"Life with a new baby is shit, you hate your dh/dp and you hate your life" - do you really all agree with that?

[emkana]

don't want to go into this on the Cathy O'Neill thread, but just wanted to pick up on what marthamoo said there and ask for general opinions on this - is that really what you all feel/felt?

I don't want to p*ss everybody off by going on about how wonderful I found early parenthood - but I do remember that after having dd1 I was just ecstatic at how wonderful she was, how much I loved her, how I felt I had found the meaning of life... it was just completely mind-blowing.
Yes, I was tired etc. but I felt the happiest I had ever felt. I have found things much harder since having more than one, but again with dd2 it was less new babyhood that got me down, but the later stages, when she became a toddler, and all the issues that came along with that... tantrums etc., how to discipline successfully, feeling inadequate in my parenting...

but i just love new babies... sigh...
(and ds is eight months already...)

katierocket, I'm not sure I knew you'd had a baby (you'll tell me I posted on your birth announcement thread now - I have a brain like a sieve): congratulations and I'm sorry you're having a hard time I'll go and look for your other thread.

thyroiditis commonly recurs with each pregnancy. Sweating is definitely a symptom. It is really underdiagnosed.

I love newborns!

When they're someone else's .

Gail Porter had thyroiditis as well as PND and she was diagnosed with the PND long before they caught her thyroid problem.

It was never mentioned to me.

Wholeheartedly agree with the statement...and tbh I don't start to really relax and enjoy parenting until they are circa 2.5 years old and upwards. Particularly enjoying dd now that she is 4.5 and increasingly having fun with ds now he is 2.9. But 0-2 is imo hugely stressful

I fucking hate the first 18mo with a passion. DS2 is 5mo, only another year or so of sheer hell.

I love toddlers. Tantrums? Bring 'em on

sometimes yes, sometimes no. its not so much the new baby its the physical unpleasant stuff, the hormones, sore breasts, crying, milky yukky smelly clothes, loose skin, whatevers going on below, oh GOD OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?? AM DOING IT AGAIN

I can only echo what others have said - I didn't realize it was this hellish for so many mothers and I am truly sorry.

Marthamoo, I'm sorry if I upset you by starting the thread - that wasn't my intention.

Fox in socks summed it up for me-total shock, very unprepared(it was twins though). Haven't read the other thread but I admire anybody who describes motherhood how it is. Not enough of us have the courage to give an honest account. New motherhood is bloody hard, if we were all a little more honest new mums wouldn't expect it all to be hearts and flowers and then feel like a total failure as a result. I'm convinced PND isn't helped by all the Hello stories of perfect,"loving every minute" first weeks. I'm jealous of those that enjoyed the first few days but not hard on myself anymore. I think time puts rose tinted glasses on and the vast majority must have found most of it trying to say the least. What's enjoyable about a screaming, pooing little bundle. My children are the most precious beings on the planet, love them to pieces but those early days were just about survival. I do admire those that love all the new baby stuff though, you must all have the patience of a saint. Starting to realise 3 years down the line I may be a bit lacking in that area!!!

Hate the newborn stage. DD had all-day colic and I almost went out of my mind. Ds was better, but still a whingy little bugger. I love, love, love the toddler stage. Which for my dd was around one. She's very independent and was an early walker. Ds 7 mths old and I'm counting down the days until he's a toddler. Oh and I never bond with my babies until they reach 4 or 5 months, and I never experienced the 'rush of love' God I sound like an awful mum

Thanks scummy- he can be a sweetie, and I also love that video clip of him- it shows his personality really well in less than a minute. The thing I find hardest (was talking about this last night actually) is the complete inability to take him anywhere. Really we can go almost nowhere. And places only become easy with reinforcements. And that's him on his own. Tried to do a sea front walk the other day ended up with some scrap on the pavement, he wanted to run across the road and stand in the middle of the road to check out windows. Funnily enough I woudln't let him.

When I think back to the baby years, I just had no bloody idea, feel completely conned. It probably doesn;t help that I was completely PFB about him as well, so had lots of future plans. If someone had taken me and shown me his school (the place I love, and adore now) I would have been utterly horrifed, I would probably have thrown up on the spot.

I still enjoyed ds2 and ds3 as snuffly newborns- there's nothing quite like a newborn baby, but I never allowed myself to wallow in them, or dream about thier future, just in case.

As for slides- I wish he'd bloody slide down one, he keeps using his to see over neighbours fences. I've started to call him ASBO boy.

I love the newborn stage, there's something so wonderful about a newly-minted human being that can't be replicated anywhere else. Even when I had pnd with ds2 I still loved the actual baby bit.

Newborn stage was absolutely wonderful at times, like when he was asleep!! I wasn't good at having to wake up at 3am, and having to stay awake an hour sometimes. I'd just crawl back into bed,and he'd wake again.

I agree that people aren't honest about it. Often when I say I'm having a really bad time, people agree, but try to make light of it. I read a book somewhere about how we all feel the need to pretend it is fine, when often, it's a nightmare!

Some of it was pure agony! We waited 12 years for our first baby, who died very unexpectedly, so our second was desperately, desperately wanted. However, there were some mornings when I just wanted to say just shut the @@@@ up and let me sleep!

Wouldn't agree with the thread title at all.

My DD1 was born with Down's syndrome which was quite a shock to say the least, to everyone.
Once the initial shock had worn off it bought everyone closer together. I remember saying to DP how I felt like I was literally being carried by the support I was receiving from my friends and family.

People I had never met were leaving gifts for DD1, my FIL gardens mum for example! My best mates friends mum knitted something. It was such a wonderful magical time and I was continually touched and uplifted by everyones thoughfullness.

