AIBU to not trust my parents?

[lalathebear]

I work three days a week and we don't use childcare for my lb because he'll be starting school soon and as a teacher I don't want to pay for holidays as well because I'd like to have him then. Anyway... my dh looks after him two days a week and our parents take it in turns to look after him the other day we need. I don't mind when my mil has him because the worst that happens is he eats his weight in biscuits! My parents are different though because after yesterday I don't trust them.

My Lb is well behaved (he has his moments obviously but soon comes round again after a bit of a strop) but even more so if someone else has him for the day. However yesterday he came home super clingy telling me that he was a naughty boy and saying sorry over and over. On top of this my dh said when he picked him up from my mums he screamed in the car and said his leg hurt. By the time he came him there was nothing there and I put it down to maybe his bum was sore because my parents hadn't changed him since the morning and he's done wee all afternoon. But when I asked why he was naughty he said my mum had shouted at him because he was a naughty boy.

Growing up I was constantly being smacked and told off for even the slightest little thing and I'm really worried it's happening again but to my lb. mum my is very well practiced at smacking legs and has a knack of doing it so it stings for a while but leaves no marks after a few minutes. AIBU not to trust her or is it just paranoia and me jumping to conclusions? If I ask her she'll have a massive go at me because we are currently not getting on well at all because she doesn't like the way i parent and says I've ruined hers and my family's life for years.

Your husband doesn't feed your child on the two days he has him? And won't change him unless the mystical forces align even though your child ends up sore.

Is he the child's father?

Nooka teaandbiscuits he's bf through the day and night still because he's only 2 and without me there he can't do that. He makes up for it when we are back together again. As for his nappy he will have had a dry nappy when they went out but won't have told my mum he needed it changing (he tells me every time he does-sometimes in detail) and for some reason you have to change him as soon as he does a wee because he gets sore within a few minutes. It's why I've taught him to tell me as soon as he needs changing and why I constantly have my nose at his bum usually.

OP sometimes parents for some reason choose only to abuse one child. even to the extent that they will neglect or abuse one child sufficiently to kill them while other children are loved and well fed and cared for. When caught they try and blame the child that they hurt as if it could ever be the fault of a small child that their parents apparently hate them.

It sounds as if your mother never wanted you, probably never bonded and likely never loved you. Which is incredibly sad but does not mean you were difficult - and even if you were it's probably because you didn't have a secure attachment. Which is not your fault!

You deserved to be loved just as much as you clearly love your little boy. You are not a charity case for your partner to take pity on, and while he might be a lovely bloke he is not being lovely in refusing to take sides. He should be putting you first and defending you against your mother or anyone else that is being unkind to you. Just because that's what people who love us want to do.

Op, obviously you have a lot of issues in your life but you need to listen to the posters. Your mother is abusive, your DH is not acting like a good father or husband and your son is at risk of abuse or being abused.

As a cover supervisor, you must have done child protection training. I know it's difficult to apply to your life but if you found this out about a child in your work context, you know you'd have to report it to the child protection officer.

Your work is not right for your current situation. You would be financially better off working a shop for 2 days when your DH has your son. Cover supervisors are massively being exploited.

Op, I'm currently breastfeeding a 23 month old and 8 week old. I could leave my 23 month old for days and she would be fine because she eats a healthy, balanced diet. Breastfeeding is just supplementary, it shouldn't be essential at this age.

I'm all for you co-sleeping and breastfeeding - it's great for your little one! But you should be able to leave him to go to work for the day. He'll be fine with food and water until you're back together.

Extended breastfeeding is lovely, but unless you are only away for a few hours (which you might be it's hard to tell from your posts) then your little one needs to start eating some food/drinks too otherwise he must be getting very hungry/thirsty when you are at work. I know he is very little, but it really is time to start introducing some food even if it's more like snacks than proper meals (but not just biscuits :))

I'm hoping the OP means that he's not breastfed when she's not there and he is fed his other meals?

He must be having SOME soluds too otherwise he would be incredibly underweight at that age. So is he really not fed anything at all???

I think you're making the right decision. Our nursery offers term time only places, is there one near you who do the same?

The bit about your partner "taking you on"? What's that about? Is he DS's father?

Is there anyone in your life who's not getting you to pay something back, OP?

Plus you are drip feeding and back tracking like no tomorrow.

Is DH your sons father?

Did your mother hit you growing up?

