"Life with a new baby is shit, you hate your dh/dp and you hate your life" - do you really all agree with that?

[emkana]

don't want to go into this on the Cathy O'Neill thread, but just wanted to pick up on what marthamoo said there and ask for general opinions on this - is that really what you all feel/felt?

I don't want to p*ss everybody off by going on about how wonderful I found early parenthood - but I do remember that after having dd1 I was just ecstatic at how wonderful she was, how much I loved her, how I felt I had found the meaning of life... it was just completely mind-blowing.
Yes, I was tired etc. but I felt the happiest I had ever felt. I have found things much harder since having more than one, but again with dd2 it was less new babyhood that got me down, but the later stages, when she became a toddler, and all the issues that came along with that... tantrums etc., how to discipline successfully, feeling inadequate in my parenting...

but i just love new babies... sigh...
(and ds is eight months already...)

There were shit moments in the immediate newborn phase, but much of it was wonderful, glorious. I personally, and my relationship with dh, hit the roughest patch 6, 7, 8 months down the line, tbh. That was hellish, at least in part.

i'm with you, emkana, i LOVED it. [broody]

loved it both times round. Yeah I was tired but it wasn't the huge shock to the system that everyone had pre warned us about. It was fine. First time round I was just amazed at ds and everything he did (precious first born syndrome) and had all the time in the world to look at him etc. 2nd time round- she slept all day and night for about 6 weeks and I was already looking after a 16mo, so didn't really make that much difference!

are you sure some of you remember it right
A newborn sleeping all day and night for the 1st 6 weeks is unheard of to me

I dont agree. I am finding it easier than I thought but that is probably because I am lucky to have a great support network around me and can totally understand how different I'd feel without them.
Its a life changing experience which I feel has made me a better person, although its made me grow up a lot I still feel like I'm the same person iyswim.

My ds is 6 months and so far I am loving being a mommy and cant wait to watch him grow and for him to give me big cuddles. I love my DH more than ever and we are totally besotted with our little man. He's also a brilliant daddy, and I love to watch my 2 little men together bonding and giggling, makes me go all gooey

i was really loved up and hormonal and sexed up and gorgeous and then i crashed when ds was about 3 months....actually it was when it became 'life'

it was horrible. and dh and i really weren't the best we've ever been. it was a trial by fire and we have come out the other end better than ever BUT i know it might not have been that way and for many people it isn't.

my experience with dd1 sounds very like yours emkana. I was on cloud nine for about a year. one of my friends said that he though you were supposed to bloom during pregnancy, not after it.

Was that me with the grey fog of horror? I agree with me, then. Absolutely. God yes. Quite appalling.

I genuinely cannot see how one can enjoy those first few months. First time round, in particular, I felt as if I'd been in a car crash, I loathed being so fat when everyone in my antenatal group was apparently (a) blissful (b) swanning around in their jeans, I was lonely and isolated and utterly unsure what to do with the baby, and worst of all I felt guilty about not being as blissful as everyone assured me I must be.

In fact just thinking about it, and reading the posts from people who did enjoy it, makes me want to cry.

And I didn't have PND. Apparently.

Sorry mi

I did hesitate to start this thread because I didn't want to make anybody feel bad.

But I just find it incredible that the experience can be so different for different people.

MI

everyone has different circumstances don't they - some have loads of help, some have none - we all have different expectations of how it's going to be which really affect how we deal with it

The newborn bit was ok - I expected it to be hard work and everyone else expected me to be knackered. The hard bit was about 5 months in, when I was still up all night, feeding constantly and not getting any breaks (nap-refusnik) - and everyone else expected me to be getting back to normal (whatever that is).

Ds was easier because by then I had embraced sleep-deprivation as a way of life.

if its any consolation dd2 was a very different ball game. sitting on the sofa crying thinking I had ruined my working life by having babies and ruined my baby-life by having a job...

but I must admit, looking back on it now, I can see I'm not really a 'newborn' person. I don't coo over babies like some people do. I've always been quite happy to hand them back and have never really got properly broody like some people do.

I do actually see that I possibly got the spare tyres thing a bit out of proportion at the time

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MI, bet your a brilliant mom!

My best friend always wanted a baby and longed to be pregnant, but as soon as she got pg she hated every second and then after the birth found it extremely hard to bond with her baby for months, but now is enjoying every minute and is an absolutely fantastic mother. She is now considering baby No.2.

Everybody is different and deals with situations in their own way it doesnt make someone a better person/mother. Its just some people find it quicker/easier to adjust to this new way of life.

The hardest part for me has been my big belly and CS overhang, still look 6 months pregnant now......

I really think that how you feel about your life before is a huge factor.

for me, I loved being pregnant and the very early days of ds's life, when dh was at home and we were in an unreal bubble...

but i felt visceral grief at the death of my old self, my old identity.

I think that mourning the loss that occurs when we become mothers is appropriate.

but that is based on my personal experience.

I also cannot relate to people that claim that it was easy. I'm perfectly willing to admit that it may have been for them, but lack of sleep is NOT easy imo. At all. And with the easiest of babies going from 9 hours a night (me pre-ds) with at least 2 big lie-ins a week to never sleeping longer than 4 or 5 hours at a time (which was only possible as dh was getting up sometimes) for 4 months was hell! and impacted absolutely everything, as it does.

don't feel bad MI. I do think that a sense of total world upturnedness and of grief over the loss of the old self is actually healthy!

I loved having dd1. The early months were hard and chaotic but I loved them.

It all fell apart when I had dd2. Her early months were... miserable really.

Well, the days are both going v slowly and racing by - it always seems like it's 3pm and too late to get ready to go out (takes ages to get everything together) so I end up staying in all day again but it takes forever to get to the time dh comes home and I can get a break.

It's changed my life completely but not changed who I am. I realise I don't want to be a sahm which is a relief as I don't have that option anyway.

The first few weeks were pretty tense as feeding was a nightmare, dh was pretty fed up about having to go to work and leave us and didn't get how tough it was for me to be in sole charge of a tiny baby for the first time in my life. Our relationship is as good as it's ever been (I wouldn't say it's better) and we are certainly as one in thinking that ds is the most remarkable baby that ever was, oh the joys of pfbs!