that drawing on a baby is appropriate while caring for said baby is also worrying. I wouldn't be allowing him to care for her for a long while. I'm fuming for you OP.

Just how much did he have to drink to think this was a good idea or funny? How long was he left in charge of the baby whilst drunk? Not surprised you're angry at all.

I suppose it's a bit of a daft, random thing to do...but what actual harm has it done?

Ummm I don't think it is a good idea to draw on a baby and you definitely won't find it recommended in Annabel Karmel. However the howls of middle class rage are hilarious!

If there is no sign of an allergic reaction, it has almost certainly done no harm. You should definitely take the baby to be weighed (and check with health visitor if any of the chemicals are potentially toxic, just in case). The HVs have their work cut out with abuse and neglect to not worry about trivia.

As for the husband, he has apologised. OP you will take at least one silly risk with your baby before he grows up (everyone does) and now you have a free pass.

What?

Just from smell of a sharpie marker I wouldn't want one on my skin, nevermind my newborn baby.

Talk about it when you've calmed down and he's sobered up though. It's obviously not his finest hour but nor is it bigger than your marriage, I hope.

If he'd done it to OP while she was asleep, would that be OK @pict?

I’m a social worker and I’ve seen plenty more irresponsible parenting than this but I would be fucking furious. Not because I’m middle class but because this is such a stupid thought process and such a careless thing to do to a 5 week old baby that it would make me question how my partner felt about her. It is so far the opposite of the way I would treat my 5 week old baby (with the utmost care) that it would absolutely throw me off balance because I would expect her other parent to feel the same, not to be drawing on her skin with permanent marker after a skinful.

That's what I was going to say...the actual harm it has done is none.
I'm smiling at all the bluster and outrage on here as well. There are a good few photos doing the internet rounds of babies that have been liberally coloured in by their toddler siblings and don't quote me on this, but I don't think any of them actually died of the 'chemicals'.

It’s really not about the ‘actual harm’ that has been done
It’s about the attitude it displays from him.

Is it his first child? I think it's a very weird thing to do as if he has no respect for his own child. He has defaced her.

Also it's strong stuff. I can't get the sharpie ink off my kitchen table.

Adalind,

What attitude do you think it shows?

Babies are not precious ornaments, they are members of the family. Often they are brought into homes with multiple siblings and pets.

Yes it was thoughtless, but seriously....

Oh ok. What attitude does it display from him then?

It's fine for a toddler to draw on a baby. It's a fucking weird thing for an adult to do.

I'd say more thoughtless than weird. But I'm not looking to castigate this chap I don't know for a minor lapse of sense.

Careless, cavalier, immature, thoughtless, irresponsible. Sharpie is permanent marker, it won’t wash off.

Goodness, you seem to know a lot about this man and his motivation.
And it will wash off. It's not a tattoo.

Just plain weird. Please tell your HV (in private). It's very odd behaviour

You can get ink out of clothes by bathing them in full fat milk. Maybe try some milk on a cloth and see if it wipes off?

It's worryingly childish. On a newborn! She's a precious little baby, not an object. His judgment is in question. I doubt his judgment has never been in question before...

"I doubt his judgment has never been in question before..."

No...you have fantasised that his judgement has been in question before.

I am surprised everyone is so upset about this. I’d be a bit concerned about what was in the pen but I seriously couldn’t bring myself to get upset about it. I’d be more annoyed dh was drunk to be honest. (We are a teetotal family).

Yy what @adalind said re toddlers. It’s also mad to say babies are just another member of the family. They’re utterly incapable of anything at that age, they need to be treated differently (not that I advocate drawing on anyone of any age)