AIBU to not trust my parents?

[lalathebear]

I work three days a week and we don't use childcare for my lb because he'll be starting school soon and as a teacher I don't want to pay for holidays as well because I'd like to have him then. Anyway... my dh looks after him two days a week and our parents take it in turns to look after him the other day we need. I don't mind when my mil has him because the worst that happens is he eats his weight in biscuits! My parents are different though because after yesterday I don't trust them.

My Lb is well behaved (he has his moments obviously but soon comes round again after a bit of a strop) but even more so if someone else has him for the day. However yesterday he came home super clingy telling me that he was a naughty boy and saying sorry over and over. On top of this my dh said when he picked him up from my mums he screamed in the car and said his leg hurt. By the time he came him there was nothing there and I put it down to maybe his bum was sore because my parents hadn't changed him since the morning and he's done wee all afternoon. But when I asked why he was naughty he said my mum had shouted at him because he was a naughty boy.

Growing up I was constantly being smacked and told off for even the slightest little thing and I'm really worried it's happening again but to my lb. mum my is very well practiced at smacking legs and has a knack of doing it so it stings for a while but leaves no marks after a few minutes. AIBU not to trust her or is it just paranoia and me jumping to conclusions? If I ask her she'll have a massive go at me because we are currently not getting on well at all because she doesn't like the way i parent and says I've ruined hers and my family's life for years.

Trainspotting I have to fit my working days around when my oh doesn't have to be in the office for meetings and when my PIL are off work themselves. Their jobs are demanding at different times whereas mine is a daily 9-3 that I do different days depending on their cover need. Once my DS is 3 and starts school in January I can do the 15hrs a week he's in school without a problem because he's at the same LA so has the same holidays.

Good grief, I've never seen so many problems on one thread!

What is the point of working for £28 a day! Are you sure your not eligible for a free two year old nursery place, even with your OHs earnings?

Your mother sounds like a prick but your OH sounds worse. He can't feed or change his son in public? He won't tell you what he earns, he wants you to stay home and look after the kids. He's horrid.

Your son really needs to start eating proper food. Stop breastfeeding if that's what it takes to get him to eat.

OP.... What do your friends think about all this???

Fruit said: "Are you sure your not eligible for a free two year old nursery place, even with your OHs earnings?"

See, that's what I don't understand - if oh won't tell op his earnings, how can she know whether to apply for nursery place, tax credits or other help? OP, does your dh realise you might be entitled to help if you could discuss your finances together?

I'm glad he hasn't been to hospital. I don't believe you were 'accident prone' or clumsy, I believe someone injured you and you've forgotten it.

I think you've had a nightmarish life so far , and been told you are responsible for all sorts of issues that belong to other people. Your husband is not that wonderful. How can he 'not take sides' against the woman who continues to abuse you?

All this isn't your fault. But now your son needs your protection , and you need your husband to support you in every way.

Your mum sounds awful but so does your husband to be honest! I'd be finding ways to leave both of them. If there's anyone in my life that's 'got my back' 100%, it's my parents and my husband-if I didn't have that, I don't think I'd want to be anywhere near them.

What sort of teaching job do you have that only pays you £28 a day. What do you teach? There's a massive teaching recruitment and retention crisis-head round here are employing teaching assistants to teach because there are just
No applicants.

roll The OP does cover which means she only gets paid when there's cover to do. It's a zero hours contract effectively so if there's no cover, there's no work. All secondaries are having to do it because it saves so much in supply costs but it's a rubbish system for the kids (not taught by a teacher, just supervised with cover work) and it's not good for the employees either.

Why are you lying?

You said upthread that your mother and stepfather never touched you then you said your mother did hit you.

You said you weren't eligible for help but yet you don't know your husbands earnings.

Then you are saying that you should be grateful because the father of your child is - wait for it - being a father? What the actual fuck? It is not the norm for men to leave when their partner is pregnant. Why do you think him being with you is something special?

Are you actually a teacher? I really doubt someone could be this naïve and teach.

Please if this is real go and get therapy none of this is right. At all. You are worth SO much more than what you have been told.

Also - yes your debt is you debt, but any decent person wouldn't begrudge their partner a day of childcare.

I think op said her parents never hit her stepsiblings, not her - opost is quite clear about that.

Is £28 a day for cover NMW (is this after tax)? I suppose it depends how many hours you do.

