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Original poster

DH hitting 13-year-old boy

278 replies

worriedmw · 16/02/2017 11:10

Getting worried for these moments when DH loses his temper. I lose mine sometimes too but wouldn't use force on kids. At a loss where to turn. It happened again last night over dinner when DS refused the food served and demanded cup noodles instead. Frustrating scenario but he has been fussy over food since toddler. I would just give in as he is old enough to make his own choice on what to eat. And it's not that he has cup noodles every day. It's half term after all. Didn't say any of this out loud at the time because that would make dh even more furious. Did send him a text at work this morning.

I am worried that their relationship is going downhill and parenting getting harder. I am more worried that some serious injuries may happen. Puts so much strain in a family. I wonder if DS's behaviour is normal or indeed if DH just over reacted. What can I do in the middle??

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 16/02/2017 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skerrywind · 16/02/2017 12:36

OP you disgust me as much as your husband.

You are failing your children badly.

Be prepared for a lifetime of no contact when they are old enough to leave home.

bumblingbovine49 · 16/02/2017 12:38

Your dh needs to do some work on how he expects his role as a paretn to change once children reach teen years. Parenting of teenagers involved gradually giving up control of your children's lives.

Look for courses on helping to parent teenagers specifically and see if your DH is willing to go. Maybe you both could go so it is less of a blaming thing. Your dh also needs to unreservedly apologise to your dc for hitting him. That is never never acceptable, ever!!

Your dh also sounds like he needs some help to work out for himself what he expects from his children. Did he have a good childhood himself?

Blossomdeary · 16/02/2017 12:39

If he is 13 then you are just at the beginning of it all - you ain't seen nothing yet! You have got to get this under control NOW.

The hitting is wrong, and putting DS down is wrong - if he can't understand this and start to behave in an adult way, your poor son is in for a rough ride and his behaviour will deteriorate.

FatCatFaces · 16/02/2017 12:39

Fucking hell OP. Step up and defend your children!

It's YOUR job to keep them safe. You don't pass the hard decisions over to them.

You're clearly married to an abusive arse and would rather tiptoe around him and let your kids take the brunt of his anger. Your children will grow to hate him and resent you if they don't already. Horrific.

Original poster
worriedmw · 16/02/2017 12:40

More often than not I do stand up for the kids when my husband gets angry. The most common trigger is over computer games: DCs have allotted computer time but they always try to play more.

It was my husband's birthday yesterday, which is why I tried not to confront him. It wasn't a graceful one. Double shamed.

Don't dare to use DH anymore. Afraid of abusive language. online forums are hardly a good place to seek advice.

I am grateful for the understanding, support and concern shown.

Life isn't easy. Can't just simply ditch something precious and start again.

A time for reflection. Thanks again.

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 16/02/2017 12:41

Your username... .are you a midwife?

I can't believe you are going to sit around practically encouraging your husband to abuse your child. That's sickening,

tinydancer88 · 16/02/2017 12:42

If this continues, your failure to defend and protect your children from both physical and emotional suffering may mean you lose custody of them as well as there being serious consequences for your husband.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 16/02/2017 12:43

What's the precious thing you think you'll be ditching??

skerrywind · 16/02/2017 12:43

If he is 13 then you are just at the beginning of it all - you ain't seen nothing yet! You have got to get this under control NOW.

I have no idea what you mean blossom.

The only person that needs controlling is this abusive bully.

Dizzywizz · 16/02/2017 12:44

youre not going to leave him are you. You're not going to protect your children. Reading this has made me so sad. Your poor, poor son.

Kiroro · 16/02/2017 12:44

Life isn't easy. Can't just simply ditch something precious and start again.

Actually, after reading this comment - you are disgraceful. Yeah, yeah, your 'precious' relationship with a man who beats his children. What amazing mother you are.

skerrywind · 16/02/2017 12:45

It was my husband's birthday yesterday, which is why I tried not to confront him.

Seriously? Are you for real?

So people are allowed to be abusive on their birthday?

As a special birthday treat?

gamerchick · 16/02/2017 12:45

Oh fucking hell you put that decision on a CHILD, that's actually quite weak and totally evil of you. Jesus would be ashamed of you

That's what I was thinking, weak.

OP one day when your kids are adults you will reap what you and your husband have sowed. There's nothing really much more to say.

DameDeDoubtance · 16/02/2017 12:45

Protect your children and get this abuser out of your lives. Don't ask your children what they would do, that's awful, basically putting all the pressure on them. Pack his bags and leave them outside the door.

harrypotternerd · 16/02/2017 12:45

You seem to lack insight into what is actually going on here. You seem more worried about your DH than your DC mental health and future happiness. Be a parent and do what is right by your children. It may not be easy but it has to be done. Do you realise if they tell another adult and that adult calls SS that they will be removed from YOUR care too because it seems like you are choosing your husband over your children. That is not the actions of a parent.

bummymummy77 · 16/02/2017 12:45

Ditch something precious?

Sorry to be harsh op but you are benign incredibly selfish.

I'm out, this thread disgusts me.

FatCatFaces · 16/02/2017 12:46

online forums are hardly a good place to seek advice.

This place can be amazing when you need help and if you came here saying that need to leave an abusive relationship you'd be inundated with advice and support.

However, that's not what's coming across from your posts. It just sounds like you're hoping we will all say it's your son who is being unreasonable. Head out of the sand OP. You need to be proactive.

CatsBatsEars · 16/02/2017 12:46

Sheesh precious husband who beats his kid! Wtf, you are complicit in the abuse. Get your kids away from HIM!

NerrSnerr · 16/02/2017 12:46

You can't ditch something precious? What about your son? How precious is he? What if he answers back next time and your husband hits him harder? What if your son loses balance next time he's hit and is seriously hurt or called. Will that be worth saving your previous marriage for?

You are a parent, it's your job to protect your children from abuse. They will grow up hating you for standing by and letting it happen.

OliviaStabler · 16/02/2017 12:46

Can't just simply ditch something precious and start again.

Actually you can.

Kiroro · 16/02/2017 12:48

I am calling troll after the 'precious' comment. Reported.

harrypotternerd · 16/02/2017 12:49

I hope this is a troll because if this is real it is very sad to think about

measles64 · 16/02/2017 12:49

I would be getting social services involved following a call to the police if this happened in my home. My son is a fussy eater, I just shop for something different if we are having fish to use an example of something he hates and we love.

xStefx · 16/02/2017 12:50

Kids need to be taken away from both of you. This isn't complicated at all op. He abuses them
And you allow it.