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Original poster

"Life with a new baby is shit, you hate your dh/dp and you hate your life" - do you really all agree with that?

244 replies

emkana · 26/02/2007 21:36

don't want to go into this on the Cathy O'Neill thread, but just wanted to pick up on what marthamoo said there and ask for general opinions on this - is that really what you all feel/felt?

I don't want to p*ss everybody off by going on about how wonderful I found early parenthood - but I do remember that after having dd1 I was just ecstatic at how wonderful she was, how much I loved her, how I felt I had found the meaning of life... it was just completely mind-blowing.
Yes, I was tired etc. but I felt the happiest I had ever felt. I have found things much harder since having more than one, but again with dd2 it was less new babyhood that got me down, but the later stages, when she became a toddler, and all the issues that came along with that... tantrums etc., how to discipline successfully, feeling inadequate in my parenting...

but i just love new babies... sigh...
(and ds is eight months already...)

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WideWebWitch · 26/02/2007 21:38

Yes, I did first time round. I found it profoundly shocking and terrifying and boring and knackering and yes, shit. BUT second time round I knew what I was in for and I loved it. I wasn't scared, I knew what I was doing etc, it was a LOT easier. Except for the sleep deprivation, I'd have done ANYTHING to have been able to hire a night nanny, as dd didn't sleep for 1.5 years.

lockets · 26/02/2007 21:39

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brandy7 · 26/02/2007 21:39

mostly have to agree

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Wallace · 26/02/2007 21:40

Don't agree. For me it was amazing

PeachyClair · 26/02/2007 21:41

Ireally loved having newborns- absolutely adored it. I found the baby / toddler years were the best so far, DS1 (7) is a great age too but i think 4 - 5 is a bit more of a pain as they're not so dependant but in no way independant (in terms of things like wanting to do colourings or choose their own play- not going out to the pub with their mates obv)

simplycontrolfreaky · 26/02/2007 21:41

no. found it really really hard and shocking with ds1..... but cant agree with that description

foxinsocks · 26/02/2007 21:42

oh no, it was awful

it was like waking up and finding I'd been thrown to the wolves

I just felt pawed all the time - felt like everyone wanted, no needed, a piece of me.

hunkerdave · 26/02/2007 21:43

I liked I think Motherinferior's "grey fog of horror" - that summed it up for me.

Flashes of light, but pretty much that.

Emkana, I'm guessing you didn't have PND?

funnypeculiar · 26/02/2007 21:45

I was thinking of posting to this effect on the other thread - whilst there was lots of shit bits, the first 6 mths of ds's life was a real golden period for our marriage. Partly we were so excited at/with what we'd made & proud of ourselves and we actually had much MORE sex than we had pre-kids, because, even with a crap sleeping baby, I was much less tired than I had been with a stressful, demanding f/t job. I think it's sad that there's an automatic assumption that everything will be cr*p

Tortington · 26/02/2007 21:45

yes i would agree with that statement and add - it was the most horrific part of my life.

boo64 · 26/02/2007 21:45

I struggled to get pregnant and had IVF so hell, I was just grateful to be a mum and deal with sleepless nights.

I know that's an unusual situation but I did find it hard when people I knew were complaining about how hard life was with a newborn.

Yes it has its hard moments (and god don't toddlers too) but all the good bits made it worthwhile for me.

Original poster
emkana · 26/02/2007 21:46

No I didn't, and I know that makes me really, really lucky.

Even through the whole trauma with ds (the pregnancy/the worry afterwards) I was okay and enjoyed it a lot of the time, unfortunately it was mainly my relationship with dd2 that suffered because she is quite challenging and i didn't cope with that well. (Am saving up for her therapy sessions now. )

OP posts:
myturn · 26/02/2007 21:47

Yes, agree completely. The first six weeks were pure living hell with all four of mine.

sweetkitty · 26/02/2007 21:48

No would totally disagree, I thought I was weird as everyone told me it would be like a truck hitting me I would never have a minute to myself, some days I wouldn't even get out my PJs etc etc

When DD1 was born it was wonderful. To be honest I was actually quite bored. She was a great baby slept through really early had to remember to feed her, she brought DP and I even closer together and we had a shared bond etc I felt it was like I had been given such an honour to have been given this little precious thing to look after I couldn't bear to be parted from her so I became a SAHM and felt lucky to have been able to do so.

Of course I was having such a lovely time I decided to ttc another when D1 was 9 months old. Cue 9 months later DD2 comes along, doesn't sleep, wants to be attached to me 24/7 and I also have an 18 month old to contend with....... that sorted me out!

Still broody for number 3 though

gothicmama · 26/02/2007 21:49

No it was alovely time both times round it was about negoitation and getting to be a family and welcoming a new member and looing at maximising our enjoyment as a family

Soapbox · 26/02/2007 21:50

i loved the baby times, absolutely adored them. So no it wouldn't be true for me and my experiences.

compo · 26/02/2007 21:51

definitely agree with Custy - I just find newborns relentless, shattering, they don't give anything back, they take over your life, even when they're sleeping I was thinking about when they'd wake up, when they'd need feeding wetc etc. I could never understand different cries which people said you should be able too. It's why we're only having two - I just can't put myself thrpough it again... and neither does dh want to do it again. Hated not having the evenings either, at least when they're older you can get to bedtime (wine o'clock) and forget about them for 12 hours

WriggleJiggle · 26/02/2007 21:52

The first 4 months were probably the happiest 4 months of my life (sorry [blush). I can understand how it might not be for others. I was incredibly lucky to have dh at home during that time. We spent our days cooing over our newborn baby, going for picnics in the park, travelling, visiting friends ... and I also spent 4 weeks back at work which although hard work, helped me 'get out of the house' and made dh appreciate the job of a sahm.

Miaou · 26/02/2007 21:52

I was convinced that I would get PND, having suffered depression previously, so was expecting to "crash" after dd1 was born. Instead I kind of entered an almost euphoric state and tbh I don't think I ever came down again! Yes I always find the first few weeks exhausting, but just so wonderful too. I remember saying to dh, when ds was four months old, "I can't believe the hard bit is already over" (re the all-night buffet ) - he was down to one feed a night by then.

So - no, I can't find any part of that statement to agree with. I appreciate that makes me a very fortunate person.

lackofgravitas · 26/02/2007 21:53

I wouldn't agree as in 'it's like that for everyone', clearly it's not, but that was pretty accurate for me. But then I had PND. Now, despite eye-watering levels of frustration (EAT, just EAT!) I'm finding the toddler period way easier.

schneebly · 26/02/2007 21:54

I found the newborn stage to be wonderful - especially with DS1 (no other DS to worry about) but I had been quite realistic in my expectations of sleep deprivation etc and he was a pretty laid back baby. Would love a little newborn again.

karabiner · 26/02/2007 21:54

mostly agree I'm afraid.

schneebly · 26/02/2007 21:55

however, got quite bad PND when DS2 was about 10-11 months

PeachyClair · 26/02/2007 21:55

The MW told me to stop being so happy as I'd be suer to crash. I didn't, I got pg again at 5 months (on purpose) and then \i went through horrors of post trauma- but babywise never a problem.

Now if anyone would like to take a six yar old off my hands.....

(nah you can't he's MINE! LOL)

Bugsy2 · 26/02/2007 21:56

my life felt like your thread title after my first was born. I was completely bewildered, in pain, exhausted and did feel like I had got lost in really bad thick fog somewhere. I could just make out where my life was, but it was mostly obscured by thick grey mist.
Even divorce wasn't as traumatic as the arrival of my firstborn.