Op, what about working two full days in another job, with paid childcare? Would that work financially - once you've found out about tax credits on dh's income etc. If ds didn't like nursery, could you try a childminder, or even a nanny share?

Or someone else suggested private tutoring - are you in an in-demand subject?

You are a qualified teacher. Either your husband can fully support you and your son including your debts so you stay at home or you go to work and pay for child care. Lots of child minders work term time only.

Childcare with a history of corporal punishment, who do not feed your child or change them and tell them they are naughty is completely unacceptable.

Please get help for all of what has happened so you can rebuild your life and do the best for you and your son.

It's not a qualified teacher job - it's a teaching assistant type job covering lessons when teachers are away. OP hasn't said whether she's a qualified teacher but I don't think so from her posts.

I agree with Ciutadella and still think you'd be much better with a shop job and paying for childcare. Or a normal part time teaching assistant job.

And you need to sort your finances with your DH. It's not being old fashioned, it's trying to control you.

I am qualified to teach, I qualified in 2009 but left completely in 2012 when I was in hospital for 10mths ill. After that I did supply but couldn't do it after I was assaulted. I've only just returned to teaching now so need to build my experience again doing cover. If there's no cover available I don't get paid so it might be less than £28 but if there's a full day available I could get £37 for a full 6 lesson day. It's not reliable pay though. When my DS goes to school himself I can fix my hours and get paid more as a supply teacher. Our circumstances now are just because I need to keep the wolf from the door financially.

My dh grew up in a family where the children were looked after at home by their mother and quite rightly wants the same for his child. However I have £8k of debt that needs paying off and no money coming in. He's happy with the arrangement we have because it's only temporary. Plus we are selling the house and he said that will help pay off a little bit. Also I looked into debt consolidation but you can't enter into any more debt for 5yrs till it's paid off and my oh wants me on the mortgage for the new house so that's not going to work. He wants me on the mortgage so it's a house we both own and even though he'll pay the bills it will help my credit rating. I'm speaking to someone next week about getting round it.

My DS is the most loved little boy in the world. He's never unhappy in my care and I look after him well. My oh has never had need to change his nappy whilst out and about as for the last two years I've been there to do it. I know dads who have NEVER changed a nappy so at least he does the home ones. His picky food habits are nothing to do with bf he's just funny about food. One day he'll love something and the next time he has it he hates it. Even friends who don't bf have this problem it's called being two. I'm not bf for me I'm doing it because we are allowing him to wean himself and he's not ready yet.

As to potty training him I'm not about to force him out of nappies before he's ready. I know 5yr olds in nappies at night still and forcing him

Is not going to help. There are posts on here with mums asking for advice with starting training their 3yr olds so I think at 27mtjd I still have time.

It's really sad to read your posts OP. Your expectations are so low

'Quite rightly'

I don't think you're going to listen to any of the advice you get on this thread. The things you're saying are not what a normal happy family looks like. It's a sad read.

What is desperately sad is that you can't recognise how abusive your mum was and still it is to you.

Have you ever had any proper independent free debt counselling??? If you can reduce your repayments with frozen interest perhaps you will only need to work when your PIL/OH are available to look after him.

I am horrified that your OH is happy to risk your mother looking after your DS after her treatment of you. It sounds as though you very unhappy as a child and her way of dealing with that was to punish you and be overly strict .

I would also be concerned that your OH is incapable of being emotionally supportive - you need the very opposite after all that you have endured in your life

I feel so sad for you but it's obvious you are not going to accept what people are saying here so I'm going to bow out. It sounds like you've had s very difficult life OP. Perhaps as you're not ready to accept that your mother and DH are abusive you might want to step back from the thread and reflect. Please come back if you feel ready to post again as you will receive support on here - people are just frustrated that you can't see that you're actually exposing your son to the same kind of sad life you've had yourself

^^ fuck me sideways

I will say, my child is in a nursery and if they thought that feeding and changing nappies were some kind of extraordinary luxuries rather than the very basic, lowest level care my child could expect, I'd be livid.

Rarely have I seen such an obvious sock puppet.

I hope you're right. Otherwise we're reading the worst nursery manager ever, someone who understands neither the physical or psychological aspects of childcare.

Ive reported for stunningly crap sockpuppetry

cows that is all bullshit. If my DP didnt feed or change our children he'd be out the door. Two year olds eat solid food, men don't need tits to feed them.

What is sockpuppetry, btw?