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Original poster

DH hitting 13-year-old boy

278 replies

worriedmw · 16/02/2017 11:10

Getting worried for these moments when DH loses his temper. I lose mine sometimes too but wouldn't use force on kids. At a loss where to turn. It happened again last night over dinner when DS refused the food served and demanded cup noodles instead. Frustrating scenario but he has been fussy over food since toddler. I would just give in as he is old enough to make his own choice on what to eat. And it's not that he has cup noodles every day. It's half term after all. Didn't say any of this out loud at the time because that would make dh even more furious. Did send him a text at work this morning.

I am worried that their relationship is going downhill and parenting getting harder. I am more worried that some serious injuries may happen. Puts so much strain in a family. I wonder if DS's behaviour is normal or indeed if DH just over reacted. What can I do in the middle??

OP posts:
Highlove · 16/02/2017 12:52

FFS. Protect your children.

You can and should ditch this total cunt who is physically and verbally abusing your children. How is anything you have with this shit 'precious'? He is abusing your children. Do you get that? This is child abuse. Child abuse. Repeat it to yourself. Child abuse. You are enabling and condoning child abuse.

You need to grow up and take responsibility, not put it on your already scared child to decide what happens next. Protect your children.

In case you've not yet got it: child abuse.

skerrywind · 16/02/2017 12:55

OP if I knew you personally I would report you to social services- you would both lose your children, your OH because of abuse and you because of neglect.

Miserylovescompany2 · 16/02/2017 12:55

So you are running around OP, trying to paper over a giant cavonous hole. All the while thinking of your marriage? It's not just pysical abuse, it's emotional abuse being inflicted on those children by BOTH of their parents.

blueskyinmarch · 16/02/2017 12:55

I am speaking here as a trained child protection social worker.

You have a responsibility to protect your children. You are not doing this by failing to report an asset on your DS by his DF. You are colluding with your DH and letting him see that he can get away with his violent and emotionally abusive behaviour.

It is likely that this violent behaviour will escalate and your DS will get properly hurt and here will likely come a pint where police and SS become involved.. When it comes to light that you have been aware of previous incidents and have done nothing about it you will run the risk of child protection measures being put in place. This could involve the removal of your DC from your care.

Allowing your DC to make a choice about what happens regarding his DF is appalling and is also emotionally abusive. Just because to was your DH’s birthday does not mean he can be let off from assaulting his son.

I would urge you to report what has happened either to police and SS and let your DS see that you will protect him and stand up to his DF on his behalf. It won’t be easy but it is the right thing to do.

P1nkP0ppy · 16/02/2017 12:57

....worried that some serious injuries may happen...?
Already had police/Social Services involved?
Asked DCs which choice to make?

FFS wake up woman. He's an aggressive, bullying abuser, you're 100% colluding with his behave.
What an appalling example of how to be a good parent.
Sad Sad Sad

NumbNelly · 16/02/2017 12:57

Poor kids. Physically and emotionally abused by dad. Emotionally manipulated by mum. They don't really stand a chance do they. Would it be the worst thing if SS took them?
You've been asked a few times and have chosen to ignore - how is he hitting and how hard?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 16/02/2017 12:58

It's abuse. You either make it stop or you're colluding in it.

Writerwannabe83 · 16/02/2017 12:59

I hope this is a Troll thread.

I started off feeling sorry for you OP but now I just feel disgusted. Your poor children, you should be ashamed of yourself.

I hope one of your children speaks out about what is happening at home and that they both get removed from your DH and you.

By allowing this abuse to continue you are just as guilty as your DH and it's abhorrent the way you are behaving.

Your children deserve better than both you and their father.

midlifehope · 16/02/2017 13:00

He sounds like a horrid bullying bastard. Let social services get him, not your son. I say that from the perspective of a far from relationship. But there has never been any violence, and we both dote on our kids. I would like to see someone twice his size wallop him one. I feel protective for your kids on their behalf.

Cherrysoup · 16/02/2017 13:03

You don't want to break up the marriage? So you're just going to let your husband carry on beating your kids? Because that's better than breaking up your marriage? Unbelievable. You cannot ask the children if this situation carries on, you need to make the decision to kick him out so your children can live without fear of being between every time they do q normal kid thing. Get lost with your Christian prayers, love, none of that will stop your husband being an abusive wanker. You need to stick up for your kids, by getting rid of this twat.

MeadowHay · 16/02/2017 13:06

I know everyone will say I'm in denial, and maybe I am, but my father sounds similar to OP's husband. It was a hard time for me when I was younger but now I'm older we have a better relationship and my mum and I are actually quite close now as well. I'm not sure you can equate "hitting" to "beating". My dad used to sometimes "hit" us but certainly wasn't "beating" us, there is a big difference between the two and whilst I'm not trying to justify/minimise behaviour I think a lot of people on this thread are really naive to think this doesn't happen in many families that they think they know so well. It does happen, a lot, and most people don't leave their partners over it, and most of us kids grow up and move on and get on with our lives and just try to forget about it but maintain decent relationships with our parents. It's not so black and white, my parents were excellent (indeed still are excellent) in many other respects. Just another perception for you OP.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 16/02/2017 13:06

The prayer thing is just insulting to those who have beliefs.

You don't need prayers.

I reckon troll too. The prayer comment swayed it.

CatsBatsEars · 16/02/2017 13:07

I really hope this is a troll too, I'm bloody disturbed by it and its playing on my mind. That poor boy Sad

RatHammock · 16/02/2017 13:07

I do hope this is a troll. If not then you are a disgrace OP. Asking people to pray for you FFS. What the fuck difference do you think that will make? You're the only person who can change anything.

Stupid, selfish arsehole. Angry

Poorlybabysickday · 16/02/2017 13:07

Please tell us you aren't a midwife Hmm

PoorYorick · 16/02/2017 13:08

Sounds like my father. His violence and temper have given me lifelong depression including PND to the point of near suicide and I very nearly chose not to have children because of it. Don't underestimate the effect of a silly self centres man who can't control his temper. It has ruined many things for me. He is long dead and I still hate him.

bloodymaria · 16/02/2017 13:09

I don't think OP will be back. Hopefully the message has got through to her though.

Original poster
worriedmw · 16/02/2017 13:11

The most precious for me is to for our family to be together. DC needs their father too. He loses temper sometimes but isn't abusive.

OP posts:
Heirhelp · 16/02/2017 13:12

He is abusive.

Original poster
worriedmw · 16/02/2017 13:12

No I am not a midwife . Just a worried mum and wife

OP posts:
CatsBatsEars · 16/02/2017 13:13

Wtf!!!! He hits his boy and threatens all sorts of nasty things and is a total cunt!!! Of course he's abusive! Fuck me!

Writerwannabe83 · 16/02/2017 13:13

How is hitting his children not abusive?

What is your definition if abuse OP if it doesn't include physical violence?

Parker231 · 16/02/2017 13:13

If any adult hit one of my DC's they wouldn't be near them again regardless of whether they were their Father.

skerrywind · 16/02/2017 13:14

The most precious for me is to for our family to be together.

At any cost? At the expense of your children's welfare?

BurningBridges · 16/02/2017 13:14

I wish there was something helpful I could say to make you realise how wrong you are OP but you're not listening to anyone else. There is no faith in which this is acceptable. You talk about what's precious to you, its not about you though its about the children and what is precious to you - staying with an abuser - is abhorrent to the rest of society. You are not a good parent.