Do you have any idea what your partners financial status is? If not - why not?

Trust me we have tried with food and some days he's fantastic and eats but others he has a single bite and says he's full. He drinks water and what he thinks is tea (warmed frothy milk in a cup) through the day but if he comes to me for a cuddle he wants a snack too. It's his comfort and I'm ok with that.

My DH doesn't want to get things wrong and so doesn't really take risks which include taking sides between me and my mum. As to when I was in court he doesn't want our son to know that I was sexually assaulted and doesn't like to think about it.

Bottomly yes he is DS father, he doesn't tell me his earnings because he said it's not for me to worry about. He's old fashioned.

I owe my parents money, the bank money, the credit card money and some outstanding bills from my old house when I lost a court appeal to get the person who assaulted me moved further away.

Yes my mother used to hit me as punishment.

Yes we give him other food but he's very very picky and often doesn't bother because he knows he gets milk anyway.

I'm wondering if your little boy has ever had to visit A&E while in your mum's care.

It is utterly ridiculous that he refused to speak to you. You could have just agreed not to discuss the court case.

The stuff about him taking sides ...I'm speechless. He is your husband. He is supposed to love you not sit there like a goldfish and let your mother bad mouth you. Your mother sounds absolutely awful - what do you gain from keeping in contact with her ?

You also seem to have a low sense of self worth. You talk about your DH "taking you on" like you were a piece of luggage an seem to be so grateful for what is essentially normal decent behaviour.

Any decent man would have supported you through pregnancy with their child. Perhaps not married you but made sure you were alright and sorted financially.

Have you ever had any therapy ? You seem to really believe any halfway decent treatment is doing you a favour when really it's the very minimum you should expect.

It's also really weird you don't know what he earns. I can't fathom an equal partnership not knowing this.

TBH I find it odd that you accept not knowing what your husband earns as it's not for you to worry about.

Footle my lb has never been to a&e. He's never been in a hospital except to be born and only seen a dr for the 6week check and when he had tonsillitis. He's obsessed with emergency vehicles and so would have been all over telling everyone if he had been to a hospital.

OP considering you do have childcare you seem
Really reluctant to commit to working days and it's hard to understand why?

If I were you I wouldn't bother having my child with grandparents all day just to earn £28. What difference is that going to make to debts?

You are perpetuating the circle of abuse.

You need to go back and get more help!!!!

Why would your son need to know you were sexually assaulted?

Stop using your child as a comfort blanket .... you may not know this but you are already damaging him ...

Not being able to have a nappy change in public is wrong... this is something you have done!!! If he was changed whole our repeatedly it would be normal for him!!!

Eating and drinking .... please give up breastfeeding ... this is now for you and not for him!!! You are again causing problems with his eating habits! He is drinking milk constantly and filling up on that so not eating.

You only have 9 months to break this habits that you have ingrained for the past 2 years. He needs to use public conveniences, he needs to eat and he need to be toilet trained !!

Stop making excuses for your behaviour and passing the blame onto others. This is your child so your problem. I can guarantee that I would never send my child to someone who won't/doesn't train them and who emotionally abuses them by damaging self worth and esteem!

Op, how are you able to tell whether you could get tax credits etc if you don't know how much your dh earns? It may be that if you discussed finances together you would discover that you are entitled to some financial help with working? I think another pp may have a point that you might be better off doing full days being paid for the whole day - maybe not teaching - so that you could afford child care?

I know other pp have suggested counselling - would you consider it again?

I don't agree that you need to give up breastfeeding. However it shouldn't be his main source of nutrition. My DD knows that she's only going to get milk in the morning (10mins peace in bed) and before her nap. She doesn't always like it, especially as she has to see the 8 week old feed all day but that's the way it is.

I would maybe start by not feeding for at least an hour before meal times? Just offer whatever you have prepared for you, don't make a big fuss and clear away once mealtime is over. What is he drinking water from? An open cup offered with every meal would be best. He also needs to go to PIL with a packed lunch if they're unsure of what to offer him - leftovers from the evening meal the previous day is easiest.

Hang on. You were sexually assaulted and it went to court, and he refused to talk to you? What an absolute utter arse.

I think allowing a situation where a two year old is responsible for their nappy shows that you accept too little from the adults in your son's life. Your mother and husband are either unwilling or unable to provide minimal care for your son. This cannot go on.