"Life with a new baby is shit, you hate your dh/dp and you hate your life" - do you really all agree with that?

[emkana]

don't want to go into this on the Cathy O'Neill thread, but just wanted to pick up on what marthamoo said there and ask for general opinions on this - is that really what you all feel/felt?

I don't want to p*ss everybody off by going on about how wonderful I found early parenthood - but I do remember that after having dd1 I was just ecstatic at how wonderful she was, how much I loved her, how I felt I had found the meaning of life... it was just completely mind-blowing.
Yes, I was tired etc. but I felt the happiest I had ever felt. I have found things much harder since having more than one, but again with dd2 it was less new babyhood that got me down, but the later stages, when she became a toddler, and all the issues that came along with that... tantrums etc., how to discipline successfully, feeling inadequate in my parenting...

but i just love new babies... sigh...
(and ds is eight months already...)

I was pretty blissed out all 3 times for the first couple of months. I was lucky, my first baby was a super sleeper, big and chunky and fed well. She slept through the night almost from birth. It really makes a huge difference i think.

Also, I loathed pregnancy and childbirth, so was always on a bit of a high after getting through those horrors. give me a newborn over pregnancy or childbirth any day.

In fact give me a newborn over toddlers too. They only last a few weeks, but the toddler years seem to last decades.

Not frrom a mum's perspective I know, but I speak for dp I think, for us the first 6 weeks have been good, pregnancy and birth finally out of the way, and back home again.

The toughest parts for us have been teething where your nice little routines go out the window and attention is needed more or less full time. And then that happens every few weeks for a year.

Life with a normal healthy new baby is ok but it can be so much worse. It's lack of sleep that makes you crazy and if you have a baby with health problems that keep you up all night then yes, you're going to hate everyone and everything.
My DS only had mild reflux but the dream deprivation made me feel really dangerous. Add to that an unplanned pregnancy and previous birth trauma and yes it sucks.
But I'm soooo ready for another, got it in perspective now and 3yrs hard work is just not that long to earn your next child.

I recall it being pretty awful but I didn't hate my DH. Crappy delivery/aftercare and troubles with breastfeeding didn't help.
If I can avoid those issues with no2 so it should be a breeze!

DON'T agree with this description - it's pretty extreme. I didn't hate DP or think my life was shit, but being totally honest, the early weeks are NOT the most exciting - broken nights, endless feeding etc. I've enjoyed the later years far more - the interaction, ability to get on with my own life alongside theirs etc
I found the post from the MNer who was lucky enough to have her DP at home for the first 4 (?) months really fascinating - she described what sounded the ideal - picnics, time to just ENJOY her DC. I suppose in an ideal world, that would be what we'd all aspire to - i truly believe thats probably the best way for those early months - almost being able to 'stand back' from life and have a kind of extended honeymoon. The reality for me (and i guess most people) is that DP had 2 days off work (couldn't afford paternity leave) and my memory of those first weeks were of feeling fairly isolated and low.Don;t want to sound negative, as of course i love my DCs and DP to bits. But sometimes i think new moms are afraid to admit how tough those early weeks can be.

I never felt that way. I certainly never hated my DH, he was the one helping me. He couldn't breastfeed but he was still getting up with me to keep me company and make cups of tea. I didn't think life was sh*t I don't think I had ever been happier. It wasn't easy. I hardly got nay sleep, but it wasn't awful.

Maybe time has made me forget, but things were lovely with dd1 when she was wee, tho i did used to make sure the windows were well bolted before i went to bed in case i got an urge to throw her out at 5 am.
With dd2 i am only just realising i had PND and things were really shitty, i wanted to kill myself and both dds, not DP as i couldnt work out how to do it easily. Not joking, it was hell. Now feeling much better and even happy

No I didn't feel like that when DD1 was born but have sympathy for those who did as I can easily see how that could be someone's reality. There are so many variables - everyone's experience is bound to be different.

Our DD1 was not easy by any means but I think we expected life to be pretty hellish for the first 3 months (at least!) I didn't have PND and DH was instantly hands-on so I think we felt like we were in the sh*t together and dealt with it with a helping of humour alongside the horror and bitterness. What might also have helped was the fact we weren't togther that long before we decided to have DD1.

I'm finding it much harder now - 4 years down the line (and with a toddler too) and wonder if there is a 4 year itch because many of my friends who have a 4 year old as their eldest are finding themselves in a similar funk.

I really hope it is true that things get better once there aren't so many Pre-schoolers in the house to deal with.

With DD1, awful, sleep deprived (she had days/nights wrong way round and she was 2 weeks old before I had more than 1 hour sleep in a row), stressful, full of worry, feeling inadequate... I could go on! Now she's 4 and LOVELY and I enjoying spending every moment with her. With DD2 I was assuming I would feel the same, but she slept better at night and I mostly enjoyed her newborn time. For me it was the difference between sleep and no sleep. I choose sleep every time. Want DC3 so it can't be too bad!

I disagree and agree, especially after DS 1 was born. I thought it was amazing and such a special time, it was nowhere near as difficult I thought it was going to be. DS 2 I found harder in a way, because I wasnt as overcome with the sheer novelty of being a parent and having my own child. Now I know newborns are just plain hardwork and there is little reward in the early days, and yes did/do have PND with DS 2.

