I think, OP, you need some counselling. I asked upthread what your friends think of all this. Because I think if you said what you've said here, to an outsider irl you'd get a lot of this face: 
And I think you need to SEE people being shocked, not just read it, to wake you up.
I'm going to poss out myself with this. Worth it if it wakes you up.
I grew up in an abusive home. Stepfather was a VILE bastard. DM though DSis and I were fine. No signs of abuse. No signs of being sad, even. She though staying with Stepfather was the right thing to do because of money/ home/ appearances sake etc.
Last month she rang me crying, that she'd just found some photos of dsis and I from our childhood, when things were really bad at home. She said she'd had to throw them away because she couldn't bear to see how pale we looked, and how "dead" our eyes were. She said our smiles looked fake.
She couldn't understand why she didn't see it at the time.
You might think your DS is fine and showing no signs of abuse from your mother - but you are in the middle of it all too- so you can't be objective. You're blinded to it, because it's too close for you to see. I fear that in years to come, if you manage to extricate yourself from your toxic family (and if I'm honest your DH sounds like he's pretty bloody controlling too) , you'll look back and see a very damaged little boy.
We might all be wrong, and I hope we are, but please go get some counselling so you can at least be sure you're seeing clearly.