My husband drew on my baby!

[FEJ2016]

I need some perspective from someone who isn’t me- I’ve just gone to change my 5 week old daughter and my husband has drawn in black sharpie marker pen on her stomach (he has drawn a big sun around her belly button). I am incredibly upset with him. I can’t believe he would draw on our child honestly I’m dumbfounded. It looks hideous. And how am I now supposed to take her to clinic to get weighed? It looks terrible. When I have challenged him (woke him up- it’s 3am and I was changing her before her feed) he just said ‘why is there a pen there’ and ‘I was just a bit drunk don’t overreact’.
I didn’t know he was drunk or I wouldn’t have let him anywhere near our child for a start, but seriously, am I overreacting? I think it’s the most irresponsible thing I’ve ever seen I actually feel sick.

any unusual marks or bruising

As in marks on the skin like fingerprints, bruising, scrapes, cuts, burns, etc etc etc. Not bloody pen!

If your toddler wrote on your baby with pen (as many kids have over the years) do you think the hv would run to ss and ss would be concerned enough to investigate? No cos they have an iota of common sense and dont think that something so inconsequential is putting a child at risk.'

'fingermarks' not fingerprints!

I'm fascinated by the 'using her defenceless body for his amusement' crowd. The language (and no, that's not an exact quote) implies that they see something sexual/possessive about drawing a sun around her bellybutton - to me it reads as affectionate, daft, over the top and silly. Not great parenting in and of itself, but far from a blot on character.

Tbh I would never leave him in sole care of my baby again since he:

• smoked constantly around her and blew smoke rings for her entertainment
• took her for a drive for an hour and put her on the backseat of the car without a car seat
• got drunk and fell asleep with her on the sofa
• changed her nappy whilst tipsy at a family event and drew on her tummy

I don't think it's the best behaviour but equally, not in the same sphere as the others, which are the kind of things which, sadly, do happen. He needs a gently telling off, but not the ridiculous man/dad-blaming overreaction which will probably have OP on here in 2 years saying her dh does NOTHING for the children and she has to do it ALL and he just isn't motivated etc. etc. blah blah

It's the drinking enough to lose his judgment/(claim) not to remember afterwards that would worry me. He is supposed to be an adult now, equally in charge of his small baby.

And I don't suppose we'd be very impressed if the OP had come on here and explain that her husband had found drawings on her 5 week old baby which she must have done when she was drunk. We'd be urging her to get her problems under control and reminding her that she is responsible. Don't see why there should be one sauce for the goose and one for the gander.

Still, sounds like he has seen that for himself. So will hopefully remember he is a grown-up now.

willow actually what's important is whether the marks are deliberate or not, so toddler scrawlings not important, but deliberate defacement by a drunken father = important.

No, what is important is what harm it causes. So pen marks...none. Nobody would be interested.

And I wish I could forget an article (in the Guardian I think) where images of child abuse were described where often the children and babies had been written on or drawn on. I feel like I need brain bleach, but pretending it doesn't happen won't stop it happening.

No existential - those marks might not show significant harm in themselves but they may be an indicator that the child is at risk.

Are you on glue?

They are not an indicator of any such thing. You clearly have no experience in this area or you wouldn't be so silly.

piyr I'm pretty sure the OP would have mentioned if her baby was having an allergic reaction.

This thread is everything about Mumsnet ever. Hysterical, ranting, indignant, subversive, cheeky, hilarious.

Half of you are fucking bonkers.

Thank god some sane people have turned up now. I felt along amidst the howling and wailing at first.

Defacement? He didn't graffiti her with aerosols! It's a wee bit of pen. It's probably gone by now. Fucking calm the fuck down, people!

That's horrible user, but it's not the same thing.

user that's hardly the same thing
I am sure the kids were drawn on in a different way than a one off silly error of judgement. Sexual abuse of kids is a whole different ball game to a little Sun around a belly button.
I hate to think what 'crimes' you are going to be reporting in your determination to see child abuse everywhere. It's frankly scarey to think you could be in a position to do that.

This thread really needs a diagram

Wow, I've not read the whole thread, but to those who think it's okay, how would you like to be drawn on by a drunk person who's supposed to love and protect you!! Op to you for a disturbed night sleep and you are not over reacting at all

That is irresponsible. Not as irresponsible as the chavvy mum I saw yesterday, smoking over her toddler in his pram, but irresponsible none the less. I would be beyond pissed off!

What he did makes him a daft bugger, especially with it being permanent on such delicate skin. It's not child abuse. He's sobered up and feels awful. He's not going to do it again I reckon.

We've all had a moment where we didn't think through our actions - the first time a baby manages to roll off the bed, the time you thought you locked the stair gate or the time the seat belt didn't click properly and you feel utterly shit and horrified at your misjudgement and error and what could have gone wrong. And you always will double check that thing afterwards.

Alice I honestly would not care. If it was on my face I would be miffed. That's about all.

I love this thread.
'Abuse' doesn't come close to describing this. I work with kids, I've seen abuse, this is not it. I think I'd probably have a giggle after telling him off. Then it will just be a funny story when the kid is older.

He feels bad, it was stupid, but it's pen. Couldn't had a reaction, but didn't. Some people to get to a grip shop pronto. Honestly.

Could've, not couldn't

but to those who think it's okay, how would you like to be drawn on by a drunk person who's supposed to love and protect you!! Op

OH once wrote on my face when I fell asleep at a party. It was pretty funny actually

Yes, but you're a full grown woman who was in on the joke.

I don't think anyone's saying that it would trigger children's services involvement in isolation, but it does indicate a lack of concern for the newborn's wellbeing and a worrying lack of empathy, which would probably be duly noted by any professional worth their salt. I can't decide if his excuse of being drunk makes it better or worse.

So much minimising of male boundary-pushing going on. He knew exactly what he was doing. All this 'he's a daft bugger' etc. He's a grown man! It's only because some people on this thread expect men to be crap at childcare that they're so determined to laugh this off. If the roles were reversed, I think people would assume the mother was having some kind of mental breakdown at least.

So much minimising of male boundary-pushing going on

Nope. None of that. It just isn't a big deal, there is no more and no less to it than that.