Rather than fall apart as I thought might happen, or should happen with the shock of having a child with DS, the opposite happened. I was so deeply in love already with this wonderful little person that I had made with her big dark starring eyes and soft skin.

I remember me and DP having a conversation about how everything made sense now DD1 had arrived. Someone said to us 'ohh having a child changes you life forever' We took this as a negative comment and then DD1 arrived and we thought 'yeah it does change your life, but for the better'.

I also felt totally in love with DP and was so touched by his support and love for me and our new DD.

It was an amzing and wonderful time. I wish I could have bottled the way I felt in those early days - that utter peace and contantment I felt. I was a mum, I had a beautiful baby girl who was so lovely ad so easy and my house was full of flowers and cards and everything was great! Bliss, absolute bliss.

Hmmm thanks for taking me back there for a moment, have a huge grin on my face now

emkana, you didn't upset me at all - don't worry It's been a fascianting thread to read.

And fascinating

lol @ASBO boy.

I really hope that going out and about with him will get easier for you as he gets a bit older.

This thread should be given out at ante-natal classes. I, like many on here, didn't enjoy the early stages and agree with the fact that it feels like a conspiracy and you do feel like you're the only one who's not enjoying it. I spoke to a friend of mine who's pg with her first and was telling it like it is, she looked so wounded and said 'haven't you anything good to say'...I felt awful, but I do wish someone had told me the 'truth' rather than the 'ideal' version.

The thing this thread shouts extremely loudly to me though, AC, is that there just is no one truth. There are as many experiences as there are new parents and children.

That's what I meant - whatever your experience is you can find someone else on this thread who has thought the same! I think it gives a good balanced view of the downsides as well as the ups too, that's what I meant. It's hard to find any negative comments in pg magazines etc, which was where I got my 'info' from

havn't read the whole thread but completly agree with AnnabelC's last post. I wish someoen had told me the truth about parenthood full stop but god yes those first six months were hell.

i honestly felt like I'd been condemmed to a life sentance for a simple mistake. And worse than that, this was a life sentance in prison, under torture that society expected me to ENJOY?!?!?

whats to like? the agonising pain, the sleepless nights, the gut wrenching anxiety, the lack of sex, the sudden lack of anyone calling you by your first name and referring to you as X mum, the boredom, the unpredictability of it all.

Babies aren't miraculus - they are pretty dammed ordinary actually and extremly boring and demanding to take care of. I hated the first 6 motnhs and still am not fond of DS babyhood. Roll on the time when he can talk to me and we can actually DO things together! I'm thinking 3 or 4 yrs old)

Sunnyjim So far I recommend 3. Ds is so funny. Even when he says 'Mummy, I'm not having it, I'm not happy with you' I have to try not to laugh. I love his funny little conversations with me and feel like I am finally enjoying him properly! dd is 18 months and she is lovely too for other reasons but at this age ds was having full on 'going into myself' rages so it was not quite the same at that time.....

oh and the worst thing? its people not taking me seriuosly when I say that because I have hated the first year, not enjoying the second year, because DS has health problems that have been ongoing, because having him put a huge strain on my relationship, my and DH's mental and physical health we won't be having another one.

People just say "oh but you'll change your mind," or "but won't he be lonely" or "aren't you being selfish"

WTF?, As a family unit we have been through HELL these past 18 months, isn't it okay for us to say I don't want to do that again? I can't imagine the impact on DS if we had another baby, I was severly psychotic, DH got Depressed, we all got ill again and DS had to listen to me crying about how much i hated babies and my life.

DS is in nursery and I still get the 'don't you wnat to spend this time with him - it will never come again" you know what i say to that THANK GOD!

He is far better off at nursery/playgroup with carers who actually enjoy beign with little ones than spending those 30 hrs a week extra with me going slowly mad.

petitflou, thats the kind of thing I look forward to. DS doesn't talk yet so I don't feel like I can fully interact with him. I admit that its got alot better since last summer (15 months +)

But I'd still miss the first two years like a shot if anyone offered.

Generally agree, although I didn;t hate DH as I don;t think I was capable of such a strong emotion...those came later when I was on the way up again.

I had an easy pg, an easy birth, no feeding problems, and DS was a pretty easy baby. He did wake at least 1-2 times a night until he was 14 months but he was easy to settle with b/f.

The grey fog is definitely where I was at.

I was OBSESSED with sleep. I just wanted to sleep all the time and as soon as DS shut his eyes I shut mine, but it was never enough. I desperately wanted someone to take DS away so I could sleep but I couldn;t leave him 'cos of BF (he wouldn;t take a bottle & I could never express much anyway), and felt hugely anxious if I had to leave him for even a short length of time.

I was functioning in terms of getting dressed, keeping the house clean etc but half the time I felt like a zombie.

The otehr half of the time I was in a complete panic about fitting stuff in before DS was due his next feed / change / etc and didn;t actually enjoy anything at all - social events, days out - for a good year or so.

I don't think it helped that we also had some stressful events going on, eitehr - my Mum was diagnosed with cancer when DS was 5 months old, we moved house when he was 8 months and DH lost his job a month later.

Although I had a history of depression I was never tested and it was never mentioned by any of my HV. I didn;t think I had PND because I wasn't bursting into tears all the time, in fact I felt very little emotion, although I adored DS.

I also already had an underactive thyroid and although I was regularly tested throughout pregnancy, I was not tested once after DS was born. It was only when the grey fog started to lift that I realised that in fact my thyroid had probably a big part ot play in how I felt - and asked for a re-test - by which time DS was nearly two, and my levels were still so low that my meds were doubled.

I feel very sad that I didn;t enjoy that first year with DS. I don;t have many good memories about it at all