I have appreciated DH so much more after the boys were born I have realised again what a fantastic supportive husband I have.

no I don't agree

although I have had the odd hour where I ahve thought I hated dh

NEVER thought life with a new baby was shit. In fact I would have been very happy to be living on a desert island with my new baby for 6 months, thank you very much.

Agree with those who found it difficult. I remember the sheer horror of DH leaving for work, leaving me alone in the house with something that I didn't know how to look after. Just feeling completely unorganised from morning to night, really missing the structure of work, worrying perpetually about how I would ever get this baby sorted in time to return to work (both times just 3 months maternity leave), and feeling so tired all the time. I would discuss my need for sleep with anyone - total strangers on the bus and in the park. I remember on several occasions in the middle of the night, breaking down in hysterical tears and begging the baby to PLEASE let me sleep. With DS2 I developed mastitis and then eventually ended up in hospital having an abcess drained. I insisted on leaving the hospital in the middle of the night to drive home to breastfeed. God knows how I managed to stay awake for the drive. Apparently I too did NOT have PND, although how they know that I do not know since the HV refused to allow me to take the test on the grounds that it might show that I had PND 'and we wouldn't want that, would we?'
Oh God, just writing that down is cathartic. Have two boys now, and am happy that it is all over.

i loved it when my 2 were newborns. all lovely & cuddly. had a few feeding problems & not very much sleep but none of it seemed to matter.

With DS1, it was bloody hard, he was an easy baby (as easy as they get) and I/we still found it hard, I wouldn't say it was a shit time and DH did fall out a few times but I never hated him for it.

DS2 has been wonderfull, he has been as easy as DS1 but I suppose there isn't the added effect of having someone to look after that hits you like a bullet with the first. I still have to ask DH to do the obvious things, which does annoy me a bit sometimes but it isn't worth falling out over, I ask him, he will do it if he can and that's that.

There is too much fretting and what if's with your first, I have honestly enjoyed it all with DS2, even the odd time he does wake up in the night I love having those few quiet minutes with him.

No I don't believe it. Although me and my ex were no more so that just wasn't an issue.

Found it fairly relaxed and easy in the early days, feeding, sleeping, visitors, chocolate, cups of tea, TV....

I think the statement is a bit extreme tbh. I've found the first three months incredibly hard, but not 100% shit 100% of the time and I've never hated DH for any of it. DS1 was bloody awful, I only got through it by promising myself that if things didn't improve by this date then I'd have him adopted DS2 and DD were easier by comparison because I knew how bad sore boobs and no sleep would make me feel, and I knew that by 12 weeks it would be so much better.

NQC - to answer your comment, my problems were solely caused by feeding and sleeping problems. I bf but my milk did not come through for 7 days with DS1 despite feeding every 1.5 hrs (DS2 and DD weren't much better at 5 days) and, with the exception of DD who did it but only between 4 weeks and 4 mths, none of them slept through the night until at least 18 months.

No - that statement didn't apply in my case.
Found it hard work at times and sleep deprivation is certainly a challenge, but thought it was a lovely time. The newborn stage is so special.

I didn't find new motherhood a complete bed of roses, but do find that statement rather too strong.
I was the first out of my set of friends to have a baby, didn't know about NCT classes and had no "Mummy friends" as a result. I felt isolated, from work colleagues, friends, my family (who live 120 miles away)and my "old self". BUT I adored my Ds1 with a passion and although sleep deprivation hit hard I loved being with him and watching him grow.
DH and I generally rubbed along OK, there were times when I know I was a bitch from hell, and he has since said that sometimes he didn't want to come home from work but we both understood that we were going through a period of adjustment.
Having DS2 was a bit of a breeze in comparison, the hardest part of motherhood for me was accepting the change in my life and my responsibilties.

I would agree with most of it for my first baby. Except for the hating my dh bit. We were in it together.

Second time round was the best time of my life so far.

I found the first couple of months very chaotic but enjoyable.

From 2 months to 6 months I found it a total breeze I honestly could not see how people found it hard work I thought my life was really easy.

From 6 months to 14 months it was harder, there never seemed to be enough hours in the day but it was still manageable.

From 14 months to 2.6 I really struggled, lost all confidence, house a total state, felt like I had no idea what I was doing.

We are now at 2.6 and it is becoming more manageable again and I am now thinking about going through it all again!

I missed the first four months of DD1's life (she's adopted from Vietnam) but was blissfully happy with her during my adoption leave. DH and I were stupified by our extraordinary good luck in concluding years of struggle by finally adopting such a beautiful baby. Obviously it helped that, bar a little jetlag, I felt in peak physical form; she slept not brilliantly but reasonably well; it was summer; I didn't breastfeed and didn't feel guilty either; four months is a million times easier than the first few weeks; there were no raging hormones....

DD2 was a different story. We had a glorious "honeymoon" with her in Cambodia and returned with our pathetically skinny and scabies covered 12 month old to an exceptionally grumpy and dislocated toddler, horrifically broken nights, a drab Autumn and all the trauma of two. I don't think I fully recovered until the Spring.

Nogoes, totally agree about finding 2m-6m's a breeze....it was like a fog had lifted and DS1 slept and fed well, it was a very lovely time!

I agree with that statement with regard to dc1.
Had a traumatic birth had bonding issues and he never slept due to reflux it was a terrible time.
2 years later and dc2 a totally different experience I loved it.
Feel that first time was so horrendous.
Can't wait for dc3 arrival in May!